My fiance told me there is nothing wrong with a married/engaged guy going out for a coffee with a girl if it's business related. Do you think it is right for a married/ enaged man to go out like that? My fiance plans on going back to school. And asked me if I'd get jelouse if he is out with a study partner. I told him if it was a guy he is studying with I would have no problem but if it was a girl I might get jelouse. Then asked me what if a girl sits next to him in class and that she is paired up with him as a study partner? Do you think that is asking for unwated trouble? Last year when were were dating he took pics with 17 year old girls his co-workers and him met at a club in South America while on busines. I was jelouse when he showed me the pics. Because my honey is 37. He said those girls only liked his 20 year old co-worker and he told those girls that they should be in school and nothing happened. But I didn't like him taking pics of teen girls. I am I insecure?
2006-10-25 15:55:27 · 9 answers · asked by Hot C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Put the rules down now about this sort of stuff. If he respects you and wants to be with you he deserves to know what the deal breakers are. If he ignores your wishes now it will only get worse after the ceremony is over. And any man who says he doesn't want to have a wife who is at least a little bit jealous is a big fat liar.
2006-10-25 16:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by jbsim75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, Honey...I think you are a little insecure. That's not necissarily a bad thing if you don't let it run your life. It is absolutely acceptable for your fiance to have a female "partner" in class, and I think that you should also be comfortable with him having a female study partner. Now, what I wouldn't be comfortable with is him staying out all hours of the night "studying", not answering his phone if you call and they are together, not wanting to allow you to meet this girl, etc. It is impractical to think that just because he is with you, he is never going to have interaction with anyone of the opposite sex. Relationships are built on trust, and if he hasn't done anything untrustworthy, there is no reason why you shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt on certain things. I
t also sounds like the pictures he took in South America were probably pretty harmless, although, when my hubbie goes away on business trips (and he is only 30), he doesn't go out and "party" with his co-workers. A drink or two, or a dinner is one thing, but partying at a dance club or bar until all hours of the night is a different thing. You might want to talk to him about this and let him know you aren't comfortable with that.
2006-10-25 23:09:30 · answer #2 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case you are maybe just a little insecure. It is possible for a man to have a completely platonic relationship with a woman. Just as you would believe that if you were going to uni and were partnered with a guy that you would only become study partners and nothing more. I think just put yourself in his shoes for a second and you may begin to understand that it is ok for him to make friends at school that are girls.
However, he is not allowed to keep them to himself, if you are to trust him and he becomes good friends with a girl then you should get to meet her. You can judge her for yourself then. If you didnt approve then if he is committed to you it would not be a problem for him to keep this girl at a distance. But he could still remain friends with her just not good friends.
If both of you were to truly imagine themselves in the others shoes then you would have the best understanding of the boundaries you would have for him in this situation and he would better understand your feelings. Situation reversed do you think he'd love it if you had plenty of good guy friends that he never met?
Jealousy is ok to have but dont be jealous of a person be jealous of anyone that takes up his time away from you. If you start being jealous of individuals then its not the right attitude. Coffee with a girl is still ok too, but if he doesn't want you to meet this girl then there is something he is wrong about. If he were in your position what would he be thinking?
Sorry if i gave you more questions than answers but your feelings are valid but for the sakeof the relationship do not get carried away with them :)
2006-10-25 23:14:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every girl is a bit insecure. But, he's not really doing much to ensure you that he won't do anything. Words only go so far, actions go farther. It is inappropriate for an engaged guy to go out for coffee with a female co-worker. It would be ok if there were other male & female coworkers, but only them two makes it sound like a date. I would be uncomfortable if it were my fiance. In fact, my fiance won't do that because he doesn't want to risk losing me or his integrity. I would read "Every Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge. This book explains a lot about protecting your sexual integrity. You will be able to put into words better why you feel insecure like you do, then you will be able to better explain it to him.
2006-10-25 23:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by karime444 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not insecure. You need to dump your fiance. He is an idiot and a pervert. He has no business hanging out with 17 year old girls and taking pictures of them. You could potentially be marrying a child molester. Get rid of the jerk.
2006-10-25 22:59:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men can and do go out to lunch etc. with women during the course of work / business...Men also have female study partners ....
This is often necessary and unavoidable...
It can lead to problems but it does not necessarily lead to problems.
2006-10-25 23:13:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be a third-party present.
2006-10-25 23:10:13 · answer #7 · answered by arkedthecovenant 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a tad.
2006-10-25 22:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by Alessa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you COFFEE colored
2006-10-25 23:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by Doctor Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋