divorce your spouse and you are willing to work on overcoming the spouses affair. After months of seperation and many sleepless nights I don't want a divorce and want to reconcile. He is the one that filed for divorce 3 months ago. What can I do to show him he is still important to me and family and we miss and love him?
2006-10-25 14:45:17 · 14 answers · asked by Octavia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Did he file because you caught him or because he decided to stay with his mistress? If he is feeling guilty then you have a good chance but the longer you wait to talk to him the closer the court date and the harder it will be to come back. Also let me say your fantastic! You have taken an appropriate amount of time to decide if you can trust again and made a decision to repair instead of recycle. Not too many women out there of your caliber. And if you are not successful getting him back you will find someone. You have gained insight that women all over the world haven't. You should have your pick! Now if he is filing to be with his mistress you can still talk him into coming back but it will not be a lesson he will learn and you could be hurt again. And probably will.
2006-10-25 14:58:44 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one special saying that I have given to many woman and this is it:
DIVORCES ARE NO MORE FINAL THAN MARRIAGES ARE.
Okay, so I take it that hubby had an affair...okay....you obviously threw a major hissy fit over it and he felt guilty and so he filed for divorce. Okay, well, you have two choices at this point....
1. If you live in a state where Irreconcilable Differences is not grounds for Divorce, then you can protest the divorce proceedings and request marriage counseling. Sometimes the judge will order it and sometimes not.
2. If he does go ahead and get the divorce, you can keep in touch with him (with a child in common, that shouldn't be a problem), and try and maintain a good relationship with him and hope that somewhere down the road, he realizes that you have forgiven him and that your family is important to him and you can possibly get married again. (thus my original quote).
There also goes along with that another saying, "If you Love something...let it go...if it come back to you..then it is yours....If it doesn't...then it was never meant to be."
Hang in there! I think things will work out for you!!
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-26 01:28:46 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He filed for divorce 3 months ago and obviously doesn't feel he made a mistake since he's made no attempt to reconcile with you. You are holding onto a man who doesn't want back into the relationship. And the others are right. He undoubtedly has someone else. You could write him a letter. Maybe then the two of you can talk and end any doubt you, or he, has, if any. Hope it works out for you.
2006-10-25 22:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Infidelity is very hard to work through and to get over. He may promise never to do it again (if he even wants to come back) but it will happen again - he knows he can and will get away with it. My husband did this early on in our marriage (our son was 2). He left for 2 mos. - didn't want anything to do with our son or me. I begged him to come back and work through it. After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage, several emotional affairs and at least two physical affairs - surprise! He left for good. He did have the decency to wait until after my cancer treatments were done and I had a few months to recover a bit before he gave me the news. He had someone on the side (again, surprise!). After he left, I worked on me for quite awhile (in between crying bouts and throwing up). When I finally realized I didn't need or want him back (about 7 mos. after he left) he decided he wanted to try to work things out. After 7 mos. of him not looking me in the eye, not offering a bit of help (I learned to take care of almost everything around the house and land myself), or even the slightest emotional support he decided the grass wasn't as green as he had always thought it was. He's still going from woman to woman, living the bachelors life. And regretting the life he gave up. I've never forgiven him - some women probably could - but I don't think about him nearly as much anymore.
As many sleepless nights as you have now - you will have more if you let him return. You will always doubt, always wonder. Perhaps with intense counseling this could be overcome. If you do take him back I would see a lawyer and have a nuptual agreement drawn up outlining exactly how things will play out should he do it again and it leads to divorce. It might make him think twice before doing the horizontal tango with someone else.
Take some time for yourself and throw yourself into something you've always wanted to do. Join a group, take up a new hobby, start getting out and spending time with girlfriends or making new friends. Don't be in a hurry to find someone to keep the other side of the bed warm. Rediscover you. If you do decide to work things through you will have more self respect because of this. Let him be the one to ask to come back - otherwise if and when it fails again he will throw the fact that you begged him to come back in your face. You will need your dignity to get through the next couple of years as you heal inside.
Best of luck.
2006-10-25 22:14:26 · answer #4 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him this is your marriage you did no wrong he is the one who made the decision to have affairs. So all you can do is talk to him and help him understand that you love and you will both work through this together and you dont want a divorce but let him know that his playing around is over and you want to regain his trust.Hopefully he will listen to you and you reconsile.
2006-10-25 21:56:31 · answer #5 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to make him come back to you , as hard as it is to hear it is even harder to let go but that is something you have to do.You need to leave him alone if he loves you he will come back to you.I know your heart is broken and you feel you'll never get through this without him but you will.I did, got through it that is My husband left me for two and a half years before he realized I was the one he loved and wanted.As hard as it was I knew I had to leave him alone to find out just what he wanted.It was very very hard but I did it and so can you.Be strong!
2006-10-25 22:41:01 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to him, see where his head is at. He is your husband so you know you love him. Just really dislike his ways. Pray about and ask God to give you the right questions and the strength to stand the answers you really don't want to hear. It's never over til it's over. All you can do at this point is follow your heart. Good luck
2006-10-25 21:55:12 · answer #7 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated on you? then filed and left? Is he involved with the other person? did you both try and work this out before he left?
please repost your question with more background info.
Too vague to really lend insite
2006-10-25 21:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by Duane Allman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt that there is anything you can do, it sounds like he has moved on and you haven't. If you feel that you have to do something put in in writing to him in a letter.
Honestly, I would be willing to bet he has someone new.
2006-10-25 21:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes if he wanted to reconcile he would have not filed or tried to contact you
2006-10-25 22:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋