All of my Ex-Boyfriends had cheated on me and now I cant trust anyone. And the hard thing is I can't trust my husband either and we have been married for a year. I have a problem with trust because of my past. I do love my husband ! But I just feel that he will cheat on me just like everyone else I have been with has . I feel that I am not beautiful to him anymore. Even though he calls me beautiful everyday. I don't understand why I think so much about him cheating it's just something of the past. Any thoughts on what I should do to help myself get better? Thanks !!
2006-10-25 18:14:15 · 10 answers · asked by jess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From what I'm getting- your husband is paying for what your previous bfs have done to you and its not fair. Plain and simple, you have a self esteem issue, which I think you have pretty much admitted and its a very hard one to overcome. You have to realize that its not your fault that the other's cheated. You have to accept that your new hubby thinks you're beautiful and you need to love yourself. You can do anything from getting professional help to reading a good self-help book but you need to reconnect with yourself.
I don't believe this issue is even about cheating if you really think about it. I think its about your own self image and the fact that you believe that you're "not good enough" or "deserve to be cheated on". Do something that makes you feel beautiful and will help you love you and resign yourself to the fact that no matter what, you're husband is going to love you-whether you like it or not.
2006-10-25 18:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a more relaxed approach to life. The fact of the matter is, those who cheated on you in the past were going to do it regardless of how jealous and possessive you acted prior to the cheating. How do you figure that this sort of behaviour will prevent cheating - and let's be honest, that's really what you're trying to do. You're so worked up about protecting yourself and putting up so many barriers, that you'll end up driving a wedge between you and your husband.
So you've been cheated on - who hasn't? It hurts a heap and the anger and vitriol rise up until you want slap the offender repeatedly but nothing will change the fact. Adopting a jealous and possessive pattern of behaviour will not prevent someone from cheating again. If anything it will only serve to piss your husband off.
You need to do two things:
the first is to consider your past and whether you in any way contributed to an environment that perhaps pushed your exes away from you.
The second is to try and build the most positive and trusting relationship you can with your husband. The more he trusts you and values the relationship, the less likely he is to stray. It may help to enlighten him as to your fears and in regard to your past - a little empathy may help you adjust your attitude.
Good Luck!
2006-10-25 18:23:47 · answer #2 · answered by Kble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is a self-fulfilling process. It is a form of clinging that just about everyone will eventually run away from. I've been guilty from both sides of this coin.
Jealousy is suffocating to a relationship. I learned this lesson hard in my life. Now I simply don't do it anymore. If my wife wants to have a guy friend, I'm totally fine with it. If she wants to sleep with him. OK there too. I doubt I'd stick around after that, but it is her choice and I honor that and trust her to make the choices that best serves her long term happiness. Of course with this attitude and loving her enough to let her go if that was her choice, she is far less likely to ever cheat. Why would she when I clearly love and care about her enough to not try and control her choices?
I can tell you that if you keep up this jealousy he will eventually tire of it and you will have essentially created the situation you fear the most.
2006-10-25 18:54:39 · answer #3 · answered by taotemu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can trust someone, just not anyone you know. You're jealous of the girls those guys hang out with? If you really want to stop being jeaous, young lady, get yourself a new bf. Not all men cheat, you know. So take my advice, even if it means getting a adivorce and moving. then commit yourself to a better man, forever!
2006-10-25 18:17:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not understand the rules of the game. Everything thats coming into your life..you are attracting into your life and its attracted to you virtue by the images you hold in your mind..its what you thinking about. When your first boyfreind cheated on you, you were devestated. So you thought about boyfreinds and cheating, those were the predominant thoughts your awarness along with intense passionate negative emotion. When you focus on something with your thoughts along with alot fo passion..you will attract what ur thiniking about even faster. You attracted more boyfreinds that cheated because thats what u focused on. You have to let go of the belief that your next boyfreind will cheat on you, because if you dont, all of them will one way or another. And i really do mean this, its not some philosophical assumption I am pertianting, this is law....the law of atttraction...look it up
2006-10-25 18:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by Keith 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are just an emotional train wreck looking for an excuse to break up your marriage. I have seen your type before...you have an inferiority complex the size of a Pontiac and you will either drive him crazy or you will cheat on him. Don't believe me? Go ask a shrink... you are a text book case. I beg you to seek professional help if you have one ounce of respect for yourself or your husband left inside you. Go ahead and get pi$$ed-off, but search your heart........you KNOW I'm telling you the truth, don't you?
2006-10-25 18:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Delete the negative thoughts from your mind, just like when you make mistakes in your computer.
Negative thoughts are like heavy and stinking manure you are carrying all the while. Only if you release or dismiss these negative thoughts from your system, will make you truly enlightened and have inner peace and joy.
2006-10-25 18:22:58 · answer #7 · answered by Ely C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trust is the Base's of any marriage. And have self confidence in who you are.
2006-10-25 18:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's normal to get paranoid since u suffer a lot in the past......but u must be brave n' just forget it.........be positive.......in your mind, always thinks that your husband is special.......he won't betray u.....etc.......u should appreciate him..... :)
2006-10-25 18:22:18 · answer #9 · answered by Marijuana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get some self esteem to yourself if that is you in the picture i n my opion you are a pretty woman . in my opion?
2006-10-25 18:59:32 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋