I'm 22 and Ive been in love with a woman for 7 yearswould die for her and give her the world an still have fantasies of marrying her, but I also find myself heavily attracted to men. On a whole, I find myself much more attracted to males than females and a lot of times when masturbating, it takes SO much to get off to women, (sometimes even her) whereas almost instantly when thinking of a man. While the answer might seem easy based on that, I'm still heavily in love with this girl and crazy about her... she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen and would love to spend the rest of my life with her. So this can make for some confusion. Based on all this, what would you define my orientation?
2006-10-25 20:19:23 · 25 answers · asked by Reginald VelJohnson 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
P.S. I'm not in a relationship with the woman, but nonetheless have been in love with her for a long time.
2006-10-25 20:25:03 · update #1
Another thing to mention: While I am heavily attracted to men, I can also definitely recognize a beautiful woman and stare. The one I'm in love with is absolutely beautiful in every way.
2006-10-25 22:48:37 · update #2
If you are gay it doesn't mean that you can't love a woman, it just means that you are not sexually attracted to her. What you think about when masturbating is what you are sexually attracted to. If you are a guy and always think about guys, it means that you are gay, if you think of both guys and girls equally, you are bisexual, and if it is just girls you are straight. From what you have said, it appears that you are gay and you should not think of that as being a bad thing, it's just a part of who you are. You can still love this girl for the person that she is and you can still be close friends for the rest of your lives, but if you are not sexually attracted to her you should be honest with yourself and not lead her to believe that you are.
2006-10-26 11:22:14 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
See the section about sexual orientation in the Kinsey Report.
A strict definition of a bisexual would be someone who has romantic and/or sexual relations with other people of more than one sex (though not necessarily at the same time)
However, since not everyone has necessarily had the opportunity to act on their sexual/romantic attractions, some people prefer a looser definition; for instance, that a bisexual is a person who - in their own estimation - feels potentially able to have such attraction. This could be anyone who has erotic, affectionate, or romantic feelings for, fantasies of, and/or experiences with both men and women.
In other words, bisexual identity and bisexual behaviour are not necessarily the same thing.
Some argue that if bisexual is to mean anything, it must have a strong definition - that of exhibiting bisexual behaviour, or at least the potential for it. Others feel it is more important to respect people's self-definition whatever it is.
Some bisexuals, however, have no such preference, and instead focus their attractions on qualities they see in an individual regardless of that person's sex. Sometimes these qualities involve sex, sometimes not. For example, some people find men attractive as men, and women attractive as women; others find people's sex irrelevant.
2006-10-26 05:54:14 · answer #2 · answered by Orditz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just being able to recognize a beautiful woman and wanting to love a woman does not make you straight.
I have loved a woman with all my heart, soul and mind but nothng could make me be straight.
Even my never ending desire to be straight could not help.
No matter how much I tried I could not change, sure eventually I learned how to control myself enough to be intimate with her.
This helped me convince myself that what I was doing was right, I learned how to lie really well to myself and everyone else.
Of course if I could see, feel and be with a woman I loved then I was straight!
Not so....... my longing for a man my intimate desires for a man never went away, faded for a while but never went away.
I married this woman had children then within a few years divorced because my true self the person I was made to be could not be denied.
Please just know that who you are is WHO YOU ARE.....dont hate yourself or be untrue to yourself.
You will be hurting yourself and everyone you involve if you try and be someone your not.
Sexual orientation or identity is only a very small part of who we are as people, enjoy your life let yourself be as open and honest with yourself and explore you feelings about this to see if there truley is more to your feelings then what you think you believe are there.
Your oreintation is established, its up to your intellectual side to know this and your heart and soul to embrace it.
Good Luck
2006-10-26 07:42:02 · answer #3 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 24yo M and I'm gay, I can't say I have been in your shoes before because I haven't but I honestly believe you are gay.
Alot of men are in love with the possibility of having a straight life. I think maybe you should find a nice gay guy that you will be able to ask all the questions that you need to know.
I feel though coming out of the closet now is better for you and her in the long run. Why be with someone you can never be fully happy with?
If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm open for comments. Good Luck with your situation.
2006-10-26 03:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by Tigrecub82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are attracted to men and also in love with the woman, have you told her? especially if you are always masterbating and fantasizing about men. Seems like your sexual orientation is already set towards men and will harm anyone of the opposite sex you have a relationship with...Search deep in your heart and set aside all the pro's and con's of what it will be like to pursue the "gay life style" and the then the "Go straight life", and determine what you want in life...Otherwise you will live in a miserable relationship and not be happy.
2006-10-26 09:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend, the answer is less complex than you think. It is all about your definition of love. For me love is about ticking all the boxes both physically and mentally. If someone ticks all the boxes then there is no question. However if something is missing then you need to go out there and find it. Don't look for definitions, as they'll hold you back. Look for what you really want, need and deserve in your hear. body and soul. Then you know what you decide, is honest, true and lasting!
2006-10-26 03:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by waggy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats for you to find out first..........because i cannot come and tell you who you are and your sexual preferences aside from what you have just write. I think you should go out and have an experience and maybe that way youll figure out what are you into and what you aint. It sometimes takes a kiss to know if you like it or not. Try to fullfill your fantasies and maybe that would be the answer to your confusion.
2006-10-26 14:38:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like you are gay. you say you have been in love with this woman for seven years but are not in a relationship with her. have the two of you ever been intimate? if so how did you feel during this and who were you thinking of? i know when i have been intimate with people in the past that i loved dearly i still fantasized about other people to be able to climax. another point is that there are several gay men that find theirselves attracted to a woman. but if you really sit back and try to look at it from a distance you might find that you are more infatuated with her than in love with her. gay men have a tendancy to become emotionally attached to straight women for the simple fact that they are living the lives that sometimes we feel we should have been living. and that it is so normal for them to fall in love with a man and have a relationship that is accepted by anyone. i think i am rambling here. but the point i am trying to make is if you are attracted to men and when you mastubate you think of men to climax than you are gay.TTFN.
2006-10-26 03:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont know.. Gay in love with the 'meant to be' one?
If she loves you, too, marry her... And spend the rest of your life with her!! That is your dream!
You feel attracted to her, too, right? Just maybe not with such passion..
I guess it's a choice between 'physical attraction' and love (which is more than that)..
(dont trust me on that - i dont have personal experience in that) - but I do believe that if it is true love, it will heal you... And it will stand.. 7 years's a good proof, no?..
Trust her.. And fight for your dream if needed! you can..
2006-10-26 03:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by mwade 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like you are a closeted homosexual. When I was young like you, I had the same feelings for a few women, but was sexually attracted to men.
2006-10-26 05:13:40 · answer #10 · answered by gc27858 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋