I'm a 29y.o. gay male who met another guy online several years ago. We talk almost everyday on the phone, but have "yet" to meet in real life. He has admitted to me that he has feelings towards me, as I do for him. I value our friendship greatly, but when he mentions he's going out with a guy on a date, "why" do I get "extremely" jealous?! I'll admit it, I would love to date him, but I know that geographically it's not feasible. Is it wrong for me to think like this? Should I tell him how I feel? Ideas / Thoughts / Suggestions? Thank-you SO much!
2006-10-25 15:37:29 · 26 answers · asked by Drew 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You are jealous because you have feelings for him, but if it not geographically feasible you shouldn't expect him to sit home alone and only talk to you online. Since you haven't met in 'real life' you really shouldn't be feeling so jealous. You should be dating just as he is for someone more attainable in the area where you live. You should also suggest meeting him in person some time, but keep in mind that the Prince Charming you see online can turn out to be a frog in real life.
2006-10-25 15:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To give you an idea of what can be geographically feasible, my mother has dated a man out West (living on the East Coast herself) for 20 years, and I dated the woman who would become my wife for 12 years, with her in NYC and me in Orlando. Also, look at all the military spouses, not all of whom are straight! Distance can be doable; don't use that as an excuse.
I think it can only help you to make a decision, whether it is to try looking for guys locally and give up on this one or to tell him how you feel and arrange a meeting!
2006-10-25 22:46:26 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. I believe that it is perfectly fine and more importantly natural for you to feel this way . Because the situation is taking place long distance, your feelings of jealousy and even perhaps sadness may even be magnified. This is because you have no way to care for the person physically or emotionally in person and you have absolutely no physical control over what he does. As far as telling him how you feel, it may or may not be the right thing, depending on the particular circumstance. If you tell him, it could result in his feelings of guilt. But on the other hand, not telling him may built anxiety in your own life. I would weigh the pros and cons of telling him and come to a rational conclusion. Hopefully this helps. Good luck.
G. Forakis (Psychology Unit - Hopkins University)
2006-10-25 22:46:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is only natural that you are jealous of someone you like going out with someone else. I think that you realsie that by the way you have answered your own question in regards to the geographical thing. It is not wrong to think of that. If you want to tell him tell him but I don't think there is much you can do if you are so far apart. I think it'll either be get together and move or you may just have to adjust overtime.
2006-10-25 22:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal to feel that way about someone you care very much about, but as you said... distance is the problem. although some long-distance relationships work out, most of them fail. You can try talking about it to him, but I'm pretty sure he'll say that you guys are miles apart and it wont work. Unless someone does something extremely romantic ;)... take a trip and go express your love to him in person ;)... then ull know if it will work out between you 2.
2006-10-25 22:42:17 · answer #5 · answered by *·.·´¯`·.·* jay *·.·´¯`·.·* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't do any good to tell him how you feel unless one of you is willing to relocate. It's understandable why you get jealous but not realistic. Maybe you should try to get a grip on your feelings toward him and know that he is just your friend because if he knows you are jealous he may stop feeling free to talk to you as a friend for fear of hurting you.
2006-10-25 22:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were his friend, you'd be happy for him. He is a man you are fond of, he is not your personal possession. He is a guy, not a THING under your control.
You are fantasizing about a man you have never met. take the steps to meet him, get to know him as a breathing, 3 dimensional person and not just a cyber-buddy.
In the meantime, grow up.
2006-10-25 23:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one advice I can give you-be honest, speak your mind out.he can't read your mind.People see relationships in completly different perspective.We can't blame each other for that.I believe You are friends but don't expect to much from him if you didn't specify yourself and your point of view.It hurts you when You know that he goes out with someone else.Be good for yourself don't hurt yourself.Tell him how you feel and what you expect.I know it might be hard but you will be surprised how much relief it is going to bring.Good friendship or relationship must be based on honesty.This is the only way to satisfy yourself and your partner.Be real.I know you can do it!!!!
2006-10-25 23:24:14 · answer #8 · answered by magdalena W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion, whether you are gay or not does not matter...you are a human and you care about another human who is a long ways away....from my experience, long distance really never works unless one party is willing to relocate....does this person know how you feel? have you expressed your feelings? and are either of you willing to relocate for the other? if the answer to these are no, then there's nothing you can do....talk to the one you love or care for and let him know exactly how you feel and good luck with this... you seem like you are struggling with this and i do hope all works out for you!
2006-10-25 22:42:01 · answer #9 · answered by BOOYAH 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jealously is there because you haave spent good time together nd both have feelings for each other. Inyour mind, you are both dating. Only thing I reccomend is to tell him but be carefull not to seem too jealous, as to be way too possisive since you are so far away.
2006-10-25 23:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋