My Husband and I Argue about Point of Views:?

Question

We are newlyweds and live together. I love my husband to death but we just can't seem to not argue at least one day. For instance, I get upset because we get home and all I want to do is relax after work. He is worried about the house being a mess so he starts cleaning so and doing stuff around the house. I have helped before but all I want to do is relax and not deal with anything. I rather pay a house cleaner to come and clean the house then to worry about that. He says he does not mean to distract me but he does. He does not say anything to me he just start cleaning. - It ticks me off. I don't know why I get like this. I also don't want to do anything around the house or pay the bills. I don't know why I am like that. I really want to be a good wife but somehow I think I am failing. I don't want to drive my husband away, I just somehow want to be a true housewife. i don't have in me and I don't know why.. help!

FYI - I do have a full time job I just don't worry about paying things on time. I want to change, but I don't know how. My husband is always on time on his bills and is always doing something.

Answer 1

First of all, if you really want to relax, and he doesn't, big deal!

Relax! All of us need some down time. But don't get mad at him because he can't relax until the house is clean, that's just not fair.

Second, grow up! Adults pay their bills and clean their houses. It may not happen every day, but it has to happen.

Your husband isn't your housekeeper, so you shouldn't let him do all of the chores. You need to be doing your part, without getting mad about it.

If you're too tired, then say something like, "Honey, I'll make a deal with you...Sit and relax with me now, and I'll do the dishes after work tomorrow."

Marriage is all about compromise...You're going to have to do some things that you don't want to do...But you should be able to get your husband to do the same.

P.S.
All of us feel as if we don't have it in us...We all work full time, and are tired when we come home, too. But we still do it.

Answer 2

Usually the way you are in terms of housekeeping,paying bills and so on reflects how you were raised. Perhaps your Mom did all the cleaning and you were not expected to do your share Or were not consequented when you didin't do your share, not even your room. I can only guess in general terms but you might have been fussed at but didn't so your Mom ended up doing it. But reality is Someone needs to tidy the house and your husband more than likely cleaned his room and had some additional chores and so its natural for him to want the house tidy and does it. More than likely when you see him tidying up You feel guilty since that is supposed to be the wife's responsibility and you get mad at blame him for you feeling guilty. Since he does it without fussing at you and it doesn't seem to be a hardship on him why can't you just be glad that he's not a slob and that he's willing to do it. If you are the one fixing dinner, to even things out(although not necessary but to alleviate your guilt) set the table extra nice and put a woman's touch to dinner(flower,candle,nice tablecloth etc.)and clean the kitchen--that way you'll be fulfilling your good wife role then you'll have no guilt and there'll be no reason for You to initiate a argument. You two need to sit down like mature adults and work out who is going to do what-decide on who is best qualified,reliable to pay the bills for it seems like he would be. But this should also be a reality check for you--there are responsibilities in life that havaea to be done and they are not always to our liking-if you can afford a maid service for once a week and still be able to save and not have to scrimp on something else then fine But you can't expect him to do Work and to do the house and bills and what will you do. There is no how to be good housekeeper bill-why you hould make a list of all the things that have to be done-between you two decide who will do what and you can make yourself a to do list and the just do-this is a situation where you have to motivate yourself.If this is becoming a serious problem and you simply cannot motivate yourself then consider counseling fo if some equality does not start and you continue with your resentment-it can jeopardize your mariage.

Answer 3

a housewife? Ask yourself what wife should do and what her roles are. Ask your husband what he feels your roles should be. Maybe you deeply don't want to fulfill these roles. I can't imagine that there isn't a compromise here. The trick is communication.

He can't stand it when you sit around after work and you can't stand it that he cleans. You both need to learn to ignore each other's behavior and do what you need to do. If it makes him happy to do stuff, let him go.

You say you don't want to pay the bills or do things around the house. No one likes that stuff but it gets done. I wonder if you may be depressed in some sort of way. Motivation problems are a big indicator of depression. You both really need to sit down together and list the problems you have with one another and find compromises to each one. If you can't do this alone, seek a counselor. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you want to be a true housewife as you say, why don't you run the idea by your hubby and make that your job. He can be the breadwinner, and you can be the housewife. Nothing wrong with that.

It just sounds like you're tired after work. Sounds normal. But it's also normal to have a tidy house. You've got your share to do, just as he has.

If you both want to work, but somehow have to upkeep the house, don't leave him with all the responsibility.

I've had 2 girlfriend situations end up like yours. Believe me. It sucks to come home, realize that you aren't just working, but have to end up doing all the housework as well. Notice the use of the past tense. HAD. I don't need that kind of garbage lifestyle anymore.

If you want to do something about it, I'd say roll up your sleaves and start cleaning.

Answer 5

I have to say your relationship sounds much like my current marriage. My wife works very hard and really does not like to clean or worry about the bills. After two plus years of marriage we have come to something of an agreement, since I cannot to it all, she takes care of the bills, and I take care of cleaning and cooking. Perhaps you both need to discuss what you want in a home and what you are both comfortable doing. It is not as bad as you think, both of you need to be understanding and open and you will work through this.

Answer 6

It is simply a difference in the way you approach things.

Your husband likes order, and you prefer ease. You get upset when he cleans up because you feel guilty by taking it easy.

As marriage is a partnership, how about asking for his help in dealing with the bills? As you had stated: we are newlywed. You will work it out in time, Marcia.

Answer 7

He's the type of guy to keep things like stress or headache of his back. I agree he like to clean the house doing chores but it's part of our job at home that it's our obligation. Maybe you should just sit down and discuss what need to be done. If not so there's a problem with you cause it seem like you not use to doing things around the house.

Answer 8

It's just my guess, but I would go out a limb and say you two probably have more different then in common. You either need to:

1.) Understand and respect each others point of view and learn to deal with it

2.) Get out of the relationship

Asking the other to change will not solve the problem.

Good Luck

Answer 9

if that's what he wants to do....great! let him go for it. he doesn't say anything because he probably doesn't mind if you want to sit down and relax, and he doesn't mind cleaning up. i think you are under estimating yourself, you work full time and contribute to the household, i'm sure you cook meals and do the laundry etc.