My husband has a female friend at work that would gladly step into my shoes. He's even said so and in the same breath tells me not to worry, he knows she's someone he needs to steer clear of. She constantly sends him emails, calling him honey and signing them "love you". He denies receiving these emails, denies speaking with her on a regular basis and simply avoides the subject of her in general, yet I know they communicate regularly. I've told him I'm bothered by this and that he is not telling me the complete truth and it makes me insecure and ruins 25 years of trust. How can I get my point across to him that she needs to be out of the picture all together since she is damaging our relationship! Its not the female part (he has other female friends that aren't psycho) - its the infatuation she has with him. Am I just over reacting? Do all guys have little email/phone female friends on the side?
2006-10-25 19:43:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it sounds to me you trust your husband still but the real problem is this woman maybe you should tell your husband you would like to confront her and to tell her to leave him alone . that she is in the work place with your husband yes but she is to do her work not to be going around trying to find a man who is not available and does not have the interest in her . i would also do romantic things for my husband give this woman the news i love my husband and he loves me YOU WILL NOT GET IN THE WAY.
2006-10-26 02:52:59 · answer #1 · answered by cozjeanda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a clue. Your husband is exhibiting all the classic signs of having an affair. If I were you, I'd hire a PI or just DIY with a gal pal and tail him for a few days (the PI route would work best, and can be less expensive than you think...and don't rule out negotiating for a best price).
Even if I'm wrong (and somehow I don't think I am, having been there, done that from BOTH sides of the situation), you guys need some serious counseling (if he won't go with you, go by yourself) to see if you need to be married or not.
Twenty five years is a long time, but do you want to spend the next twenty five with distrust and suspicion? Not to mention all the other lovely little things that come into play along the way?
2006-10-25 20:19:37 · answer #2 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey! You are in a catch 22. You say you've been together for 25 years and there has been trust there through all that time, but now you are worried. It could be paranoia or it could be instinct. When my significant other started cheating I knew I just wouldn't bring myself to face it. I thought well if I leave him and he's not I've just thrown my family away for nothing! But you know what he was! I'm not saying yours is, but if you have been with him for 25 years you know him and to have worries now says something!! If you do find out he is just a bit of advice, 10% of life is what is given to you the other 90 is what you make of it!
2006-10-25 19:56:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought i was reading my story when i started reading your question. This happened to me and it didnt end well. My story is too long to tell here but suffice it to say that my husband and i are separated. She is with his "friend" now and was from the day that i left him. Beware, just be careful. It may not apply to you but if he is denying things that you know are true and is secretive you need to really try now to clear it up before it goes to far either way. I really trusted him and couldnt believe the alternative, i had no self esteem left. He spent more and more time away from home. It is hard but try to let him see how it is hurting you as it can ruin a relationship. I am happy now though. Hopefully you can communicate with him before it goes on too long and the hurt really sets in. It is difficult as i had been married for a long time also, take care and hope it gets better for you.
2006-10-25 20:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by Bentele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are valid and it's very inappropriate for him to be entertaining her and leading her on like that even though he's trying to reassure u as if u have nothing to worry about. He needs to put a stop to it once and for all. I know he works with her so it's going to be hard to avoid her completely but nevertheless, u need to let your husband know that this type of thing is very inappropriate as it can go the wrong way real fast.
2006-10-25 20:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if my husband had a lil email/phone friend-I'd clip his balls and send him packaging! ...lol..all jokes aside, that's NOT cool. He IS your husband so there are lines that he shouldn't allow other people to cross. Your NOT overreacting but fending off an intruding potential home wrecker. Which is a smart thing. Give him an ultimatum, either he quits his job or you leave him. See where that goes. I think reality will sink in for him. If he really loves you, he will change. He's prolly feeling undesired at home...? What do you think?
2006-10-25 22:59:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Over-reacting would be throwing all of his stuff into a trash can in the yard and burning it, you are reacting extremely mildly as you have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, lied to and to question his relationship with this woman. I would confront him about this with the text messages, you weren't going through his phone as standard practice, but because he pointed you in that direction for information - it's like my husband telling me at Christmas after he comes home from shopping to not look at his bank account, normally I never look even though it is a joint account that I have full access to, but his saying that stirs curiosity where if he would keep his mouth shut I wouldn't snoop. It is like your husband wanted you to find this information or doesn't feel that it is worth hiding... after talking in his sleep and then making that statement it seems someone wanting to hide stuff would delete those messages and not leave them there - he could also be setting you up for this to all be your fault for invading his privacy (which you shouldn't buy into, but I could see as a possible reaction from him) or even have overstepped a boundary without the intention of doing so to full blown cheat on you which he may view as okay because it wasn't physical. Before you confront him access your feelings and know what you want out of the situation, for instance her out of both your lives for good or new boundaries on that relationship, and how would you react if there is more there, what are your limits and what are your biggest issues, where will you draw lines separating friendship from more. You are not in the wrong on this and he needs to give you answers to clarify this situation and assurance that it will stop, so please don't think that you are over-reacting or at all wrong for your reactions - many women would be thinking leave now not stating that they like this woman and understand their husband being fond of her. It shows your kindness that you speak highly of this woman, but remember that if she views you as a friend then she should have put a stop to his behavior if it wasn't welcomed or wanted. All relationships take two people and she also had control in setting boundaries with him. She could be deceived too thinking that you knew about outings such as the casino trip, that your relationship is otherwise in trouble or she could be a wolf in sheep's clothes. There is not clear evidence that he has physically cheated on you, but emotionally he has and you are right to be hurt and in question of the full scope of the situation. When someone violates your trust it is pretty much natural to wander what else has been hidden. Address the situation, get some answers, and let him know that behaving in this manner or treating you this way is not acceptable because you sincerely sound kind, accepting and loving and surely deserve to be treated with respect and love. Don't stand for him hurting you and know that telling someone else that they are the person of their dreams is not something a spouse should be doing and is very hurtful to their partner.
2016-03-19 00:10:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a husband has women calling( your home to) and saying Love you and honey then hubby needs a good swift hick in the rump! It would be better to kick him out of your life if he can and will not respect you! To say that she would gladly take your place is a mean and horrible thing to say to you! You should find a replacement for him! You are not over reacting! Ask yourself how he would react if he came home and found you with your own honey!
2006-10-25 19:56:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would be worried if i were you, i have been with my husband for alomst 4 years married for 2 1/2 and i still worry about his ex but i shouldn't cuz he is very true to me. i think it is because i can't stand his ex cuz she tried so many times to take him from me and i think that is way i hate her so much! Just talk to him and tell him how you feel and maybe you can work something out
2006-10-25 19:50:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT overreacting.
Might be time for an ultimatum.
He needs to show you some respect and realise this is hurting you and your marriage. If I was in your situation this would make me squirm. Women like this who are blatantly disrespecting the fact that your husband is married are nothing but trouble.
2006-10-25 19:47:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋