My first new baby?

Question

Hi, i am 27 years old, married for 2 years now, i'm 26 weeks pregnant, i think its my 6th month !! i guess.

i am happy that soon i am going to welcome a third member to my little family, but i am so scared, and everytime i go shopping for the baby, or think about giving him bath, food, love, etc.. i go nuts, and i either cry or just do somthing else.

the problem is, i lived my entire life motherless, and actually my mother in law is so old she barely can help her self, we do not have people who you can hire or ask for their service helping you with the new baby born and pay them, they usually are normal maids and they are not safe at all...my husband is fine, but he is useless in this, he might HELP a little but not majorly !!
so any new VERY important tips you can give me, to at least feel secure now that my baby will stay alive with me !! things that usually are not in any book, coz i have read many books so far.
i know i am all alone in this,

i appreciate it

Answer 1

i'm 23 and expecting our first baby too. i didn't think anybody could be as scared as i am. i read every single word of the responses and plan on reading the rest as they came in. my husband lost his job today so i looked around for free insurance and food and found that and much more!! the local health department has free parenting and breast feeding classes. and u can sign up for free food even if u or ur husband have a good job (save money for diapers). i've heard of a lot of people meeting other first time moms at parenting classes. i'm hoping to meet other moms and be able to talk to them about what we're all going through. maybe u can meet moms at parks or baby stores if u live in a big city too.

Answer 2

Not that it helps right now, but when that little boy is born, so many things will click into place. It is like moms are hardwired for mothering and I've often seen a calm confidence come over new moms who were terrified just days before. He will love you more then anyone else, and won't know any different if you are fumbling a bit, you are his mom and that's all that matters. You are not alone, every mom has felt scared about different aspects of becoming a mother, there are mom's near you who would love to help, we're everywhere. La Leche League (or similar club) is a good place to find experienced moms before you deliver, so that you can feel comfortable calling on them later.
The nurses will give you lots of help in the hospital, ask them everything you can think of before you are discharged. Also ask about a lactation specialist on call to visit you before you leave.
I don't know where you live, but here in California, Labor and Postpartum Doulas are very popular and I hear of them everywhere. I became a Doula 6 years ago, and my most satisfying experiences with clients have been first time parents. Many have said that they don't know what they would have done without their Doula. A Doula should be trained in all normal new baby care and have some training in breastfeeding. She can help around the house, show you how to give a bath, be a sounding board for your concerns etc... I really recommend it in your case. Becoming a mother is so special, you deserve to enjoy it fully and have the support you need.
If a Doula is not available in your area, find a good Childbirth Educator (who often work as Doulas) or a Lactation Consultant, who can often answer a great variety of questions, and help you feel secure about your new role. Doulas can be expensive, if that is a problem for you, try to find a doula who has recently finished training and so may have lower rates. And then hire her for just the few times you think you will really need help, perhaps your first day home from the hospital, or the first day your husband goes back to work. My heart goes out to you, I hope you find becoming a mother is the most wonderful thing you've ever felt.

Answer 3

Hi. I know what you are saying. Been there, done that. Try not to worry so much. You will do just fine. My husband and I did not have anyone to help us either. But we are doing just fine. You will be amazed at how men will step up to the plate if need be. Just make sure that you don't make the mistake of doing EVERYTHING for the baby. Let your husband step in, even if he is not doing things the way you would. My husband actually does a better job at parenting than I do some of the time.

Anxiety getting the best of you. This happens to most mommies-to-be. You are going to do just fine. You can read all of the baby books in the world but nothing will really prepare you for whats ahead. All babies are different and just when you think you have yours figured out, they'll go and change on you.

Join a parents group such as "Las Madres". These groups offer playdates, lunch dates, and are a tremendous help when it comes to advise and support for new parents.

Good luck & god bless you and your husband on this life changing adventure!

Answer 4

Remember babies are very oh whats the word I dont know very flexible. I guess You will do fine be confident. Its ok to be scared if necessary ask the nurse at the hospital to help you bathe your baby for the first time just so you can get a feel for it. A baby will let you kow when something is wrong. And you can tell if its a hungry cry a hurt cry or a pick me up I want to be held cry. I know that sounds funny but they are people to and they have different moods. Also remember that alot of babies have fussy time. When they just cry to cry. Its ok to let them cry for a little while. Crying is the only exercise they get. Always lay baby on his or her back. Research has shown that this helps prevent SIDS. Also remember all this is as new for the baby as it is for you. Your baby will love you even if you screwup sometimes. Its normal to be scared and afraid sometimes but remember to be confident and just love your baby. Enjoy every minute of it. Oh yeah and another thing sleep while baby is sleeping other wise you will get no rest. Best of luck

Answer 5

What a lucky little child your baby will be to have a mother who cares so much for his safety and well being to do this much research. You are a smart mother. Good for you.

Since you have asked this question on the internet, you obviously have access to the internet to find information. You say you have read lots of books - that is good, to get basic information, however, each child is different in some ways and you will learn to be the best judge of what is best for your child.

Ask your Obstetrician, or the nurse in the office for some information of support groups for young mothers. Most cities have them and you will find out a lot of things - you will make friends with other young women who are in the same situation - a learning one - as you. You will gain support, advice, and love as well as these groups often grow into babysitting pools of mothers, play groups for the kids and other outings and helps. If you are involved in a church, or other organization there may be some groups for young parents there as well.

I don't know about your town, but where I live, the local State Health Department has programs such as this for support for new moms. Check out the phone book for WIC offices, or call the local health dept. or Department of Human Services in your community to ask about WIC (you probably know already, but this is a program for Women, Infants, Children which gives all kind of support - nutritional support, food for mom and babies (if you are pregnant, you may already be eligible. Often they have posters on the bulletin boards in their offices (or any "baby related" offices) listing organizations that might be just right for you.

Again, I am so sorry that you do not have a mother of your own to help now - that would be good, or if you had sisters to share with. I wanted but did not have sisters so I made "sisters" of my friends and we all helped each other. I raised three successful children - all healthy and grown and on their own now. Stick together with your husband. Include him in the parenting and make him feel appreciated for anything at all that he does for you during this time, or for the new baby (He'll want to do more if he gets recognition for his efforts). You can learn together. I think you will make a great MOM.

Answer 6

Hi, i have a four month old daughter and in ways i was and is in the same situation as you. Its just my husband and I and since she has been born i have taken care of my daughter by myself with the help of her father when he is not working and in the beginning when things were really hectic he was working 14 hours a day and yes it is hard but no its not impossible it was a very stressful time for me and still is somedays. before my baby i had never taken care of a baby in my life but when she was born little by little it just came to me im not saying its all instinct but to me it was more common sense and trial and error, you will learn to care for your baby and it will get easier. There were times when i said to myself that "i cant do this" but i got through it and im the happiest mother alive and thats without having any outside help...and not one babysitter. actually my husband and i are the only two people to ever hold our baby because our familys...thats a whole other story.

One thing that i know will help you through being a new mother is love your baby the way you would have wanted your mother to love you...and trust me everything else will fall into place.

Answer 7

You will have a little practice in the hosp. Keep the baby in your line of sight at all times. This will most likely come naturally to you. You will be walked throught he changing of your baby, if they offer to take pictures, sure, but do not let them take the baby, get up and go too. It will only hurt for a bit. Keep the baby in your bed w/you whenever poss. and breastfeed. ASk right away for help in the first latching on so you do not get sore. Breast milk is number one on the list of importance. You have `to drink cow milk, babies were meant to drink mommy milk. Formula cannot compete with mom milk, it does not contain the antibodies, etc you can provide. If the nurse is not helpful, ask for another. Someone will help you with nursing. Thais if you ask. It is VERY important.

As far as hiring and babsitter, baby needs you. No one else. Dad is important, sure but he will be out hunting and gathering (or working at the day, and will be home after to cherish the moments. If you are afraid to bathe the baby, run a bath, strip down, climb in with her/him. If you feel unsteady, have someone hand baby to you.

Caring for your baby will become easy after the first day. Your instincts will kick in. If you ever feel they have not, call your doctor immediately. But I think you are showing normal fears and hormones right now.

This will be the most memorable time of your life. You will be fine.

I hope I helped. Good luck. You can do it!

You do not need a maid, your baby will learn along with you.

Welcome to mother hood, enjoy.

I will never forget the wonderful experience.

She is 13 now. Got any advice for me?

Answer 8

thts where u r wrong u are not alone in this everyone is scared to death of becoming a parent the 1st time the 2nd time the 3rd time this only shows you care. things books didnt prepare me for....... breastfeeding is alot harder than anyone will tell you, you will not know what the lack of sleep feels like until you experience. if you are frustrated it is ok to step outside for a few min. new borns are really quite boring they dont do anything until you try to go to sleep. Things you wont think of to have in your home at all times = oxiclean baby, mr.clean magic eraser and tylenol. and if you are anything like me once baby sleeps through the night you'll need sleeping pills (but that might be because I had two babies in a row so after 3 years of no sleep my body just got use to it) Good Luck and Congrats

Answer 9

I too was very insecure with my first baby. This is perfectly normal. I remember thinking that my baby didn't like me! (she cried alot) but I soon learned that healthy tiny babies usually cry for one of three reasons: 1) they're hungry
2) they're wet/soiled 3)they're cold. But the most wondrous and amazing thing is You will become an expert at distinguishing your baby's cries. I know you don't believe me now but it is the absolute truth. You will be able to zero in on what your child needs. It is the mystery and beauty of motherhood. On a more practical note, take advantage of the nurses in the maternity ward of your hospital. Not only are they professionally trained, most likely they are mothers themselves. Many hospitals offer parenting classes for new parents. Also this is a good way to meet other new mothers in your area. It is important that you don't allow yourself to become isolated after giving birth. Also, try your best to get as much sleep and rest as possible. Especially if you are breast feeding. My baby wanted to feed every two hours. It was a real challenge, but well worth it. If by chance someone you know wants to help out, let them help out with chores or meals and you use the opportunity for time with your baby. Anyone who wants to 'babysit' while you try and catch up on household duties is not really giving you the kind of 'help' you need. It will just zap your energy. Don't be afraid to tell people specifically what they can do to help you. Most people understand this. You really are not alone. Everyone feels overwhelmed, especially with their first child. You will make mistakes, but so what..that's how you learn and babies are so forgiving of their mothers! In fact they think their mom is greatest thing in the world. It will be the most challenging and most rewarding thing you will ever do. You are going to do just fine. I can tell because you are so earnest in your resolve to be a good mother.
Other than getting as much rest as possible, the best tip I can give you is to not be afraid to discuss your insecurities with your husband, even your mother in law. Although she is old, she may have a wealth of wisdom and encouragement to share with you.

Answer 10

You might want to consider fonding a Doula. This is an experienced mom who is professionally trained to help a mother through childbirth and adjusting to the newborn period. DONA is the certifying orgainzation for these amazing women.

I also recommend finding an online community such as http://www.mothering.com/discussions
These mamas have really helped me through some tough times. There are due date clubs too. It is great to go through a pregnancy with another group of people who understand what you're dealing with.