What is the best way to let someone know you want to breakup?

Question

I still want to be friends and I still like them, but I don't love him and I have to end it. We have over 11 years together and it not someone else. I just don't love him like that and I don't want to pretend. (We have been seperated for 9 months due to my job, and I have realized that I was never in love with him, and I don't really even miss him.) I often considered ending the relationship before, but now I HAVE to because I don't even feel obligated anymore. What is the best way to do that? At the airport? A day or two afterwards? A week? Just say it? IN a phone call? email? in person? Nicely, firmly, mean, what will be the best thing for him to understand there is nothing he can do to change my mind and he hasn't really done anything wrong?

Answer 1

Hi, I found this info on the Internet!!!

Take a look---

i dont want to sound mean but almost every question i get on here people mention that when they breakup the other person says they still want to be friends..
from my experience is never works out as planned..

because it puts you into a situation like u r in now..
it hurts to see him but hurts not to see him..

what u need to do is realize that everything happens for a reason... u may not know why today or tomarrow but down the road u will find out..

if u guys do want to be friends what i strongly suggest is to take a good break from one another... as in do not see each other for a few months.. and keep the contact down to a minimum... this will allow for those fresh feelns you have for each other cause of the 3 years to die down just a little bit... this will enable you to look at things differently.. u will be able to see if it is something u really want to go through... cause right now your heart is not going to mend when it knows that what made it happy is only an arm length away...

the heart needs time to heal babe and u need to give it time...

i am not saying that you can not be friends but it is going to take a long time...

again from experience i dated a girl for a few years and we broke it off... we tried the friend thing at first and it did not work so we just stopped contact and a few years later we ran into each other and were able to have a good few hour conversation... we are friends on that level.. that we will speak if we see eachother but not go out of our way to make it a point to be noticed..

i think that is what u need to do...

right now you are young ( i know you hear tha tall the time) but i am serious.. u have alot to look forward to in your future life... life is to short to be going through day to day being hurt... right now u need to focus on yourself.. gettn yourself where uw ant to be... focus on your college and schooling.. and when u r out having fun someone will come along who will fit you perfectly

not every relationship is meant to last forever...

around your age is when alot of people realize that they want a breakup... i am serious on this.. cause right now you both are experiencing new things and want to enjoy life.. so let the good times role and always look ahead...


please take care



http://experts.about.com/q/Breakup-Deal-Break-845/friends-breakup.htm

Answer 2

After 11 years, you owe him a face-to-face. An email most DEFINATELY would not be okay. Over the phone, since you're far away, would be alright, I guess.

You need to be careful, though. If you show up and he picks you up at the airport, and you go home and "couple it" for a night or two, THEN you bring all this up, then.... well, then you deserve to be treated badly in another relationship down the road.

I don't think you need to tell him everything. Saying that you've realized you don't love him while you've been apart is okay, and you should tell him so, but to say "oh, and for the last 11 years, I never really loved you." There's no need to go that much into detail.

Of course you should be nice. You've shared 11 years, which means that some serious memorable moments in your lives have been shared, so you won't ever be completely without him (as in, he's attached to the memories you have over the last 11 years). The least you could do is be nice.

And yeah, after that long, you need to be firm, and that's not gonna be that easy, probably.

Unfortuantely, I've noticed not all that many couples succeed at the "still want to be friends" thing. In fact, I think other than Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, I've never seen a couple do it well at all. That you say you "don't even miss him" really makes me think you just want to break it off, and that's okay. If you really wanted to stay friends, you wouldn't have mentioned that, though. To tell him that you want to be friends, though, sounds like you're using a common line without meaning it.

Just my opinions......

Answer 3

You want to breakup with him without making him feel very bad? That won't be easy but its possible.
You need to do this face to face (not on phone or email). Better to do it at a park, not at home or restaurant.
1- Stay calm at all times and keep your voice very low all the time even if he tries to start an argument (very likely).
2- Don't tell him you don't love him anymore and that you don't miss him anymore, this would just make him feel disrepected and unwanted. Stick to your decision. Ask for some space, explain that it has nothing to do with another person, its just that right now you just want to be alone and to focus on your career and other things. Tell him its best it ends this way and now.
3- Don't rush to ask for friendship in this discussion, its an old ending remark that people hate to hear 'we can just be friends!!'. Don't say that. Only say this after you have heard back from him. If he understands, then you can say you would like very much for the friendship to continue even after this.
Then, let it be.

Answer 4

The best option I'd say, is SILENCE. With time the two of you will drift further apart and the same realization will also come to him in due course of time. Until then, try to increase the distance by not phoning or emailing yourself. If he calls or emails, you can give a non-committal reply / talk casually without getting "intimate" (since you want to keep him as a friend)

If I were you if I want to break up romantically, its best to break the friendship too - that way one can avoid past happenings haunting both and creating emotional havoc. Think about it with a cool mind without letting emotions get in the way, and then decide !

Good Luck my friend !

Answer 5

In person. Don't bother saying you want to be friends because with 11 year history there, he is not going to want to hear that. No one does. It makes it easier for you because you thik it will soften the blow...but it won't. Also realize that with you two being separated, he is going to think you found someone else at work or found someone else period. Do it asap because he has been waiting for you for 9 months now and its only fair to him.

Good luck. It's never easy to be on either side of this situation.

Answer 6

In person.
You have history. You can still be friends or acquantances. If he is worth keeping as a friend then given time he will see this is for the best.
Something people who break up tend to forget: You've thought long and hard about what to say and how to say it. You've also had time to think about it and plan for it emotionally. Regardless of what happens during the breakup (unless he hurts you, that's unacceptable), give him time to realize what happened and to get over the emotions. If he comes to you at a later time, be ready to forgive him for whatever he did as a reaction to your breaking up with him.

Answer 7

Unless either one of you're over 35, it typically way "please do not hate me, and say dangerous matters approximately me for your peers". Girl's/ladies are socially conditioned to on no account harm any individual. That's why we move round pronouncing "I'm sorry." at all times, and specifically for matters we don't need to be sorry approximately considering we did not "do" something. She wish's to hold a well repute and fend off a responsible mindful from taking root. She'll mainly forget about you and suppose very annoyed with you when you honestly do take a look at "to be peers" along with her considering she wishes to move out with anybody else, who mainly does not even understand she is alive. Go make your self valuable someplace, certainly, you'll be able to suppose bigger doing so.

Answer 8

if you really really really really sure you want to break up you must first find a place to live ...and then start separating your finances and set up a date to talk ...tell him FACE 2 FACE that you dont want to continue on this way and if hes a man that can accept that ...if you dont feel like you can do this alone bring a family member you trust ...in case he gets all abusive.... Usually breakups are never easy but if thats what you want to do then good luck...its easier to break up then cheat you know ...i say this because i cheated in the past and its the worst mistake i ever made....

Answer 9

well dear try dare to talk to him about your feeling than try to make him aware what wrong thing done by both of you. amke understand that he is not that kind of men to whom u r looking for . as lady u always stand by his side but at same time u feel alone . standing alone among to those people who know u as his wife but he still not understand where is he wrong ?
dear call him at the cafe and talk casually

Answer 10

Just tell him its over and don't beat about the bush. Just say "Dude, you and I are not the right ones. Its over i'm sorry," thn walk about. I said that and now he and I are close friends.