What do you think? Serious answers only please!?

Question

Ok, my husband is in the military and is in Pennsylvania at school, he leaves for Iraq
when he gets done in a week. Right now, in my eyes (and please tell me
if I am wrong!) he is being completely selfish. He has gone out and
partied for the past two nights with a bunch of the other guys. I dont
know what he's doing and I am sure I dont want to know, but I have
been trying to get a hold of him for the past hour and he has turned
his phone off. Our bank account is also currently in the negative
because of his partying habits. Is this common? I feel like he is only
thinking of himself and what he wants to do...he hasn't always been
the most faithful husband. I am scared. What should I do and do you
think my feelings are justified? Or am I just being a witch because he
gets to go out and I am stuck here pregnant with the kids??

Sorry...He is 32 years old.

I live in Missouri, so we are pretty far apart right now...he could get away with anything, I would never know.

Answer 1

Ok, heres the thing. From one military wife with kids to another...Its completely normal to feel what your feeling (especially being prego and especially considering he may not have been very faithful) In my experiences (my husband is deployed overseas right now - gone 11 weeks now) I understand the magnitude of their situation. They are leaving behind the ones they love. They won't be seeing their kids. they won't be seeing their wives or other family memebers...They have death staring them in the face and that has to be alot to swallow. I know when my husband was in training state side he had a few nights to drink it up. Put us in the negative as well. I knew he was probably gonna go to a strip club here and there. But he also never gave me a reason not to trust him. I actually don't really worry at all when he goes out. I (being a woman and all) of course turn green, feel a little bit depressed that hes' out there with some girls you know whats in his face...but, I've been with him at these places, I hang out with alot of guys and I've seen what goes on on guy nights...I'm sure they clean it up a bit when I'm around...but, I know the guys hes' with and I know that what they are going through is difficult and having that time to let loose and forget about their missions for a few hours is really needed. As long as he is behaving I think there really is nothing wrong with him having some fun (acceptable fun) before they leave everything behind....And you are certainly not being a witch. You of course know him better than I. Your worries could very well be legit (I really couldn't say from this end) Your feelings may be justifed depending on his behavior outside. Just remember that what HE is going through is a little bit more stressful than what you might be going through. I know how it feels, I have 2 kids. 4 and almost 2 years old. And its been VERY difficult for me...but I think about how it must feel to not see these kids for over a year. How he must feel knowing that I get to spend that year with them and watch them gorw and shareholidays with while he is over there risking his life. His life. We all feel these emotions. Believe me, your not a witch. Your not being selfish. You are having a normal reaction to this very stressful time. HANG IN THERE!!! It'll be tough. Please try to look on the bright side of things...for the baby and for your family. ANd of course for yourself. Don't think about what he might be doing adn if you are able to see him before leaving the country...have asmall talk with him about your feelings...let him know your concerns...hopefully this can work and it will set your mind at ease. Good luck and I will pray for his safe return.

Answer 2

Look, the other answers are all negative. Obviously your husband is somewhat young or at least not grown up yet. OK, he is off at school and is in the environment where the guys go out and party. Should he be more thoughtful? Sure. Should he not be spending money when you have kids? Definitley. But wondering what he he is doing? Well nothing you can do about that. Quit calling him all of the time and he will come around. Plus I assume his pay is direct deposit into a joint account. Once he is deployed he will have no chance to spend money. Plus every month squirrel a little away for emergencies, its what military wives do. So just keep it together and take care of the kids. I have been on deployments all of my life (last time, 1 year Afghanistan, 2 in Iraq) so I understand what you are going through. And what my wife went through when I was young. Odds are when he comes back he will have had a life changing experience and be a man who appreciates what he has. So don't send him away with any trauma or drama. Just try to make allowances..... especially if he is Army or a Marine. If he's not.... well, a little slack but not as much. All will be well, it part of being a military wife.

Answer 3

This is very complicated...

1. He is scared. He's not rational because he doesn't know if he is coming back alive. And, if he does come back alive, he may be a different person.

2. Yes, he is being selfish. If he loved and cared for you, then he'd be with you. Being scared is not an excuse.

3. If I were your I'd:
a. Wait and let him go to Iraq.
b. If he doesn't make it, your troubles are over, and you'll have a big fat check too.
c. If he does make it tell him its time for him to change his priorities. If he doesn't change, then, you, my young lady have a decision to make. If may not be a pleasant one, but it will have to be what is right for you and your new baby.

I find it curious in your question that you never mentioned that you loved him. If you do, this will be very hard. If you don't love him, then your decision should already be make.

TX Guy

Answer 4

I honestly can't be of much help.... My husband and I broke up for all the same reasons. I wish you the best and hope this is all worth it to you. You have to make that decision for yourself. Obviously I'm a little jaded so I would say he is being selfish! There is no way that he should be behaving that way, but at the same time I am also military and know that it can't be absolutely terrifying. However, it sounds like your man has a history of behaving badly(mine did too...), so maybe you have given enough...?. Well, Good Luck! I'm afraid you are probably going to need it!

Answer 5

I suppose he was once crying false tears the entire time. He's entirely now not critical approximately the connection and he is losing your FEELINGS on him. Don't provide your center away to an insecure, bloodless-hearted man or woman like that. He appears like he is simply toying with you. He appears like he simply needs to know the way a long way he can move into breaking you down till you ultimately say you may have had adequate. I do not suppose he is the correct one for you, sweetie. There are tons of worthier guys in the market so that you can opt for, however significantly now not this one you are speaking approximately. Over time, you can omit approximately him. Don't fear. You would love him nevertheless it doesn't suggest that you simply are not able to placed that love onto any person else extra necessary. Best of success.

Answer 6

No excuse and girl I feel your pain. That is selfish and I can not stand it when a man gets all with his buddies and drinks to relive his thought of going to Iraq and I also understand he could be scared that when he gets over there he may not come back and then you would be alone. So he could be doing this from fear. I loves you and yes its OK to feel the way you do but try to see how he feels to. Ill pray for you and I hope all works out. Keep in touch.

Answer 7

By serious answers only, does that mean you only want to hear from those who agree with you? My ex husband was in the military. From day one when he was in basic training the married men had girlfriends. I was young and dumb at the time and believed him when he told me that he was the only one being good. There are barracks "Ho's" that hang out around where the soldiers go off for temporary duty. Some of them "Ho's" are the wives of other soldiers that are deployed.

Most likely he shut his phone off because he doesn't want to hear you yelling at him and arguing with him. He knows that you stayed with him before, when he messed up on you so he will do it again. He will do it in Iraq to if he can find a willing participant. Most of them are doing it.

But hey, I can empathize with you because my ex husband went to work on this Korean woman's car every Sunday when we lived in California at Fort Ord, 22 years ago. I look back on that and see how dumb and naieve I was.

One of the best excuses they use to get out of the house is, "I have to go check on the soldiers in the barracks". That is just an excuse to get out of the house for a booty call. Why do those grown asss men need checked on?

You either need to deal with his infidelity or divorce him while he is gone. All men cheat.

Answer 8

He is being really completely selfish. You deserve better treatment than that. Besides he needs to know that his party money is what he is taking away from his kids. You are a very beautiful woman. God bless you and your kids if you need anything just email me.

Answer 9

Because your pregnate and stuck with kids is all the more reason his butt should be home he choose to help make them and leaving or not you and the kids need time with him also i can understand one night of partys with friends but you have every right to be mad i would be livid

Answer 10

I'd say he's being selfish and inconsiderate. You didn't mention his age, but I'd bet he is quite young. I guess you just need to wait for him to grow up.