Question about feelings for someone?

Question

I've been married for almost 3 years. I love my husband- but he doesn't act like he really appreciates me- he's not very affectionate- and I feel like he takes me for granted. He's gotten lazy about doing stuff around the house, and he often puts off my requests for sex. Anyway- my question is this. I have another man that I see several times a week, and well, he makes me feel so smart and so appreciated. I'm trying so hard not to have feelings for him, but I can't help feeling something. The way he looks at me and treats me just makes me feel like a teenager again (you know that first crush, innocent feeling). It just feels good to have someone to talk to. I can't stop being around him- any suggestions on how I can get beyond my feelings? I don't want to cheat on my husband- there's no way I can avoid being around this man.

I know you can "emotionally" cheat on your spouse- and I don't want to be unfaithful in anyway. I find myself dressing up whenever I'm going to see this person, and just getting excited when I know I'll run into him. I need suggestions for getting beyond this. I have to be around this person- so I can't remove myself from the situation. Please help- mature answers only please.

Answer 1

Hmm... sounds like you both have neglected each other... for whatever reason couples assume that each knows what the other is thinking, and the talking eventually becomes silence, and from there someone becomes discontent and the other is oblivious that anything is wrong. Tell your husband what you tell this other man, the first sentence will be the hardest, but it will be the one that could quite possibly keep you faithful.

Answer 2

Talk to your husband, tell him that you not getting your needs met. Remind him that you are a woman and you need attention. If he doesn't changed, he has been warned. Give him some time like a month and keep reminding him gently. If no change, move out of the house but don't divorce. See what happens then. Unless he comes to get you and acts how you want, you can date the other man. Too bad for your husband if he doesn't change.

Answer 3

When your in the situation your in there will always be something the will test your moral, marital values. Just remember if your in a bad situation, deal with the situation don't look elsewhere for the missing ingredient that your relationship lacks...because crossing that line will make things near hopeless to stay married. Tell your husband how you feel...perhaps no some much that he is being considered to be replaced but the fact that he isn't meeting your needs.

Answer 4

Ok...first and foremost youre overthinking things. It happens and sure itd be easy to slip cause obviously the man is into you no matter. I think if you just pull back and realize what you have youll realize the innocent flirting youve done with the man is just that. All will work out because obviously you care and wouldnt let something happen. Dont change a thing because it keeps things hot at home and for your self image. Everything is fine...just dont overanalyze it or let it interfere for too long in your mind. Its all a natural thing that as adults is a neat feeling.

Answer 5

You know what? I just went through exactly the same thing myself. But i was too weak to control myself and hence, went head over heels over my lover. However, i have kids and they brought me back to the real world. We broke up but i still can feel him, his touch,his looks and the way he treated me. It was like you said, teenager crush kind of feeling. More importantly, he made me feel really good about myself. Unfortunately for me, he is married and we can't do anything about it. Till this day, i regretted having started, not because i don't love him but because it hurts like hell to have to end it. What goes around comes around. I am still feeling the pain and pining for him. So,whatever you do,make sure you can differentiate your needs from your wants. Give a try with your hubby, at least 6 months. If it's still no go, then go to your lover. If he loves you enough, he'll stick around. Goodluck

Answer 6

When you see him and he makes you feel special there is nothing wrong with that you have taken the first step in the right direction by not wanting to cheat on your husband. Sometimes it makes us women feel pretty and special to get attention from men espc. if our husband isn't doing much of that just always keep in mind the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence and once u jump that fence you burn the bridge to take you back home most the time

Answer 7

You are not the only person. I was in the same situation i know exactly how you are feeling.

Let me ask you something are you in love with your husband?
Please be honest with yourself.
This is very important if you are starting to fall in love with this new person find out how he feels about you.If he makes you feel like you are the only person in the planet when you are with him.If he sees you directly to your eyes, like he is under a spell. Then you know he has deep feelings for you too.
If you both are starting to fall in love don't let him go for it. Don't let him go.

Don't make the same mistake that i did i quit my job and, now i don't see him no more. NO ONE CAN MAKE FEEL THE WAY HE DID. HIS EYES WERE ELECTRIC.

DON'T LOSE AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE HAPPY.
REMEMBER LIGHTNING DOESN'T STRIKE TWICE.

Answer 8

If you really want to stop your crush on this guy then stop dressing up & trying to look good when you're going to see him.
Think long & hard about what's going on with your husband & ask yourself if you believe it's going to get better or worse over the years & if you can live with him for the rest of your life.
If you don't think you can then you need to get out now & don't linger for years in an unhappy marriage.

Answer 9

You need to smarten up and not deal with that other man. Yes, you are right about emotionally cheating - that can be really, really dangerous. You had better take those cozy feelings and put them right back on your spouse - concentrate your energies there.

Answer 10

you def. need to talk to your husband, honestly tell him what is lacking and how it makes you feel. put it out there that although you love him, yu are being driven away from him by all that is occuring at home. i dont think it would be wise to tell him who this person is if it comes to that because you have to work with them, but your hubby wont know anything unless you tell him. you need to talk to him ASAP