How can I communicate more effectively (new marriage)?

Question

Let me start by saying I have been married for a few months and I see that marriage is definitely not the easiest thing to work on, but I believe, like other things that are tough in life, they payoff it worth it. I believe this is a positive attitude and I can approach things like work with logic and reason, but sometime things just don’t seem clear to me.

I keep on getting the statement “You do not understand what I am trying to tell you.” When I do understand what she says, but I don’t necessarily agree with what she has to say. Of course I try to say that but it does not seem to translate. When we argue she gets aggressive and I get “meek” and fall apart. I have never been an expressive person.

We have ended up arguing about the same issues to my surprise after I “though” we had agreed so a solution. Then when I bring up the solution we discussed, it’s as if we never discussed it. What am I doing wrong?

Answer 1

part of marriage my friend... this is just the way it is... the *you dont understand *, is normal... but, you can do this, sit at the table, no tv or distractions, each of you write down on a peice of paper what you feel is the problem, and then write down the solution you each feel is the best... read each others papers, do NOT talk, then compromise, by writing another solution and adding or subtracting from your original, and do this on each others papers, then trade back, read, and then TALK... you may have to trade papers more than twice, but it does work... it makes things clear, and it is writen down, so each of you will KNOW what the other thinks about things, and can refere back to the paper instead of arguing about who said what... put the paper, when the solution is finalized into a box, put it up, and then in future if the same problem comes up again, you can go back to it and each read the agreed upon solution,, make sure, that when you do reach an agreement , that on each paper, it is written down, precisely, and signed by BOTH parties.... this will help you both get to know each others ways of thinking and stuff, and you will learn how to deal with problems as a team...... God bless

Answer 2

You are not doing anything wrong. First yr is the hardest yr esp for newly weds. Men and women have the hardest time to communication. Things will evenutally get better. Both of you are doing the right thing by having an open communication. I know that there are times that communicating may cause a fight, but at least you get your point across to one another. Over the next few months into marriage you will learn to communicate better to one another. I remember my first yr of my marriage I was like you, We fight all the time. It's been 2 yrs and we're learning from one another. We hardly fight anymore. I believe you will have less fight in the future. Just don't give up on it.

Answer 3

Women are looking to be heard. Pay close attention when she is talking, do not watch TV or read paper etc... Sit down and have eye contact. You could take her to dinner out to HER favorite restaurant.

Repeat something she said at night the next day to let her know that you HEARD her. Pay attention to the details of her. EX: Notice if she is feeling bad, stressed out-- make her a bubble bath... Or, if she mentions wanting something, buy it, for no occasion. If she says, I sure would like to have some ice cream, bring it home the next day.

Call her during the day and check on her, ask her how she feels and then just listen--don't try to solve her problems just offer support.

Remember, women want to be heard and are very much in tune to details and they know and sense if you are also.

Answer 4

You have just discovered the fundamental difference between men and women, congrats! Men want to solve problems presented to them; women don't want the problem solved by you, when they talk to you about something, they just want to let it all out and vent. You need to listen with a more open heart, with that in mind. Hopefully, she will do the same for you. This all takes practice, trying to walk a mile in the other one's shoes. It can get better with time. One thing to watch out for - if you find yourself arguing about the same thing over and over - that it's never really about the thing you may be arguing about, there is often an underlying issue.

Answer 5

The key to a success full marriage is "communication", there is going to be arguments and you are going to win some and lose some, that is the same with your wife. Just be yourself and have the facts straight, don't ever go into an argument "half ******" and always find a resolution and never go to bed mad at each other, unless she cheats, that is a lose-lose situation.

I hope you and your wife find happiness and stay together and live a long life.

Answer 6

I have been married for 6 months now and my husband and I have good moments and rough patches. Currently we're going through a problem. Your situation sounds similar to mine. And I in your wife's shoes. I think men and women communicate differently. Sometimes men do things that don't settle with women. And they (women) want to make sure your not "just saying that" to make us happy (or to shut us up) And if we don't feel 100% secure in our marriage or relationship, we feel like we can't respect or look up to our men, and it sucks. If you did something to hurt her I would make sure it doesn't happen again (on a subconscious level). If you truly feel you did nothing wrong, then wait it out and be patient, she will come around and thank you for being a man. If not, then follow your heart.

Answer 7

i do no longer think of there is besides to efficiently talk with an abusive jerk it rather is in denial. They recognize deep down that what they're doing is incorrect yet they're too proud to confess it. possibly if persons stated as him on it, it would help yet then it would additionally make it worse. i might advise helping her go away to a secure place could be ideal. If he refuses to pay attention, properly known or substitute then speaking to him approximately it quite is doing no longer something. optimistically she will wisely go away and in line with danger then which would be his take-heed call to straighten up.

Answer 8

Read the book - 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" with your wife. Author of the book is Jhon Gray.

Answer 9

pick a non upset time and sit down with spouse and talk it out about how you want to improve communications. Tell her your feelings. anot about an issue but how you communicate establish some ground rules