How do I get my husband to work on his stomach with out hurting his feelings?

Question

It looks like he's six months pregnant. It's a real turn-off for me and real hard to get in the mood to have sex when I see it or feel it. Help!

To all those who suggested changing his diet, my husband is a chef. He loves to cook and loves eating even more. There is no way he'd give up eating the large amounts of food he eats. I've tried working out with him but he always gave up about a week into our program. He says his belly is just him and I have to deal with it or leave. I love him and I don't want to leave but I can't help what my body is attracted to and what it isn't attracted to. When I married him he was very young and his metabolism was higher so all the food didn't affect him the way it started to about 3 years down the line. I've now been married 13 years.

Answer 1

Bet him you can do more sit-ups than he can. Then beat him.

Answer 2

No one likes to be told that I am too fat and flabby. Watch the food in the house; change to a healthier way of eating; find a way to walk together etc. Find a way to get in exercise together. Sex burns calories - if you start slow, and he sees progress and praise, he may just pick up the pace by himself. Good luck!

P.S. Do you love him? A chef, you are lucky to have someone to cook for you. What if he becomes bald, what then, what if he gets wrinkles, what then? Sometimes if you just make the person feel better about themselves by promoting the positive, the other things will follow. Love is patient. You can get a hunk that doesn't have a brain, doesn't know how to cook, has no personality etc - even that would get old - if you love him, work with him.

Answer 3

You know..You sound like a man who has a wife that had his kids, and gain weight after the pregnancy. I don't know what to tell you but to only be loving and patient with him. How would you feel or react if the shoes were on the other foot?

I'm thankful after having 3 kids I'm a size 6 and don't have to deal with crap like this from my spouse. Be considerate and understanding.
I'm sure it's difficult at times but you married him for better or worst. Perhaps the way you are approaching this issue about his weight is causing him not to respond.
Do know that diet and weight plays a major factor in health issues. Do you prepare dinner, if so, change your menu? Begin to work out together again, even if he only works out for a week. Try a supportive loving role to keep him working out. Maybe hit it up from that angle or schedule both Dr appointment for you and your husband together and have complete physical work up. Be creative, loving, and supportive.

Answer 4

I understand your disgust. I hate the fat belly too. My poor husband had to ask why I didn't want to make love to him. And I had to tell him. It took almost 7 years to lose that fat. he still has some , but its not as bad anymore. But really I feel your pain . it is not attractive at all.
I once told him I was going to gain a hundred pounds and quit doing my hair and make up and see if he liked what he saw. In the end I couldn't do it. Not even for a day.Too vain I guess.Just have him join a health club and go everyday. swimming really helped my husband and weights, and cardio.Treadmills are good for cardio. maybe he could start running after he thin downs. that should maintain his weight for life.

Answer 5

Let him know how much you love him. Then tell him that, because you love him, you worry about his health and the effect his weight/physique will have on it. Ask him to start walking with you - for physical and mental health. You will both feel better!
Also, start incorporating healthier eating habits. If you do the cooking, this is easy to do. Start substituting lower fat choices, less breads, more fruits, veggies, and natural fiber-containing foods. Stop buying as much junk food (if you do that now). Start studying nutrition and the positive aspects of eating healthy.
If it is put to him gently, lovingly, he may be embarrassed (he may even lash out at your faults in response) but stay calm and continue to reassure him.

Answer 6

Aside from the obvious health benefits, I'm sure you don't look the same as you did the day you got married either. Does he asks you to get a boob lift or a tummy tuck, or does he love you for who you are. Sounds like a little Shallow Hal going on here. Be grateful that your still married to someone who loves you for who you are after 13 years. And get over the fact that we all can't look like we're 20 years old all our lives.

Answer 7

Try suggesting that you and him go for a walk in the evenings, or early in the mornings. Try preparing foods that is not fattening.
Mention to him that it is not healthy being over weight.
I know every person does not get the hints, and some people just have to be told flat out lose weight my friend.
Join health clubs.
I wish you and him the best of luck all around.

Answer 8

Did you marry him because of who he is? Or did you marry him for just his body. Try fixing some lower fat food that still tastes good and ask him to go out on walks with you. Wear it off of him without him knowing what your doing. When you get married that seems to happen to alot of them. God forbid you ever get pregnant(and have a hard time losing the weight) or get older(when you tend to gain weight). You might be a turn off for him too. Then what will you do.

Answer 9

First, make no comment!! Second, look in the mirror for any flaw (real or imagined) that you might have that could be resolved with some type of exercise. Third, tell him "Honey, I feel like my.........is getting a little soft, etc and would you go to the gym, for a walk, etc with me? That not only gives him the easy out of doing it but not because you said he needed to and also gives you more time together.

Answer 10

Start working out together. If it's no more than walking after dinner each night then so be it. It's a good time together and you each get something out of it. He is aware of his stomach so there's no need to draw attention to it and hurt feelings but you surely can find ways to do things together and change eating and possibly drinking habits. If you want him to eat and act healthy do it with him. It's always easier when someone makes changes with you.

Answer 11

This is difficult situation. Best way is to ask him to join gym with you and tell him you both need to be in better shape. This shift attention from his big belly and make it something you do together. Here is something true- for every 20 pounds man lose off belly, penis sticks out another inch when excited. This may help him be motivated.