My 21-year-old son just returned home to live after being "away" for about 9 months. We have one computer and it's in our bedroom. My husband (not my son's father) blew up about my son using the computer, says he doesn't want him in "his" bedroom or on the computer at all, ever. I asked him to compromise; my son will only be on it when he's gone, so he'll never know. He said he won't compromise, and has been mad and won't talk to me every since then -- 4 days ago! I think there's more going on here than the computer. My son has been in trouble a lot in the past, and my husband knows about some of it, but he has been nothing but polite with my husband and has changed his life since his return. I should mention my husband is from Nigeria, and they have a very strict view (including beating) of raising kids; I am more liberal. I think he's overreacting. Any comments?
2006-10-25 17:57:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obviously a difficult situation you have there.... How long have you been married and what was your husbands treatment or feelings of your son before? Oddly enough men become very territorial when other males enter their environment. It is primal inbreed caveman male ego B.S. but, it is true. It is particularly more evident in other cultures. Perhaps like your husbands. You have many things to consider... Do you love your husband? Do you love your son? Is your husbands behavior reasonable? Should your son be living at home at age 21? What do you think is fair and reasonable and what would you like to happen? Perhaps moving the computer to a neutral location would solve the problem.... I doubt it though .... I think the issues are deeper than the use of the computer. I hope you are not forced to make a difficult decision.... Like between husband and son. In that case you must follow your heart and do what is best for you... Just a thought.... Peace .......
2006-10-25 18:21:43 · answer #1 · answered by Martini-69 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your bedroom is you and your husband's sanctuary. That means it does not exist for the convience of children.
Your son is old enough to work and purchase his own computer. Otherwise, he can us the computer at the public library. Your bedroom for any reason should be off limits to your child.
The silent treatment from hubby is a huge sign that the computer issue is a diversion and there is something larger going on. I recommend you get counseling or see a pastor or someone.
No one deserves conflict in the home.
2006-10-27 19:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by helpwanted 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's afraid your son will do something illegal on his computer
or else maybe your husband doesn't want him to know what he's been doing on the computer.
I didn't think about this until someone else mentioned it. He may have financial info on there that your son should not get access to.
That's only good common sense. Besides your son has no business in your bedroom. He's old enough to get out on his own and have his own computer.
2006-10-26 01:02:26 · answer #3 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should respect your husband's wish and tell your son not to use his computer. A person's computer is very personal to them and they would not want someone else (especially someone they don't like) to touch it.
Get you son to find a job and buy a computer of his own. It's best that your son have a place of his own. Your son's presence in your house will be the cause of your marriage breakup if you are not careful.
2006-10-26 13:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to suggest you move the computer out of the bedroom, but you said your husband doesn't want him on it at all. Maybe your son needs to get a job and buy his own computer in his own apartment.
2006-10-26 01:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is being too strict. I also have a 21 year old boy; also a 17 year old boy. they fight over the computer and/or playing games on line or communicating with friends on line.. As for the youngest he must be off the computer and phones by 11pm or lose use of them for a week. For the older one; I'd rather have him home on line be it computer or games than out getting into trouble. I make demands to read some of their communication to avoid it being used for prono or violation of laws. if one of those things show up the computer is gone for good., and if law enforcement comes to the door over it's use; than, it gone, for good. Tell your husband the computer is a good job seeking tool . a job means: his own place, car, his own computer and of course not there to bother him.
2006-10-26 01:15:22 · answer #6 · answered by denfasr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i know you love your son and your husband. but your husband comes first now, the bedroom is your personal place for you and your husband. you could get him an computer. you could move it but if (the man) your husband paid for it respect his wishes. your son is 21 come on. i don't think he is jealous, selfish or overreacting. he just wants respect.
2006-10-26 01:26:37 · answer #7 · answered by sweet sexy san 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is only my opinion.. But it does sound like he resents your son. Unfortunately kids are going to get in trouble. As parents we need to guide them in the right direction & try to correct them. Your husband needs to start being supportive of you & your sons relationship. My suggestion is this.. Until your husband starts to accept your son for who he is, he need not be informed of any mishaps in your sons life. That could be a downfall for your son. If your husband choses to be supportive & accept your son then that is fine & share with him whatever you need too. But until that day comes the info should only be between you & your son.. As it sounds as if he is hindering the relationship between you and your son. And you don't want to weaken that bond.
2006-10-26 01:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by Kammaka2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how would you feel,if you are in your own room trying to relax after a long day of work and here comes someone to disrupt that time, I know is hard for us moms to understand because we love our kids and they don't bother us, but see it this way...if this were his son, how would you feel that someone else is using you computer and in your own room? I don't think your husband is jealous, seems more like he feels like someone has invaded his privacy, give your husband some time to adjust to the change. and try to respect his need for privacy, after all your son came to his house too, right?
2006-10-26 01:10:25 · answer #9 · answered by fun 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say he doesn't want your son to close to his personal belongings. Maybe he's scared you son will see to much personal info. in the room or at your computer desk? Why don't you just ask him what the problem is?
2006-10-26 01:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by outlook0330 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋