My teenagers think I'm here to destroy their lives?

Question

I have two teen boys 15 and 16...they drive me crazy..they don't want to do their housework or home work ..it seems to me their out for themself ..How much money r u going to give ME? Why come I can't go outside? they're trying to buck the system ,but they will not break me and my rules of the houses because I'm going to stand firm on my decision...They know that its hard being a single mom ,but I think I'm just wasting my breath...HELP THE LITTLE PEOPLE R TAKING OVER

Answer 1

Stick to your guns Mom!

Answer 2

Keep going mom, take a breath, and then jump back in there again! You're doing the right thing. You have rules in your home, because there are rules in the real world that we have to follow. Also, money doens't grow on trees, you work for it. As a matter of fact those young men are old enough to have a part time or weekend job for some of their spending money. I have girls 17 and 18 and they do the same thing; don't clean up after themselves, constantly ask for money and roll their eyes at me! Every once in a while they do mention other kids parents who are lenient and they comment that they don't understand how a parent could let thier kids talk back to them or disrespect their house. I tell my kids that when they go out into the world, in a sense they are a reflection of their upbringing so don't make me look bad!! Hopefully, when they are all grown up all of our nagging will have taken hold and they'll realize how good they really had it with a mom that loves them enough to make them responsible.

Answer 3

LOL. I know what you mean. My ex had a 16 year old girl and EVERYTHING that happened "ruined her life" she was such a drama queen. I would come home and she would start crying about something that happened at school...like not being able to sit in her own chair because the new girl got there first and sat down" and I would ask her....Hon, did it ruin your life? and of course should would get a little laugh out of it but then it was back to the pouty lip. No matter what you do, teenagers know it all. You remember when you were that age. Dont bend the rules for them. You need to make sure that they take responsibility and become men.

Answer 4

OMG!!
Found someone else! My older boys are 14 -16 some thing here!

I have a man friend who we have been together for a while now. When he has to get onto the boys for not listening to me, well can we say angry red head lol!

At age 16 kids can be emancipated (sp). This is they can be out on there own acting like they are 30 all they want too. Of course they have to work for there rent, pay there insurance themselves, and go to school. Remind this son of that!!

The 14 year old would through in our faces how much better it is at his fathers house. So fine we sent him across the country to his fathers house for the summer, he was sure happy and still is happy to be home! Told him you either go to school here or there but YOU WILL go to school. The grass is not always greener.....

I went to a counselor for help. The councilors advice was to not be so dictating to the kids. They are teenagers now. This DOES not mean to let them get away with not doing there chores, just let them do them on there schedule. She also said since they are teenagers now they are going to have there own lives.

Let the teenagers have there own schedules, sleep in on weekends. Try to back off the dictatorship. If they do not go through with there chores make them have consequences. AND stick to them!

Anyhoo this is the advice from the counselor I went too.

Good luck and yes it feels at time there are more of them then us!

Answer 5

They are just like the rest of the teenagers. My daughter (now 33) was the same way. I was the same when I was a teen. It is a time when they are between teen and adult and trying to declare independence. It usually passes when they are 17 or 18. I know it is tough but hang in there. You can only teach them what is right and hope when they are on their own they will do the right thing. You can only do so much. But don't give up. Stay strong.

Answer 6

Fear not. Stand your ground. They are teenagers, they are just testing the limits. Every one does it, even you when you were a teen. In a couple of years they when they walk across that stage at graduation they will get slapped hard across the face with the reality that all of a sudden they are responsible for them selves. It may seem like they're not listening, but they are, research has proven it. So hang tough.

Answer 7

Hon, your boys are old enough to have jobs. This will cut down on their time home to bug you. As far as money goes, I'll give you what you earned...nothing....unless you want to pay me for cooking and laundry and trash, etc....transportation and gas.....etc....etc....

Ask about the after school program and require that they go. Most after school programs feed the kids a snack and have academic support from 3 to 4. My son is required to stay for support as I do not do the homework fight. He can leave after that.

Your boys are getting too old to fight. They have about 3 and 4 more years home. They need to start laying the foundation for independence. A job, a car, driving, a checking account. I let 16 year old have (she wanted wine coolers) alcohol at home. The rule was no drinking outside the house and no sharing with minors. Amazingly, she did not guzzle the stuff. Sometimes it sat. She worked, I helped her get a car, she drove, she graduated, and she went to college. Teach the kids how to make responsible decisions. Explain that when they do what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it, when they come home on time, when homework is done and turned in, that is when you earn Trust.

If they're out for themselves, teach them how to do it and leave you out of the mix.

Answer 8

Don't worry. My mom gave birth to six kids consecutively and pretty much raised us all by herself. My parents aren't divorced though. My dad just owns a business up north and we moved down south because the education is better. He flies in every month and then goes back to check in on the business... Hang in there.

Answer 9

that makes me really sad. i have a son that will be 1 on sunday and another son that is due in only a month and a half. i DREAD them getting older and me being in your situation. how do you do it???? and the whole teenager thing, i'm only 21 and still remember my teen years vividly. i hated my mom...there was nothing that she could do that was right...and now that i am older and have kids of my own she is like my best friend (dont tell her though...i still like to think sometimes that i have the upper hand....lol). Good luck with the teenagers!!!

Answer 10

even as a teenager (15 next month) i have to agree with you. Try telling them that they have to do their work through example. In other words: go on strike. refuse to cook, clean, pay allowances, or do any other household chores. You could also flip the switches on the fuse box and say you "must have forgotten to pay the electricity bill"! They will be forced to either live in their own filth or take on their responsibilities as well as yours!
My mom did this to me and my siblings and not only did we start doing our chores more and without argueing, but it gave us a new found respect for our mom and all that she does for us.

Answer 11

This is the ages where girls and boys seem to be so defiant. They are always trying to see how far they can go, and how far they can push parents. I know at times it seems like the inmates are running the asylum, but Mom, you are in charge...stick to your guns, be consistent with consequences. You said you are a single mom, but are there any male family members that can step in like uncles or cousins? Are there any parenting classes in your area?