I'm a married male to female transsexual. Should I surpress who I am so the kids have a normal upbringing?

Question

The kids are both under 5 years old. Wife is not supportive in this matter and who can blame her.

Ugh, what an awful misspelling. Suppress, no surpress.

Additional details: I've seen a therapist and been perscribed estrogen in low doses.

Answer 1

... it is very sad, when society projects onto others the fault and consequences of their hateful responses... It is no one's fault but the harrasser's fault that the harassment is happening. keep that in mind.. there are some sick people out there who think it is okay to hate people and harass them. The good news is that I have several friends who are pre, non, and post op trans who have healthy children. The world is changing, I think our kids are helping to change it. I have seen so many courageous youngsters who stop and give people a look like, "what planet did you come from? you're ideas are so archaic and selfish!" lol! and this is when someone makes a remark against a gay, lesbian, trans, bi, intersex, etc!

I can't answer you question for you. I can only offer you information, and maybe offer your family information. I am the director of an online gender education community. Our community is based on Sociology, the study of human social patterns. My specialty is gender, as well as human identity in general. Our community focuses on deconstructing human social categories, including sex and gender, and looks at systems of inequality and not just for men and women, other genders, non genders, males, females, intersexes, sex neutral, etc. You are more than welcome to stop in for a visit or a stay ^_^

-Gabriel

PS i personally thought trans america was pretty awful.. as far as information accuracy goes. And, it is certainly not a depiction of all trans people, only a very small portion of them ^_~

Answer 2

I think at this point, "normal" upbringing is a relative term for everyone, most especially your children.

Perhaps it would be best at this time to try and work out some understanding about the situation with your wife.

Certainly, the kids will find this out somehow some day, and while telling them at the age of five sounds like a pretty heavy effort, it will be harder and harder to suppress who you are as they get older and smarter.

Most families keep pictures of themselves when they were younger, when you were still a man, and it will be strange if there are none of you as a young couple.

Most families have a mother and a father, but since you are a male to female transexual, and you have a wife, you will at some point need to explain why this family has two "mommies."

Children are curious about where they came from, and some honest answer, or at least a coherent, and reasonably logical story purporting to explain this will be needed.

But most importantly, children need parents that are loving, understanding, and supportive of each other, and their children. If your wife disagrees with this, there are bigger problems than your operation t work.

Lovingly talk to your wife, explain that some things will require mutual support. Decide what to tell the children, and approximately when, or how to tell it to them. This should be something both of you can agree on. It should be a mutually acceptable answer that does not leave the children in the lurch between two parents telling two different stories, and it should take into account how best to deal with any jokes or teasing that your children might suffer from because of it.

Should you suppres who you are? NO! you cannot be anyone but yourself. Should you surpress who you were, or how you became who you are? Maybe for a little while until they are ready, but the truth will come out some day, and until then, there shouldn't be any lies filling in for it.

Answer 3

You should not suppress who you are because if you do the kids will lose some trust in you because they will eventually find out and may feel that you were not 100% honest with them. A kid not having complete trust in a parent would not be a 'normal' upbringing, and what constitutes what many perceive to be a 'normal' upbringing was "Father Knows Best" and "Leave It To Beaver", and even those shows weren't very factual for the time.
That being said, is there a need to tell them right now?... are they asking questions?... Kids are always curious, and if they are asking questions, explain it in terms they would understand. Maybe just say that you have always been a girl, but used to look like a boy and had a doctor fix it. If they aren't asking questions, maybe wait until they start to.

Answer 4

i am not married and and i am 26
i wish to start RLT very soon, as in now
i have a sister nine and a brother six
and my mum and i are worried about telling them
i will tell them when the time is right
but as yet we are not sure in the way in which we will do so
children are smarter then they seem
my brother and sister pull me up all of the time as they seem to notice little changes
i do to my self as much as i try to hide it they still see it
things like ears being pieced my hair being long and tied up with a colored hair tie my underwear that some times can be seen
things like this are hard to hide as i am only trying to be my true self
i have waited for the children to grow a little before
i told then and now it seems a lot harder
because they sort of know it is not normal

if i where you i would try to change as much as i could in the smallest amount of time
introducing your self as say an aunt of another name for mother eg the kids might call there real mother mom/mum where they may call you ma
this way you children don't confuse you as ma/ aunt or as dad
the other way would be telling your kids you are changing as you need to for some reason
this way you can go at a better pace and still have your children
either way i would leave a lot of detail out of there heads until they get to an age where the have the full under standing of what is happening to you



here is a site that may help with talks lie this it has many other transgender people and forums chat and blogs

http://www.trannyweb.com/

what ever you do good luck

Answer 5

What is normal, is what you should ask yourself. There is this dreamy, farietale idea of what someones childhood and upbringing should be like. Yet, proably less that 10% of children have that upbringing. So what is normal. You should protect your children from a hateful nonunderstanding socity. But at the same time not being honest with your children will cause more harm in the longrun. And as time goes on it will get easier to lie more and more. By, the time your children are adults and findout the truth. IT may be too late to apoligise and it could Totaly distroy your family..

Answer 6

As open minded and accepting as I am, I think, feel, want my man to have been born a male. There is a guy at the YMCA I used to go to. I met him in the sauna of all places. Just super small talk. He is gay and sort of cute, in an off beat way. Well, I figured out he is FtM. (He was wearing boxers and reading a novel in the sauna, which no other guys there do. He had mastectomy scares. And he was showering in a jock, with a poorly & oddly shaped something in it). If they reach the stage where they can give a FtM a set of fully function male junk, that may be different. But until that time, I need him to have what God gave him. I just am not attracted to anything female. I feel bad that I feel this way. But I can not lie about what or who I am attracted to.

Answer 7

Honestly, the issues with your wife are probably a bigger potential "threat" to the well-being of your children than transitioning. You've said you're seeing a therapist: you might ask what the numbers are from the studies, but I'm pretty sure your kids will be just fine with YOU. Even more so if that issue existed in a vacuum; it's really the indirect effects that might become more problematic (many of which depend on your wife).

Answer 8

You probably know perfectly well you should suppress this until your kids are grown. Even if your wife was supportive you would bring great confusion into your children's world. You made a commitment as a husband and a father. That choice was yours and I'm sure you made it freely. You would compromise the well being of 3 people for your own personal indulgence. Let your kids grow up normally.

Answer 9

Are you in the process of gender reassignment? If so, exactly how do you expect to hide that from your kids.

You're kids will have a normal upbringing if you and your wife are loving supportive parents. You need to get a handle on your feelings of worthlessness before they overwhelm you.

Your wife has a choice, and I would suggest that if she cannot live with your reality, then she needs to move on, and you need to let her.

However that has nothing to do with your children. It will not be an easy road for you, and you need to get a positive support group around you, as well as a good lawyer.

Answer 10

That's an awful long time to try to suppress this. It's a fact that purging never works especially for those that know they're TS.
The earlier the kids know the easier for them to accept.