How do i get over losing my wife to some jerk?

Question

My wife chose 2 nights ago.
She says she wants to be with him.
He has a notorious record of bedding single mums then dumping them.She believes he wont do this to her.
I dont want her hurt & i dont want this jerk with her.Both are beyond my control.
Iam in the depths of despair only last week we looked at houses we picked one even allocated rooms to our 5 kids.
I was about to make an offer on the house when this happened.
She flipped at me when down the street this jek who i mention i didnt even know said gday to me and wanted to shake my hand.I told him to leave us alone & stop txting my wife.At this point she flipped.She said i had embarrssed her .I said what about me he is flaunting it in my face.He claimed he didn t know we were attempting to reconcile and would back off.Which acoording to her he had already said but he continued to txt her.
The next day she was some venomous snake who just destroyed me.How do i pick up from here What if he does use her What about our 10yrs ?

I dont know how our 10 yrs means nothing?How could she turn on me like that?
What do i do to regain control over my life?
She has the ability to draw me in with her smile her eyes 7 always has.
I dont know what to do when she is with him & I see them together.My guts is churning.
BIG PROBLEM i still love my wife WHY???????

Answer 1

I just checked my email and seen you had picked my answer as best on one of your other questions, and so I went to leave a comment, and I seen what you wrote, and my heart fell to the floor. I am so so very sorry. Your wife is going to be destroyed by this man, she's in a make believe world if she thinks he's going to change for her. He won't, and she's has listen to his sweet talk and suck into a fanasty. You are paying the price, she will later when he dumps her for another unhappy wife.

Sweetie, right now you have got to focus on you and those 5 kids. That's what is important right this minute, because anything you do or say to her she's going to take it the wrong way. So, for now concentrate on yourself and them babies. You have just had your heart ripped out, and it's going to easy, and you can't just get over this like a common cold. Be prepared to bad days, you are going to feel like crap. The reason you can't understand how she can throw away 10 years is because you married for life. You married for better or for worse. Unfortunately, like you said before and admitted some of the worse was your fault. This doesn't have to be the end for you, it's your choice. Either kick yourself in the butt, and go on with your life...or sit at home with head in your hands. I say lets kick some butt. Don't let this wife snacther ruin both of your lives. You have a lot of living to do. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for them kids. They need someone in their lives that they can count on.

Your wife is going to have to live with this for the rest of her life. She may have been unhappy, but I feel she should have given the marriage another chance, especially since you had changed. Not all women are quitters, and there is someone out there that would appreciate a man like yourself. So, give yourself some time to heal, then go and find her. I know you love your wife that is obvious, but right now she's not thinking straight and she may never come home. She could after she gets this fling flung into her face, and then it's your choice whether you are able to take her back. I wouldn't wait for her, you and them kids find some happiness. You need to be healthy--mentally and physcially for yourself and them. So, I say kick some butt, bandage your heart, and if you have to get totally tick with how she done you. Use that to get you going in the mornings or late at night. You can do it, as I said it won't be easy but it's a possible. Remember that you are in control now, and you can make your own decisions of how you want to deal with this..don't let them ruin you..don't let them win..prove to them that you can survive, and not only survive but succeed ....

God bless us all.............

Answer 2

The fact that she chose him , says nothing about you. As a father, a husband, a MAN.

read that line again over and over.

Now, you have 5 kids to either teach how to be Men, or little women to affirm thier beauty.
No one can diminish or replace your role as a father.

read that again and again.

you cannot take your identity from her, you know in your heart who you are. Her opinion means of you means nothing. It merley reflects her selfish desires.

#1 your children are going through more than you are at this moment, you and your wife have been having trouble for some time, you probably have tried to do everything you can do, the fact is this is who she is, this is what she wants. Her hapiness is above anyone else, right now, and probably always was.
Spen 10 minutes of your day being sad and feeling sorry for yourself, spend the rest of it figuring out the best way you can restore structure and stability to the lives of your children. Get your own place, buy the house. Whatever it takes, they need you. Not things, and not what you can provide, but you. be there for them, they will be there for you.
Do not put thier mother down, it only crushes them , but do assure them this is not thier fault. The are beautiful, and blameless. And let them know you love them, and will always be present, and back it up.
Lift your chin bro, it gets easier... alot easier, it'll take some time, I could tell ya my story if ya want... but trust me everything you went through trying to save it, will not be wasted. It's molded you into who you are today, and your gonna love that person.
It isn't how the sword gets knocked outta your hand, or even the fact it did. It's the fact you pick it up, and fight for your heart, and the heart of the ones you love ( your children atm). But inorder to fight for the hearts of others, you must first fight for your own.
No one can replace your role, the fact is if you don't do what you are ment to do, no one else can.

OK read this again. and everyday till it sinks in.

Btw, the fact that you love your wife says 2 things both about you not her. One is your loyalty and devotion exceeds the normacly in our society.
#2 You are in love with who you think or thought she is, and have not yet accepted the reality of who she is, and what she has allowed to come between you and your family. Nothing will ever be the same, that doesn't make it good or bad.
You have to decide how good or how bad you will allow it, she can leave you, and it can be the best thing for you, you have to make it that way.... especially for the children.
For as weak as you feel, you are the most powerful person in this relationship, you can lead you kids outta the fire. And save the most important thing they have, thier hearts.

Answer 3

Man! The exact same thing happened to me. Except, we both had new jobs and we were both so happy so was our parents. We had 1 small arguement and bang, that was it, everything over the 10years meant nothing, not even a kid. This is when she claimed she was in love with another man and was planning to live in with him only after about 4weeks of knowing him. How isane is that? What is happening? We didn't have an abusive relationship either and Family seemed to be 1st to both of us, but apparently not...

Answer 4

She's made her choice, and like u said, u have no control over that...unfortunately. I know u don't want to see her get hurt but she may just have to learn the hard way as she seems oblivious to the fact that this guy is a player. Let go of the need to control her. I know it's easier said than done but u are just going to keep tearing yourself up inside because of someone who obviously has commitment and moral issues.

Answer 5

Unfortunately he didn't take her from you, she went willingly... Consider yourself lucky that it wasn't more than 10 years...it could have been worse.
If she is unhappy with you why would you want her to stay.. because it feels comfortable for you... A one sided relationship usually end up in cheating, separation and divorce....
Thank goodness you didn't buy a house with her... It would even complicate matters more.
The fact that she took a stance against you and sided with him, should give you her answer.
If someone is trying to reconcile they are not contacting other men...
There is a rat in the cellar and it is time to get the exterminator in to rid you of the vermin..
She is bad news....She has already moved on a while ago....

Answer 6

You can't force someone to stay. If it was meant to be, she will come back however, would you really want her back after she left you so unexpectedly? Time is the only thing that will heal the heart. If he does hurt her and she comes crawling back, there will be a loss of trust in the relationship that will need repair. Counseling will be needed. At this point you need to focus on your children, no matter what, they are most important.

Answer 7

Nothing will make you feel better right now. Time is the only thing that will heal you. Try to move on as best as you can. She would never leave you if she really loved you. There are women out there who would never do what she did.

Answer 8

You will just have to sit this one out. Sorry to say she has to learn her lesson the hard way and maybe when it is over she will be a better woman for it. Get your own place and take care of your kids and live your life. Do not fight it because it will upset her and prolong her learning her lesson.

Answer 9

the fact you're saying she remains beautiful to you shows you're no longer a jerk, so do no longer rigidity approximately that area :) initially, you're able to desire to rule out any scientific reason for her weight income. for occasion, melancholy might reason human beings to be extremely unmotivated and function an better urge for foodstuff. I certainly have in my opinion suffered from melancholy and that's an fairly difficult component to triumph over. Her well-being is the main mandatory component in all this, so in case you notice this as something that ought to probably reason her issues interior the destiny, I congratulate you for taking such an interest in her well-being. in keeping with possibility you ought to purchase the the two certainly one of you well-being midsection memberships or pool memberships. I hate the well-being midsection myself, yet love swimming. think of of something she might certainly savor. Even confer together with her pals. there are a number of distinctive strategies; Pilates, yoga, fitball training, certainly one of my pals loves those workout DVD's you need to purchase and do at homestead. yet an selection selection is to sign yourselves up for a healthy cooking type. tell her you pick for to advance your skills yet might fairly choose for to share the journey together with her. What some well-being spa? you ought to ask your self her with a weekend away, the two mutually or deliver her together with her ultimate chum? wish that helps & good luck :)

Answer 10

sometime you have to just love someone enough to let them go. i understand what you are going through i have also gone through this but i am really serious when i tell you the only way to get over one is to get under another. there is a better women out there who will take care of you and your five kids. she does not deserve you move on.