As we were arriving home, we heard that my daughter was screaming very LOUD at her babysitter, she even called the lady a *****, because she was told to turn the tv off and do hw.My bf reacted by giving her 2 HARD slap on her butt.Since i don't believe in spanking i was very upset about, but didn't say anything in public.He's mad because i'm to soft with her,i just believe in punishment no swats.He's not violent but i just don't like him spanking her. What do u think ? Who's right or wrong here ? I do admit, that my daughter can be a little fresh somtimes, but she's a nice kid.About her babysitter, we have a hidden camara and she's polite and sweet.HELP me, please ?
2006-10-25 14:53:58 · 26 answers · asked by dersexy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Interesting that you always refer to her as 'my daughter', never as 'our daughter' (let alone 'his daughter'). Could that say something about your mindset?
As for the girl being 'a nice kid' - an 8-year-old who screams loudly at her 'polite and sweet' babysitter and calls her a b*tch when asked to do her homework may be your definition of 'a nice kid', but it sure as hell isn't mine. Two smacks on the bottom sounds like the very least she deserved.
2006-10-29 01:14:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! Didn't any of you read that her boyfriend is also the daughters dad????
Shame on each one of you who advised her to make the rules because she is the mom!
He is her dad and has EQUAL right to discipline THEIR child.
Sorry Mom, but your method has failed you and your daughter. It's obvious that she is a problem child and is probably FAR worse than you think, when you are not around.
How did spanking become abuse? Kids need to learn that consiquences are a reality. Each family and each child is different. If a spanking is what it takes then that's what it takes. Your the parent and you know your child better than anyone.
My son is 5 and sometimes he acts up really bad when we are out. I warn him at least 3 times to stop his behavior or I will take him outside. If I have to take him outside, then I give him a hard smack on the butt. It's almost like hitting a reset button. I can see the look on his face that he realized he crossed a line. My son is smart and figures out ways to play my wife and I against eachother. Time outs don't work for him because he knows it's just a waiting game.
I'm sure some crybaby wimp is going to pass judgement on me, but really who cares what you think. I could judge you for being too soft.
All I've got to say is that you and your daughters DAD need to sit down and discuss the situation and be open to suggestions. Also, be honest and look into it from an outside perspective. Maybe what your doing hasn't worked and now you have raised her to call the babysitter a b*tch. I'm sure you didn't intend to, but that's what you did and you need to own up to it.
Maybe the two of you can come up with other methods to discipline her. The point is that neither one of you are better or have better methods. You both need to be a team and have the same rules and methods of discipline. You must be consistant or your daughter will find a way threw it.
I sincerely hope you two can throw out the emotions and hurt feelings, so you can calmly discuss the situation.
2006-10-25 15:29:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jerrid 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your both her parents. Some children don't benefit from spankings other children do. Your boyfriend is the father as well. If a corner works then use that tecnique. It's something you two need to discuss. I was one who never benefitted from the corner because I had a very good imagination. Spanks taught me what I was doing was wrong. Don't be upset at your bf because he wants he child to be disciplined a certain way. See if you guys can't come up to a compromise. And as for right and wrong, I don't believe either of you are wrong. You just have different way of punishing. If neither work good ole soap might do the trick. :) I still have the taste in my mouth after years of being married and grown.
2006-10-25 15:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
.How soon do you expect the cops to be knocking on your door, not for your boyfriend but for your daughter, Because if an 8 year old thinks that it's ok to act that why then obviously your way of disciplining her isn't working and if she is not made to understand there are consequences for her behavior it will only get worse with time. We're not talking about beating a child we're talking about a spanking. There's a difference. In most cases correcting a child and then a warning will work, after that call their bluff and go for the spanking.Then in cases like you had your boyfriend was right in stopping it immediately. Even loving parents can be neglectful if they don't set rules for their children and in force them, even on those occasions with a firm hand.
2006-10-25 15:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by hope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not hit her out of anger because he had a bad day. I think he was right it is his daughter as well. He has the right to discipline as he feel necessary just as long as it is not abuse. The daughter will soon learn to calm her attitude and behavior and will have more respect for people and her dad. I am afraid it is you who she will run over and you won't have much control. My child is 14 and have a lot of respect for me and others and I spanked as very last resort. My hubby kids 14 and 11 have no respect for him and others except me, because they know I won't accept that crap. He don't believe in spanking. You should have had children by someone who believes the same as you then you wouldn't have to walk around upset for no reason.
2006-10-25 15:21:51 · answer #5 · answered by barbie2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As parents its your resonsibility to be consistant and on the same page as her father regarding discipline. You guys have to work out a middle ground. She is acting like that because one parent is providing her with corporal punishment and the other is providing a less consistant form, ot no discipline at all. Spanking is not my option, however some parents, as long as both agree with it works for them. Sorry to say, but an 8 year old calling an adult a bi#^#$ is going to need some consistant discipilne IMMEDIATLY. You and your BF need to sit down right away and decide what methods you both agree on, and implement them. If you are against swatting you are going to have to get your BF to agree to whatever form you both belive. If your BF mad at your form of discip[line being soft, or the lack of it? If your daughter got "time out" every time she called someone a name or swore would he consider that soft? Probably not, as long as it was consistant. If you don't agree on something right away, it will result in your daughter growing angrier and misbehaving even more because of the obvious mixed signals she is being sent. Good Luck.
2006-10-25 15:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by Shazzam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I probably will not get chosen as your best answer for this one but I have to be honest and side with your boyfriend. First off I do not believe that you need to hit in order to punish, but I also do not disagree with those who do, its just my opinion. Heres my beef, if "your" 8 year old daughter is calling the babysitter a *****, then my guess is your boyfriend is probably right, your being too soft, and your daughter is taking advantage of that, a couple of swatts on the butt is probably what she needs, I think you should stand behind his decision, especially in front of your daughter to let her know that that behavior is unacceptable, a couple of swatts will not traumatize her life. I also think that after the spanking your daughter needs to be sat down and firmly told that you still love her and that is why you reacted in that way but she needs to learn now that is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, if at 8 years old she is disrespecting elders at that level "your" way is obviously not effective, think about it! Love her, but be firm, she needs it right now!!!! I'm sorry but I side with her father 100%. Good luck!
2006-10-25 15:12:56 · answer #7 · answered by dannydolphin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since the babysitter is "polite and sweet", she obviously did not earn the disrespect of your daughter. In that direction an apology, by your daughter is needed. If your boyfriend is living with you, then perhaps, he felt that getting to the seat of the problem was called for. He is the male figure in the house. If you are living as a single parent, and he just visits, than its your house, your rules.
2006-10-25 15:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by Beau R 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I also do not believe in spanking, but you should rethink how you handle your child. I may have been alot of things to my mother but in public and to babysitters and adults, etc I was polite. Let your boyfriend know how you feel, and that hitting your daughter is not an option. Sit down together and discuss punishments that you both can live with an adhere to.
Good Luck!
2006-10-25 15:01:00 · answer #9 · answered by Alyss K 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If that child don't learn how to respect her elders, she is going to end up getting hurt bad in the long run.... your boyfriend was right. If you dont do nothing so that she could stop acting like that. She gon run over you and call you a *****. Punishing is not working if she ack like that ...."spare the rod spoil the child" (the bible). I am glad that I had spankings...thats what made me good today!
2006-10-25 14:59:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋