I have been happily married for 4 years together for 8. We have 2 beautiful kids together. Anyways lately actually for the past 2 months hes been going out like 4 times a week he works a lot and I never get to see him. Anyways he always comes home at a pretty reasonable hour. But my ? to you all is how do I talk to him about staying home with his family without causing a fight or to seem like I am nagging him???
2006-10-25 15:29:37 · 33 answers · asked by littlemama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start off with "I feel" instead of "you are" . Share your feelings with him without getting too upset,its not fair that he's not there for you and your kids.Just stay calm and ask him out of respect for you to do the same,and let him know that your merely trying to come to some kind of happy medium not just for yourself but for the kids and they need someone to speak on their behalf,because Im sure theyre missing him. If that doesnt work then your probably gonna have to show him what its like to be in your position,so if he doesnt comply call up some friends and get ready to go see some movies,hang out and let him have the kids as often as he would let you.
2006-10-25 15:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by prettybelle7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he going out 4 times a week? Is he going out to work? Going out with the Boys? Going out just to get away from the house? If you don't know, you need to find out. If he won't tell you, then maybe you need to find out, or have a friend follow him and find out where he is going.
That will give you abit more to go on when you talk to him about spending so much time away from home....or, perhaps then you may not have to talk to him; you may just have to make some decisions that you don't necessarly want to make. (I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make that seem hurtful)
Have you changed in any way that may make him not want to stay home? Do the kids fight or get on his nerves when he is home?
Did anything specific happen 2 months ago when he started this going out 4 times a week?
What is your private life with him when he is home?
I hope things can work out for you. Good Luck!!!
2006-10-25 18:07:47 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, unless there are financial problems, if a person spends more time at work than at home, there is a problem. You say he goes out 4 times a week. I am guessing that you mean he is going out for entertainment. Never ask 'why?'. Ask what you and your kids can do to persuade him to spend more time with you. Ask him if he can understand that you and the children love him, value his time and depend on him for so much more than the paycheque he brings home.
Always remain calm and never make accusations. Don't beg. I am sure you will get a lot of other suggestions and advice that will help you.
If things don't improve, seek professional help.
2006-10-25 15:47:47 · answer #3 · answered by GORDO BLAKHART 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truly a hard worker you need to support his efforts to be a bread winner to support the family. I'm sure he would rather be with his family given the choice.
You might let him know how much you care about him by showing him romantic situatuation so you can change his focus to you rather than going out. I strongly suggest you be the sweet sexy woman he signed up for when he married you and keep the romance alive.
it is easy to stray from the family when you work hard and crave relaxation or attention from an outside source.
Love your man and let him think it's his idea to stay home by giving him a sexy reason to miss going out with the boys.
dress sexy be sexy and show him you still have what it takes to keep the romane alive.
Good luck
2006-10-25 16:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about how you feel - no accusations, just keep it calm and honest. Suggest compromises. Do you go out on your own, too? If not ask for equal time away. Or perhaps you get a sitter and go with him once in awhile? Start scheduling family activities - for all 4 of you. Get him involved, too. Ask him for ideas.
Oh, and it's not nagging. Too many times we feel guilty about things like this. The feelings get pushed deep down inside and start to fester. When you least expect it the problems will feel too huge to deal with because they've sat unresolved for so long.
2006-10-25 15:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make plans for the family and let him know several days ahead of time. Or you could just set him down and tell him you are worried about you two. Tell him you don't necessarily want him to quit going out completely but that you want him to spend more time with the kids and with you. Tell him that you know he works hard and deserves a break but you miss him and so does the kids. I am sure he will understand where you are coming from.
2006-10-25 15:39:16 · answer #6 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he comes home at a reasonable hour, why do you complain that you "never" get to see him? Are you sure you're not being a little bit overbearing? Sometimes adults need to spend time doing their own thing, particularly when their lives involve just working. I would be very careful about coming down too strong on him, especially if he really is a hard working fella.
2006-10-25 15:35:26 · answer #7 · answered by KT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just sit him down at a time that is right, when there aren't very many distractions and tell him that you have noticed it lately. Ask him why he has been doing it more. Then tell him you would like him to be home more with the family. If he doesn't seem to want to be around, try to comprimise with him, he gets his time alone these nights and it's family and together time these nights. Maybe he just needs some time alone.
2006-10-25 15:34:43 · answer #8 · answered by jbvo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this way, you should talk to him. If you never do, your never going to fix anything and your just going to keep fighting. Tell him how you feel and how you would want a real family. Tell him to think about the relationship you have together and with your children. Tell him it's not right for him to keep going out, I mean he's your husband and your married. I don't know about everybody else, but I'm married and I wouldn't want my husband going out and he wouldn't want me going out not even one day out of the week. This is when problems start and you start thinking if he's with some one else. Talk to him straight out and expect everything because if he's going out a lot, he's going to defend he days of alone time. Good Luck and hope it goes great.!
2006-10-25 15:39:44 · answer #9 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask him, if he gets really defensive, he is probably cheating. Your married, you need to nag a little bit. Have you seen his pay stubs to see just how much overtime he is really working. Sometimes when you love someone you are blinded by the Truth. Look deeper into this he's your husband he shouldn't be hiding anything from you unless he really is hiding something. Not trying to bum you out just trying to give you a serious answer.
2006-10-25 15:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by tm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋