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honestly my husband is mean when he doesn't drink like it's my fault his life is what it is.....(no good).......but when drunk he convinces himself his life is what it is because of me.....(good).........should his moods change like this so much........it's day to day mood swings ......i don't know what to do....how do i help him find his medium........

2006-10-25 13:44:41 · 14 answers · asked by non-curious 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

14 answers

Definitely! It's called the "Dry Drunk" syndrome. It describes people who have quit drinking but have not had therapy or been involved with a 12 step program to understand the emotional reasons why they drink. Consequently, they look at thing like a drunk would: black vs. white thinking, manipulation and bullying of others. If you google "dry drunk" you'll get even more information.

2006-10-25 13:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 2 0

Yes there is such thing as a mean person sober or not sober.
I consider myself differently. I enjoy having fun whether I am drunk or sober. That is when I used to go out drinking.
I have been cut off from bars being sober.
I went to anger management due to the fact that I used to blow up all at once, and I did not have to have alcohol to do it with.
I have been on medication over a year now, and it has made a difference to the better according to my wife and daughter.
Everyone has different ways to control their problems, but sometimes it hurts the others as well.
I recommend that he goes to the doctor and get professional counseling before it is too late.
I am 58 and I wish that I would have done it 30 years ago.
Good Luck to both of you.

2006-10-25 21:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Your husband sounds just like me three years ago, an alcoholic. When I was in the throws of back and forth from sober to drunk I was nuts. One doctor labeled me as bi-polar, "What a relief! I have a valid medical reason for my behavior, and drinking helps with the anxiety". I told my self that for a year or so before I hit the point I just couldn't drink any more. I got sober at treatment facility for a month and continued with AA. I have stayed sober and the best part is my "bi-polar" has gone away. I went to another psychiatrist and he laughed at the simple mindedness of my other doctor. He explained that when one is an alcoholic, the brains chemistry gets thrown so out of whack that any number of mental illnesses can manifest. Bi-polar being the most common, the good news is that it goes away with abstinence from booze. Trying to convince a drunk he/she needs help is like telling someone that you are actually an alien scouting locations for the next big invasion, they will look at you as if you had the mental problem. The only way your husband will start the road to recovery is for him to admit to himself he has a problem and needs help fixing it. For that to happen he unfortunately has to hit rock bottom, loss of a job, DUI, loss of friends and family, even the possibility of losing his own family. Alcohol is an incredibly powerful central nervous system depressant, and chronic use can seriously screw him up both physically and mentally. Call the local chapter of AA or a treatment facility for more (and I'm sure better) advice. Good luck!

2006-10-25 21:18:28 · answer #3 · answered by topher 3 · 1 0

Yes, Yes and YES!

Many alcoholics and drug addicts are mean sober. My ex- husband was. You can't help him, you can only help yourself and him, himself. The best you can do for him is get out of his way and let his higher power do the rest and your higher power do what can be done for you.

I know how helpless you must feel, because, there is not anything you can do. Once you realize that you will stop blaming yourself.

If you go to an Al-anon meeting or two I think you will begin to realize the cycles Alcoholics go through on a continual basis. Once you understand the disease, you can start living your life, with or without him.

bless you and the best to you, and your husband.

2006-10-25 20:51:13 · answer #4 · answered by Animaholic 4 · 2 0

i dont think there is such a thing. but, there is such a thing as just a really mean, depressed person vs a really happy, content person. sounds like your husband has some issues that he is not surfacing and if he doesnt talk to you about it...it will become more serious. i suggest you sit down and open up...after all, he is your husband. if you find that the converstion is too intense or too emotional...perhaps therapy...nobody should be treated that way. good luck.

2006-10-25 20:49:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

yes. your husband flat out doesn't like himself. when you don't like yourself, you alter reality w/chemicals. Then Life is good until you wake up sober. It IS NOT your fault, even the cause and effect of what you 2 have been through together. He still makes his own choices and that is what it boils down to. Councelling could help both of you, but you should make the choice for your self so you don't loose more self esteem w/the roller coaster of trying to hang on to your marriage.

2006-10-25 20:50:18 · answer #6 · answered by camideville 1 · 1 1

Yes, and it is called alcoholism. If he is miserable when he isn't drinking, then he needs help. He needs to learn to live life on life's terms. And to stop blaming you and everyone else...that just gives him an excuse to drink. For you, there is Al-Anon...for those who live with a person like your husband...for him there is AA...to learn to live life comfortably without the booze...

2006-10-25 20:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 1 0

Sounds like he has a need for alcohol, and that makes him an alcoholic. If he could admit that his life is bad when he is sober he is making the first steps to recovery. He has to admit that it is a problem and that drinking is NOT a cure.
Best of luck

2006-10-25 21:00:06 · answer #8 · answered by ferretcoach 4 · 0 2

There is no medium for people like that. My father was a mean SOAB all the time and he never changed. They are little people who have to make themselves bigger by dragging everyone down around them. Get out while you can...he wont ever change.

2006-10-25 20:48:59 · answer #9 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 0 2

that would be difficult to live with a mean sober. sounds like he has issues that he forgets when he is drinking. counseling to see what is buried inside of him.

2006-10-25 20:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0 1

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