can a husband control all finances in marriage?

Question

I need money for personal woman items gas in my car to take children to school groceries ,clothes ect. he says he is not a bank
I work in our family buisness and do not recieve payment.
I know nothing about our income he says its better that way.
if he left it up to me we would have no money
I am tired of not being able to go anywhere but work and my kids schools because of no money
the older kids have to buy shoes clothes and mostly anything else they need from money they get helping out in the family buisness
the kids are mad at me for never having money and tell me im not a real mom because i dont have any responsabilaties like there friends moms.
There dad says i am not smart enough to handle money

Answer 1

A good marriage is a partnership. By not giving you any money he is controlling your life. By telling you you are not smart enough to handle money, he is abusing you. Your kids see something is NOT right, and are trying to tell you, but don't know how. Get out, get out from this idiot's control, get your children away from this jerk, (is he really the Dad model you want your kids to be like?). Your life was meant to be lived by you, so be strong and do it!

Answer 2

This is psychological and financial abuse by your husband. He's attacking your self esteem, your intellectual abilities, your credibility, he's using you as free labor, he's withholding money and basic needs to both you and your children, not paying you for work you do, and is undermining you as an equal partner in your marriage, financial matters, and as a mother. Your children should not have to work for their clothes, and you shouldn't have to beg him for a single cent.

If its a "family" business.... is your name on the paperwork? If not, why not? And if not... then refuse to work without getting paid, I'm sure the other employees receive a regular wage. This guys too much.... I'd show him just how stupid I was.... and would be gone so fast, get a nasty lawyer, have all accounts and marital property frozen until it was divided properly and fairly... taking into account past due wages, and would screw him to the wall. How can you possibly love a guy thats like this with you? You're only stupidity is putting up with a guy that makes you think you don't deserve better.

Answer 3

First of all (depending on your state) half the money that is made in your marriage is yours regardless of how he feels (check your laws in your state if you are unsure). If you work for the family business, take care of the kids, and are his wife - you deserve some money. Don't let him beat you down with his demeaning words and tell you or your kids crap like you aren't "smart enough" to handle money. That is just plain abusive and is setting a bad example for your children. If he won't change and thinks he is so right in his ways, go get another job somewhere else - not in the family business. Start your own checking account with only YOUR name on it and go from there. You should NOT have to put up with that kind of treatment - you are a grown woman and you have a brain. Everyone, regardless of their situation, needs money. He should be buying shoes and clothes for your children unless they want something expensive THEN they can work for. Don't take abuse from your kids either - sounds you are getting it all around and you need to stand up for yourself. If things don't change, consider some counseling so you can get some self-esteem or even consider leaving the marriage. It isn't a pretty thought, but your situation isn't pretty either. Good luck and PLEASE stand up for yourself!!!!

Answer 4

You have to know what is made yearly. You should have tax returns. Do you feel he's doing something wrong with the money? If he gave you a salary I think that helps the family business tax wise. He could call you the "secretary" and that way Uncle Sam does not get a bigger chunk of your earnings at the end of the year. Also your kids only being able to spend the money they earn is not a bad thing. It does teach responsibility and that way there is no excess in their lives. Does one person really need 15 pairs of jeans?

Answer 5

It is important for both of you to handle the finances. If he got sick, or hurt, you both would be in trouble. I have seen it too many times when a person (man or woman) lets the other person handle everything then does't know what is going on when something happends.
As for not having any reponsiblities, a stay at home mom is worth at least $131,000 per year since they do all the cooking, cleaning, chauffuring, running errands, babysitting, etc. Let him and/or your kids try to do everything you do. If he is not giving you $, maybe you need to go on strike.
If your not smart enough to handle the money or earn $, then you aren't smart enough to work in the family business. He can't have it both ways.

Answer 6

And if he ever decide to walk out on you you will be left helpless
well it is up to you to change your situation
get a job outside your family business
your husband sound like a bully
he is mentally abusing you & now your kids are doing the same thing time for you to do something about it stop been their door mat
and take control of your life

Answer 7

HELL NO...As a matter of fact I'm gonna let my husband answer this.

Libra: Well to be honest...I think no...it's not a bad thing for a lady to pay some finances...that the wonder of a marriage...Me and my Bebe Violette always discuss what finances were gonna take..Don't have him do it all...Now if he doesn't want to you pay...then your good..I wish my girl can allow me to pay for something..lol...she buys everything...Not to say I don't give her any<-----however way you think of this------> But i do give in and out and do things that make her feel different...so if anything like I said...She even buys me things and I have to tell her to stop and think about what she needs.

Violette: Take it from and old fart...lol..he has more experience with budgets than me..I'm learning...It's true I spoil him rotten

Answer 8

Well, this should have been sorted out before the wedding. But since we are stuck with him now (For better or worse, Rich or poor), you should ask him for an allowance. You should keep receipts for everything and turn it in to him daily/weekly/monthly so he can keep track of your spending. You both could try it for a week, and if you are responsible enough, he may ease up a little.

Answer 9

Do you know if you leave the jerk you call a husband you can have half the business, and half of everything yall own, child support, alimony, half his retirement, ect... Kick him to the curb and dont be with someone who thinks you are stupid, you're smart enough to know what he's doing is bullsh*t

Answer 10

You let him say this about you and to your kids?! Get your own money. Because if he disrespects you like this, Gosh knows what else he's doing.

I let my husband control the finances and he spent thousands on porn - til I found out. Now we're separated.