The odds are pretty good that no matter what you say to her, she isn't going to get it. She is too in love with the fantasy of being a wife and mother to realize that the truth is she hasn't got a husband, and most likely her baby won't have a father, or worse, he'll get an abusive father.
You MIGHT be able to help her see that her relationship has problems if you can provide some expert opinion that describes a healthy, or an unhealthy relationship. A man that won't introduce his wife to his friends is hiding something BIG. Maybe even another wife!
The secrets thing is pretty bad. If you can afford to, maybe hire a private investigator to check him out. For a couple of hundred dollars you can get a lot of information on him. You just need his full name and social security number to use an internet investigation service. Maybe with some minor snooping you can get that. Or look up one in the phone book.
Even if he is harmless, I made the mistake of getting pregnant on purpose during what I knew was a bad marriage. I figured it would soon end and I really wanted the baby. 20 years later, while I love my daughters to pieces, I can say that I committed a big mistake doing so.
Not only did he put me through a lot of pain, but more importantly, my girls have an abusive asshole for a father who has never kept a single promise to them. While they are good girls, I can also see where they have problems that CAN be traced to having a crappy father.
While some women have accidents with poor men, a woman who gets pregnant knowing she's with an *** is being extremely selfish. I was. Too bad my daughters are paying for it.
2006-10-25 11:20:33
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answer #1
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answered by Lori A 6
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I have a friend in an abusive controlling relationship to an acoholic drug taker. She is conditioned and even tho she knows what he is like she still stays. She plucked up the courage to leave last year after he broke her nose. Took her 3 yr old and left. Then she found out she was pregnant by him. I supported her and she was doing so well, but he wormed his way back in there. Now i rarely see her and shes pretending everyrthing is rosy, and hes changed etc. I don't believe it for a second. My point is u cannot ever make someone do something they don't want to. she will do what she wants and won't thank you for getting in the way. Just be there when it all goes to crap, which it will, next week, next year or in ten years. Its the kids i felt sorry for and I was so angry with her for being so selfish and putting them back in an abusive situation. Her 3 year old is now 4 and a horrible violent little girl, a result of what she has been seeing daddy do to mommy. Tragic
2006-10-25 11:32:07
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answer #2
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answered by Serry's mum 5
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I have a hard time believing that this so-called man would buy her a diamond ring with a price tag of $8,000. If I understand correctly she was told that they would start a family after their 1 yr anniversary and now he wants to wait another year. Tell her to move on and get herself a real man that will treat her with dignity and respect and someone that she could love and look to, along with any children that she brings into this world could also. Having children by him won't win him over. She can have the children.....just not with him. If she's unhappy now, she'll continue to be unhappy.
2006-10-25 11:44:49
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answer #3
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answered by knowitall 1
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I don't know what TTC is. Here's what I do know... Before they make a baby and bring a child into a miserable life of a woman who cries all the time and a man who is secretive - they should go to therapy - for at least a year.
No therapy - no baby.
I hope you'll share this thought with her. Note her verbiage: "I want a baby" Well - it's not about what SHE wants. It's about what's best for the kid. Right now, I don't think she has much to offer it. She doesn't even have self-respect!
Hope you can talk some sense into her!
2006-10-25 11:20:48
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answer #4
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answered by liddabet 6
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hmm, yeah this is sad she's 30 I'm 17 and smarter than her,
make her realize she needs to wake up and look for a real man cuz this guys obvioulsy a fag who doesn't treat her right.
Not sure if you can but try your best.
Hope? Well, he'll be happy he has someone (probably doesn't give a damn just anyone) waiting for him at home, and she'll be sad and miserable all her life feeling unloved ( is that a word?)
2006-10-25 11:23:54
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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I know how you feel. Its hard to see someone you love in a bad situation, and they are only trying to make it worse. No matter what you say, they dont see it.
Be there for her. She will make her mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. Never say I told you so. As a woman, its hard to not try and FIX those that we love. But the best thing you can do is just be there for her when things get tough.
2006-10-25 11:29:09
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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If she does have his baby it will make or break the relationship, your find must love this guy to put up with him and its her decision to be there she needs to know that your not judging her because of who she chooses to love, its her life in the end so it will be up to her and her husband if there relationship lasts.
2006-10-25 11:43:39
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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i know this must be hard for you but if she wants to have a baby with him then there's nothin you can do about it, let her make her own choices & stand beside her & give her the suport she's going to need & if you see anything going wrong that may indanger her or her child report it.
2006-10-25 11:13:17
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answer #8
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answered by freddie b 1
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honestly. she needs to realize that he is probably cheating on her b/c she is not allowed to meet any co-workers of his. SHe needs to find someone who actually loves her and has the same needs and wants are her. Someone with the same values." dont marry someone you can live with. marry someone you cant live without."
2006-10-25 11:16:16
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Love is blind.
2006-10-25 11:11:31
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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