signs of cheating?

Question

My husband and I have been married 5 yrs. We have no children. Lately, I feel like something isn't right. We haven't been arguing or anything but for the past few months my husband just isn't acting the same. For instance, it started out coming up with new "moves". Fine at first but I began to wonder where they were all coming from since there were more than just a few. Also, he seems more distant. He's not as affectionate and although he still says "i love you" it's not as intense and usually only when we are on the phone. He also has been less interested in sex lately. I pretty much begged him to cuddle with me today and he just sat on the computer and then went to work without saying bye. Also, he's become obsessed with oral sex on him. He said "What do you want me to do? Get a hooker?!" when I refused to do it all the time. He'd rather get a b.j than have sex. He's been looking at porn recently. I don't know what to do. I love him but I feel like something is wrong.
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I looked at his cell phone records and home phone records and found no unusual #'s so I have no concrete evidence that I can call him on. Does this sound like something is going on? Is he just going through a rough patch? Have any of you had these signs before?

Answer 1

I wouldn't just jump to conclusions, not just yet. Without knowing the facts. You say he's been watching more porn and probably just want to enjoy it with his wife. Perhaps the moves could have come from watching the porn.
Is he more concerned about his appearance, staying later at work, or when you call him at work, he's no where to be found? You said there's no unusual phone numbers on his cell.

However, he did make the comment do he need to pay for a hooker? Probably nothing just a guy talking...

I really don't know what to tell you. BUT you never know, he could...

Answer 2

Not saying you should compromise the way you feel but remember he is your spouse and eventually if he doesn't get what he is wanting from you i.e. oral sex he will find someone who will. My husband had an obsession with porn so that may be where he's getting the ideas from. Keep it lively and new don't fall into a rut. When you do it's very hard to get out. He doesn't sound like he's cheating but ask him about the changes and let him know how you feel. Be sure when you ask you don't become confrontational. Just say something like "You've been frisky this week not that I'm complaining but I just was curious where all this came from?" Remember to smile and maybe even like touch his arm or thigh or something to let him know there's nothing to be on the defense about. Being honest about your feelings is a very important part of the marriage.

Answer 3

My boyfriend and I discussed this question. He gave me his theory from a guy's perspective, and it does make sense.

My boyfriend believes that it's perfectly normal for your husband to go through what he is. After 5 years of marriage, his libido is low. Perhaps he's bored of sex, so he's been watching porn, which can teach you new moves, thus, the changes. Plus, with a ********, it's less work for him with all the pleasure. Unfair? Absolutely. But it can happen.

I think that this is logical, but at the same time wonder at all the coincidences. I'm not sure how many moves you can learn from porn, but, I would think the numbers would be low. I think, even if there are no obvious signs, you can feel when something is wrong. Call in intuition.

I'm not sure how willing your hubby is to having a sit down chat, but you might want to bring up how you feel. Not necessarily the cheating part, but that you feel some distances and it is making your worried.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope it works!

Answer 4

Could be nothing could be something. Unaccounatbale time is usually the biggest tip off. You went through cell records, I assume bills and not the phone itself, becuase you can delet your call history on the phone itself. The other thing to watch out for is text messenging, that you need to look at the phone for, also can be deleted. See if text usage has gone up on the bill.

You say he sat at the computer rather than cuddling with you. Does he spend noticably more tome online? Does he close or minimioze windows when you come by?

No matter what is going on try to keep yourself sane. Keep going on with life.

Answer 5

It could be a lot of things. He may be cheating. He may be having a midlife crisis. He might sense your suspicion and resent it. Without knowing more and hearing his side of the story, who knows?

To give you a WAG - wild *** guess - it sounds like he may be sexually bored. New moves, wanting BJs, watching porn. He sounds frustrated. Maybe he doesn't feel his requests are that outrageous. Have you asked him to recipocate? I.E. "I'll give you oral but you have to give me what I want." Then say for every bj you need 20 minutes of cuddling or something.

Or maybe you are just getting on his nerves. After all, you say he is "obsessed" with oral and wants it "all the time". Well duh, most guys do. Those are pretty harsh words, can you back them up? We also don't like having to say I love you 10 million times a week. We said it once, we meant it. If we stop loving you, we will let you know. Until then, I shouldn't have to keep reminding you. Did you forget since the last time? And then even when I say it, it isn't "intense" enough for you. What does satisfy you? And you know what else? 5 years of waking up next to the same woman is a long time. Maybe he just wants some peace and quiet.

Now, it may sound like I'm taking his side, I'm not. He may really want too much oral, and watching too much porn. He may be too distant, he may be cheating. But until you have proof, you need to look at other factors. Besides, if you are too paranoid and accuse him of cheating, he might say to hell with it, she thinks I am i might as well do it.

Just talk to him, but don't accuse him of anything. Suggest counseling. But if you still suspect something, get a private detective.

Answer 6

yep and guess what he was cheating. and now he has a 10wk baby girl NOT MINE.

Be up front with him. Tell him what you are thinking and let that be that. If that is not good enough get a PD. Find out for sure.

If he is then you need to do the right thing and leave.
He doesnt just get a bj Hell no it is for both of you to be pleasured. Not just him. Dang how rude.
Also tell him if he does go get a hooker that is grounds for the big divorce. Dang the jerk.
I really think some men are asses. It is always about them. We are people too. Why do they feel they can treat us like that. WHY?

Answer 7

You are going to have to ask him. Pick a time when he is not stressed or in a tense mood, sit him down and tell him how you have been feeling. Make sure you do not do this in a confrontational way, or you will not get a straight answer from him. Use a lot of I feel statements, not You do this or that statements. Ask him what he thinks might be the issue. Mention that you feel that he might be thinking about being unfaithful. Notice I did not say that he was being unfaithful, but only thinking about it.

If he gets defensive right away, or begins to accuse you of possibly being the one who is unfaithful, then watch out. It is a sure sign that he is the guilty one.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

The one time I was in a relationship, I didn't but that's because I ended the relationship quickly, I just didn't feel right being tied down. However, I have flirted with many people simultaneously, which I guess is down to luck. I'd probably still flirt around in a relationship, but hey, I'm not ready for anything serious just yet, so I won't get into one.

Answer 9

hold back on sex and see if he cares. If not hes gotta be getting it from somewhere. Also he may have already told you...hes probably getting a hooker. Check his bank statement for abnormal ATM transactions in the same areas (bad areas). Also a dead give-away check his underware for "stains" . Does his hands or underware smell like a condom, the smell is hard to get rid of. Basicly trust your instincts, if something feels a certain way it probably is. What do your 5 senses tell you. When my ex cheated on me I could smell the guys cigarettes, taste his sweat on her, see odd bruises and stains, and she showered a lot...usually as soon as she got home. Lot of that going around lately. good luck..hope your wrong.

Answer 10

Type in your search bar: signs of a cheater and a wealth of information will appear before you and most sites say exactly what you describe. Especially the new moves part and the sudden lack of sex with you and the whole being distant thing. I really hope hes just stressed or something.