i've been married 5.5 yrs and pregnant with our 3 child due in may
My husband is self employed and works 2x aweek if im lucky. he also works on the weekends at a bar as a bouncer and makes nothing worth saying. what do i do with him i love him so much but i believe he should bring home a decent weeks worth salary and possibly get a real job that pays the bills. he tells me oh im trying to make my business work... well if he is he should be out there at least 4 or 5x's a week.. ladies anyone out there in my situation or similar and have any advise??
2006-10-25 15:28:47 · 19 answers · asked by flmom26 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wait until you have the baby. Be patient. Get a sitter and find work your self, you will feel much better, it will be hard at first.
I get the impression you love him that's why I'm giving you this advice.
2006-10-25 16:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...........Your married going on six years. You knew him befor you married him. So that probably makes it at least 7 years you have known him. Has he always been self employed? Has he always had the bouncer job? If the answers are Yes, Yes and Yes. It sounds to me he is not that motivated and only does what is nessary to keep ahead of the tax man and the bill collectors. And the Friday and Saturday bouncer job sounds like two consecutive boys nights out!!! If however this is not the case, perhaps you could drum up some business for him by helping develop contacts. creating simple flyers to drop off from door to door advertising his expertise. Field phone calls and do follow ups to the jobs that he has done to ensure customer satifaction ect. Treat it as a co-opertive business you know like your part of the deal is to help create new prospective clients based on work he has already done. If your thoughts are that it is better for him to work for someone else in a line of work that he knows well then perhaps you could help with a resume or scan newspapers to be on a constant lookout for jobs in his field. Hope this helps.
2006-10-25 16:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband went through a spell like that and what I did was help him with his business.
What I would do if I were you is give him 3 months. Tell him you'll help him market his business, call potential clients, mail and deliver flyers, and help him with any extra stuff. He has 3 months to either make a certain amount of money, or he has to get a job.
You have power here as you had the babies. He might actually make something of his business but will most likely work better and harder if he has a goal date.
Good luck. Probably a motivation issue and maybe he's not feeling up to par (like he's doing enough for his family).
2006-10-25 15:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mama R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a common problem that money is a big issue in a lot marriages. Can't get around the fact that it pays for what you eat and the roof over your head. Your husband has a family and a responsibility to support them and it sounds like he doesn't take that responsibility seriously. So here's the deal. Tell him that you've decided that after your third child that you've decided to be the man and go back to work and he can stay home with the kids, cook the meals, do the shopping, laundry, etc.Then after staying home with 3 kids on a daily basis for awhile he'll see what real work looks like and get off the pot and get a real job. What's more important,farting around with a business he obviously doesn't take seriosly or his family.
2006-10-25 16:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by hope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love him right? He's your husband, don't let money ruin your marriage like it has so many others. Maybe he truly believes that he can make the business work. I think that the more you push him to flush his dream, the more he'll fight you. Give him a little longer to live with his failure as a business owner and he'll decide for himself to get another job. I only sympathize with him because he is trying to supplement the income by working weekends.
2006-10-25 15:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but I had a gf that had a man like that. He always had a reason he couldn't work a steady job. Meanwhile, she was like a beast of burden. This went on for a long long time before she finally had had it and put her foot down: either get to work or go away. He got a job. I hope yours will too because this is no way to live.
2006-10-25 15:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The advise I present too you is compromise, Yes your husband needs to be the provider and maintainer of his family, but he needs to do it the best way he can honestly, because men are the maintainers of women. The beauty of a woman is her ability to inspire and comfort her man and present ideas that help to build his confidence and too know you trust his decisions even though you may have concerns. The Family needs an Agenda, you submit to him as his helpmeet and a true man will produce.
2006-10-25 15:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by Marvin J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how u feel. We have struggles for 4 years now. Seem to be behind all the time. I just want the bills paid and not to struggle all the time. My husband calls that materialistic. It is not! He won't try harder if he doesn't want to. Can u go to work??
2006-10-26 11:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So much for love is all you need...time to either tell him to get a real job or search for an upgrade. Clearly money has become more important than love. Women are so predictible.
2006-10-25 15:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by Trip S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried talking to him and letting him know exactly how you feel?
Hey, you never know, maybe once his business takes off, he'll end up making more money than you've ever dreamed of.
2006-10-25 15:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by Angela D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋