ive been married for 5 years. and i have done my 110% in this marriage. i am mother and good wife. yet my mother-in-law never is satified by the way i care for her son. she doesn't think that i am good enough for her son. and is very sarcastic and critical of me. also me and her daughter do not get along. i am the first woman he has ever been with. how do we find a common ground?
2006-10-25 19:52:19 · 11 answers · asked by tina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He has to tell her to stop harrassing you. That's the only way. My husband did that- after about three years of hell.... we didn't speak to her for about a whole year... then I gave her a call, which she was very thankful for... she admitted that she was afraid of losing her son.... and that she would have never made the first call. I told her to stop behaving like a child and to start being a grandmother to her grandchild. She has two grandkids now. She now also lives next door and we are getting along, ... because of the first three years though- I will never consider her a good friend material. We don't argue, we don't fight,.... by the way... at one point I also had my parents talk to her (long distance).... they explained to her who I am.... because as a wife..... I don't know if you realized this- his Mom and the rest of his clan were never interested in me as a person- just his new wife.... never bothered to meet the real me. So my parents explained to her a few things about me... that I am known to be the easiest to get along with- they just basically told her to stop giving bad comments about me directly or indirectly, because it would backfire on her.... and she finally did! Good luck to you.
2006-10-25 20:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal for a mother-in-law to be suspiscious of her daughter-in-law for the following reasons:
1. She's the one who brought him up and suddenly her son is relying on someone else
2. Now she has to share her son's attention with another woman
3. You have been brought up differently, so your approach will likely be unacceptable to her, rightly or wrongly
Try to understand her position and look upon her behaviour as a challenge to overcome, by doing the following:
1. Think of her positively, as one who has your husband's interest at heart (Common goal)
2. Treat her with understanding and communicate with her without feeling hurt or angry. Be sincere without putting on an act
3. Let her feel that you are not taking her son away from her
4. Treat her daughter the same way...be understanding
5. Treat your husband well and enlist his help. If he's happy, your mother-in-law will not be too critical
By behaving this way, your life will definitely be better and they will eventually be won over by your sincerity and understanding!
2006-10-26 03:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, in instances like that....you most likely dont find a common ground. Just ignore her. For some reason there are mothers out there that are extremely protective of their sons. All you can do is be a good wife and mother and hope that one day she realizes that you are good for her son and not some plague placed upon him.
2006-10-26 02:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by Natty137 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you have been trying for five years and it hasn't happened yet (especially with you giving her grandkids), it probably won't. You could try talking to her straight out and telling her how her sarcasm hurts your feelings. If you have a tough exterior, she may not realize how her rudeness is affecting you.
What does your husband do about it? Has he approached her about it and asked her to try to respect you? It might help her realize that she is never getting him back and that she needs to let go.
If all else fails, be proud in the fact you tried for five years. You can avoid her then with a clear conscience. It is a lot more than most people would do.
2006-10-26 03:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by MissM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I had the same problem in the first 3 years of my relationship, and the best answer I can give you is don't give up!! She will eventually see that you are NOT going any where and that her son is happy. If she doesn't, than you should ask your husband to talk to his mother and tell her that the way she treats you is unacceptable and disrespectful to him! After all, you are the one he chose to spend his life with.
2006-10-26 02:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by Aryka S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get out pen and paper... or use this thing to type... set urself free... give urself permission to say what needs to be said... in a respectful way, put it all out on the table... pointing out the facts as you see them.. and some where in there praise her for bringing up a son for you to love, how well a job she did doing it, what he gives in the marriage, etc..... make her feel like a peacock !!! then kindly let her know that you are taking over his care, that you love him enough to make him happy and will do YOUR best to take the same kind of loving care she took, just in YOUR OWN way... may not be her way, but that he married you because he loves and trust you, etc... good luck and God bless
2006-10-26 02:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first priority is your husband and your family.
And if other relatives are making your family life difficult, then you should try to get your family away from them.
Persuade your husband to move away from there so that they won't have much contact with you and your husband.
You cannot do much to change the misbehavior of your mother-in-law and sister-in-law because you have no leverage with them. You are not married to them. And they don't need or want anything from you.
Your only reasonable option is to move away from them.
2006-10-26 03:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the first women in your husband's life are jealous of your relationship with him. They are looking out for their own egos and not those of their son and brother and grandchildren. Talk over your difficulties with your husband. Make sure he knows that he understands that you have tried and are open to friendship with them. Continue to do your best and keep your encounters with your in-laws to brienf but cordial events.
The problem is not you.
2006-10-26 02:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your husband needs to step in and have a long talk with his family. He needs to tell them that he choose YOU to marry and that he loves YOU very much. If they love him and respect his wishes, they need to start showing YOU some respect. It's important your husband deals with his family, it's not right for them to be acting so jealous. Good luck!
2006-10-26 02:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Little sacrifice little co-operation.
2006-10-26 03:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by thinkpose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋