I am married to a person of another nationality and race. Why do we have such a complicated life after 5 years

Question

He is hispanic and I am white. He is from mexico and has been here for almost 10 years. I have lived in the same state for all my life. He on the other hand has lived every where. He doesn't want to live in one place and I want to stay where I am. I went to college and he didn't I have children and he didn't. Is there any hope we will ever survive our very different lives? I am getting bored of the whole thing already but I love him very much. We now have a three year old son, he is a great father and he works very hard. He isn,t into us as much as I am or am I the one has flunked out of this relationship test?

Answer 1

I understand where you are coming from and it can be hard. But sometimes this happens and its okay to feel the way you do. You love him and I am sure he loves you. Just try to be patient and remember to always try and keep the lines of communication open. You seem like a very smart woman and you know how to make him happy so I wish you luck. If you want to talk about it more email me.

Answer 2

I too am married to a man from another Country. It's going to very hard for you to convince him to change his way of life. I believe the problem lies in the fact that most other countries still have the old fashioned culture of women being beneath men and that the man is head of the household, no matter if he is beating his wife, or having other women outside of the marriage, or doesn't spend time with his kids. They don't seem to put much stock in women's opinions if its not about taking care of the kids or house. (sorry if I sound bitter!) It is very difficult for an American woman to come to terms with their attitude towards women, even when they feel they are more "Americanized" than others from their country. I think the best thing to do is talk to him about couples therapy and see just how committed to you and your marriage and being "American" he really is. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

This doesn't have to do with either of ur races or cultures, it has to do with both of u. U say u love him and I'm sure he loves u too. He's fallen into a bit of complacency. He works hard and expects u to be the homemaker and that is that. Typical of most males no matter what race or culture. Men just simply get into a complacency mold and need a quick kick in the butt to remind them that their wives need to be romanced continuously or the marriage goes down hill from there. Talk to ur husband let him know how u feel and try taking one night for both of u without the kids and go out on a date with each other and try to remember when he was courting u. Try counseling if need be but by him being Hispanic that'll be hard (the Machismo thang u know). Talk to him before it gets so bad that u can't talk to each other. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Focus on common ground and build on that. This common ground must be more than the child you share.

I have had to move, change jobs and lives because of my husband's mobile career. My husband is awesome and it is small sacrifice to make.

Our marriage has gotten more close and intimate--because we have overcome so much together. Overcoming obstacles and building a life together with shared goals is what brings passion into a relationship--not having things in common.

It seem the more difficult things were that we had to overcome, the rewarding it was in the long run. All relationships go through peaks and valleys. It is not good to end a relationship because of a temporary valley.

So make a decision now. To stay or go. If you stay, focus all of your energies on building a life with your husband. Divorce or separation is not an option if that is your choice. That may mean sacrificing your desire to stay in one place and moving with your husband.

Maybe he is 'pulling away' because he senses you are pulling away. Maybe he is trying to protect his heart. If you decide to stay, give him your complete devotion and focus on what it will take to build a solid marriage.

If you must go, then be decent and let him go to find the love that is willing to be devoted to him. Give yourself the gift of moving on.

A wise woman once told me that divorce and new relationships are never easy. It seems easy because maybe we are not in a 'place' where we like being at the moment. But all relationships have faults. Divorce and remarriage is like trading one set of problems for another set of problems. So problems do not go away. You just may have a new set of problems to deal with and they may be considerably more unplesant than the ones you have now.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Personally, I hope and pray that you and your husband can work it out for yourselves and for the baby you share.

Answer 5

You probly have different beliefs and I can already see the different opinions. It can be really tough...Im sure. You have lived one way, and he has lived another way. Im not sure what you should do, but the main thing is stand your ground and hold onto what you believe in. Live the way you want to live, dont live a certain way to make HIM happy. I mean, there will be sacrifices, but dont let him change your world. Your backgrounds are completely different. It tends to cause problems.

Answer 6

If it is ture love then it will work out but the problem with him always wanting to move could be a problem! There isn't much really that you could do about that the only thing that you could do is talk to him. Good luck!

Answer 7

i'm fascinated in my race and different races subsequently i visit date and marry outdoors my race if i encounter someone outdoors my race that i love. not something is incorrect with relationship outdoors of your race that is effective to save an open ideas.

Answer 8

I think the answer to your problems is compromise. You don't want to move, he does. Why not try moving, but not very far away.

Answer 9

Naw he is a loser move on

Answer 10

You married problems...You should not be surprised...