how would you react if you were in a marriage that was perfect except for the intimacy?

Question

he is an excellent provider for my 2 daughters and myself. i love him with all my heart but he is just not as affectionate as i would like him to be. it sometimes makes me question whether he is really in love with me or not. what should i do?

Answer 1

Intimacy in what sense? Intellectual, physical/sexual, psychological?

How old are the kids? What are your working hours like?

It's pretty well known that kids (especially young ones) divert attention away from the marriage. Adding this on top of a hectic work schedule, you need time to relax and just kick it (from a man's perspective), and women usually come second.

In Christianity, sex is only one component of a marriage. Don't make it out to more than it should be... take him out once in awhile, reflect on what you had and what you have now. Try to relax and be yourself, and let him be himself without all the expectations.

Perfection is in the mind's eye. Stick with it, and over time you (like others) will see the redeeming value of perseverance reflected in your relationship.

Answer 2

You should probably try to talk about it and get a reading on what's going on and whether there's some problem.

You may want to also imagine spending the rest of your life as you are now, and ask if that's ok with you or not. If you "love him with all your heart" it may be. Not long ago 20/20 had a whole show on about couples who prefer not to have intimacy.

Another thing is the unpleasant reality that two good parents who love the children and who don't fight and who generally care about each other can have marriage that isn't what a marriage should be. There's a lot of that around. Sometimes the state of your life and the state of your marriage don't match.

Talk to him, tell him what's on your mind, consider couples therapy if he'll agree to that and if you think its necessary. Its possible he's entirely happy with the way things are, but its also possible he's far more miserable about something than you would ever guess.

Maybe one thing to ask if whether the two of you still have those exciting conversations about plans for the future and life or whether he just sits behind a newspaper and peeks out to answer one of the children's questions from time to time. I almost think that's more the measure of trouble than the problem you've mentioned.

Good luck. Your situation isn't an easy one. It would be easier if he were out getting drunk and cheating, wouldn't it?

Answer 3

Girl I can't figure out what your doing by your questions.

You get all these answers but you fail tell anyone that you just had a baby, just got married and neither of the children are your husbands. You got knocked up when you were all drugged up and don't even know who the father really is but is not your husbands?

He is putting up with your stuff and it sounds like you are looking for a reason to cheat on him again.

Please leave him so he can have a chance at a life with a grown up responsible woman. Let him have
the children because you are not adult enough to take care of them, much less your self.

Answer 4

I am recently going through the same situation as you are right now, I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and we had never had this problem. In the past year we have been less and less intimate and I didnt want to bring it up but I did and it made things even worse. Turns out he wasn't cheating(was the first thing on my mind) but he started to just want to do everything else but that, he later came to me and told me he felt depressed and insecure about that part of his body,and that he was just lazy and didnt want to do it. I wasnt satisfied with his answer so one night we spend the night at my moms house and everyone was asleep so I was in the living room with him and started performing oral sex on him so he got so excited took me to the kitchen and we just went crazy. I then knew that the man needs to have a different schenery than the bedroom because in a relationship you have to keep the flame burning, so go back to the times where you played hard to get and make yourself less available then think about what made you two intimate and go with it. Always remember men want what they cant have.

Answer 5

Everyone has a specific way of expressing their affection. Some people do it physically, with hugs and kisses. Others do it verbally ("I love you"). Some say it with gifts. All of these methods are quite obvious and visible, so most people find it acceptable if their partner uses one of these ways to show their love.

But there is a fourth category of person, who expresses their love by action. Often these people love more deeply than any of the other categories - to them, their love can't be expressed by mere words or frivolous gifts. Instead, they devote all their efforts to caring for and providing for the ones they love. The trouble is, they don't realise that other people don't understand the reason for their devotion. They don't understand that some people - in fact, most women - need to hear the words "I love you" or see some physical sign of affection. They think that their actions speak louder than words.

If you explain to him that you need to hear the words or feel the hugs, I'm sure he will try to please you. However, it's not in his nature so be prepared to remind him occasionally.

If you feel you can't talk to him about this, then please get some marriage counselling. Not because of his lack of affection, but because any marriage where you can't talk to each other about something as simple as this, is heading for trouble eventually. Communication is essential to a healthy marriage.

Answer 6

Do just that question him..if you are that upset about it you need to bring it up and discuss it with him...now if he is so great hell listen and respect your feelings and try to fix things but maybe he has a deeper problem that you guys can look at together and work on like other interests besides traditional sex you know whatever you do dont make him think that you arent into whatever he is hell get embarrased and youll really be out of the intimate dept. so try those couple of things and see A

Answer 7

This is definitely a sore subject with men, but the truth is, some of them just need to learn! And if you don't teach them, or somehow let them know what you want, they will never know. Its all in the approach. You have to go about it realllllllly delicately. But if you have the patients, things will get better. Its a learning experience for both of you. Good luck. And its sounds like he does love you!!

Answer 8

Oh, boy, I was married to someone like that for 23 years! I was always the initiator. And believe it or not,HE used to get mad because HE was tired!! All this talk to him is bull; I tried and tried to do that and all I ever got was,"You know I love you." He never even could say it. And the longer you're with someone like that, the more you get a complex. I used to think something was a matter with ME! I think, in their own way, they do love you but it really did a number on the way I felt about myself for years.

Answer 9

Some people just isn't that much into sex as others are. Maybe your husband is one of them. My advice is not to nag about the whole thing, it won't solve the problem. Try to be as sexy as you can be. Be playful if the two of you are together alone. Nibble at his ear, stroke him in places that will give him pleasure, give little hugs. And if nothing works then maybe it's time for a face to face talk.

Answer 10

Have you talked to him about this problem? That may be a good place to start don't you think. Did you gain a lot of weight after the daughters? That will turn any guy off stone cold. Take a look at yourself and then sit down with him and talk about it. Or you could do this "Doctor Phil.com"