Posted earlier but want more ideas/answers.
I have been married for 7 years. I am extremely happy with my wife and we have a very active sex life. I wouldn't even dream of ending our marriage. We barely ever fight and love each other to death.
However
I have never been with another woman before my wife and the urge to do so is killing me. It is getting to the point where it is consuming my thoughts and making it hard for me to even do my job. All I can think about it getting busy with another girl. I won't do it because I love my wife and I know how badly it would hurt her, and the guilt would be horrible. I am afraid though that one day this urge might overwhelm my good senses and I will do something stupid. I wouldn't dare even bring this up with my wife because it would freak her out for sure no matter what I promised. I realize this urge is normal with everyone but it is definitely at an unhealthy level and it needs to back off.
Any help? My marriage means the world to me.
2006-10-25
09:22:29
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26 answers
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asked by
fucose_man
5
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be clear I know this is wrong and I know it is potentially destructive. What I am asking for help with is how to deal with it. I already have a guilt trip even though I haven't actually done anything. I am also well aware of why I shouldn't screw around and of course the idea of my wife doing it makes me sick. My wife and I have probably more sex than almost anyone we know - I'd say a good 45-90 minutes almost every day and I love every minute of it. It has nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with me - I just want to banish these urges to the back burner where they belong.
Please don't just say "look at porn". I have spent enough time already sexing it up on the net. As for dressing up ideas - yeah we already do that it is fun but it's still her. I stress - there is nothing wrong with her at all - the only thing she CAN'T be is the thing that I so badly want which is someone else. Ugh
2006-10-25
09:23:21 ·
update #1
Also sorry to those annoyed at this question being repeated. I am not looking for permission - some already gave it and I am obviously not taking it. I am not looking to be convinced into fooling around I am looking at being able to downgrade the level of attention this itch is demanding. I think you guys are right though I need a therapist big time.
2006-10-25
09:32:32 ·
update #2
You mentioned it, there is only ONE thing missing, that she could never be. Well, i just think that you very well know what is going to happen.
You either just have to give up on this idea, suggest a threesome, cheat, or end the marriage. I believe it pretty much sums it all up. I am sure that you realize, in life you cannot possibly have everything.
What you need to decide is, do you want to keep your marriage the way it is, or want the experience of other women. Either way, there is the possibility of regretting which ever you choose...which one would you regret less? Losing your wife, or not experiencing other women.
2006-10-25 09:37:59
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answer #1
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answered by Patience 3
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STOP THIS. You need to refocus your effort. Of course we all think about other women. Its genetic. Its being able to control our urges which sets us apart from the low lives.
In your lead up you said the sex and love is great but you are almost obsessing about others. Take a deep breath. Sit down and write down the good things she does. All of them, down to the smallest detail. Then whenever you start wondering pull out the list.
I'd been with other women, my wife was and is still the best. Just so you know the grass may be greener over there but it still needs mowed. Trust me that there is no room in your life to try this out. It can only end poorly. It could be terrible and you live with a terrible experience and are now a cheat. It could be great, better than you ever imagined now what? Does it last? Is it always that good? Can the lust prevail? What about your wife who did nothing wrong? Oh, and you are still a cheat.
Put this away, count your blessings. Enjoy your happiness. Be happy with your family. Read the list.
2006-10-25 09:56:06
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answer #2
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answered by Flagger 6
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I see it as you have two- three options in dealing with this stress.
1. I do not know where you stand with the good lord in going to church. But you could pray away the demon that are pulling you to want another. If you pray for something and you really mean what you are saying , it will work. Temptation is one of the deadliest sins, I believe. Trust me I have been in your shoes and have had this happen to me as a woman.
2.The other option you have is to give in to temptation and ask your wife to sit down and talk about this, you never know what could happen. She may have the same urges. At that point there are many swinger clubs you could join. You could pick your couple and go for it!
3. ok I thought of the third one....... imagine yourself with the person you are wanting while love making. Try Roll Playing.
What ever your choice is I am sure you are an honorable man and you will make the right choice. I chose choice #1.
2006-10-25 09:37:24
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answer #3
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answered by Laura W 2
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I have been married 7 years myself. Perhaps you are a sex addict...lol Just kidding. I would just think about it just the thrill of the chase. You want what you can't have. If you had sex with this "other woman" that would be the end of the excitement. You sound like you really love ur wife. What if ur wife was thinking the same thing that you are? That there was a man that she wanted to sleep with besides you? How would that feel? Would you mind? I think you need to think through what is real life and what is a fantasy. Let that be a fantasy. Love ur wife and honor ur promise to her! Remember you promised her forever....think of that instead of sleeping with that other woman!
2006-10-25 09:36:10
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answer #4
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answered by LeeLynn 5
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I'm glad that you are a faithful, caring husband, I urge you to stay in that way.
The only way to control the urges and feelings, is to keep the temptation away. You must avoid at all cost contact with this person. That means, no flrty emails, no text messages, no watercooler chat. No contact whatsoever.
If you respect your loving wife and you are a man of your word, then I advice you to stay away from this woman. Women can be persuasive sometimes, and you don't need this kind of poison in your relationship. Your marriage would never be the same, never.
STAY away from her, don't answer her phonecalls, don't reply to her emails. Avoid contact with her.
If you are a religious person, find strenght in God.
Do what's right. Look at your children and see if you would do that to your beautiful family.
Be strong, just say NO! And when asked why not you will proudly reply: BECAUSE I LOVE AND RESPECT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
BE strong! Good luck
2006-10-25 09:35:59
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answer #5
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answered by Blunt 7
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First of all I USE TO do that to and I am a woman!
You just have to go back and think of all the great things you and your wife do and how great of a sex life you have with her and how much and why you love her! It's ook to have those toughts, but do not act on those thoughts!They ae only thoughts and nothing more!You might even try sitting down and talking to your wife and not telling her about you thoughts, but trying new things as far as your sex life goes. When those thoughts come to mind just o back to your wedding day and think of your wife and how beautiful she was then and still is now and then maybe you will have thoughts of her instead of other girls!! If you need more advice email me. posey8587@yahoo.com.
Good Luck!
2006-10-25 09:32:12
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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The urge and curiosity is normal wether you been with someone else or not. Just don't act on it. It is a phase and it will cool off and die down. Don't concentrate on what you have missed out on, because it is a fantasy when the reality is you lucked out and got what so many people wish they had a good marriage and great sex. It would be a waste to ruin it and have to start all over looking for it again.
2006-10-25 09:32:50
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answer #7
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answered by barbie2 3
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Some people believe that continually having sex with the same partner eventually makes one jaded, or bored; simply going through the motions as creativity and variation ends. This means that introducing a new element to the game to create a new spark of excitement. Good or Great Sex, cannot be learned purely from a book. Hands on experience is vital, as is continued experimentation.
One poet said that the great sex is to learn to love one woman in thousands of ways, very few people know this secret they love numerous women in one way without intensity and satisfaction just enjoying mechanics.
So learn with your wife love her like a thousands women and forget about others. You will be glad you did.
2006-10-25 09:57:27
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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I know this feeling - consumed by the sight of lovely women you see walking down the street, mentally wandering through the possibilities....
Look the twelve step programs work for some people and not for others.....
I have been married for 23 yrs and have dealt with this issue in its harshest forms....
The only key is self control...you aren't unaware of the situation so you can control it,,, I DO..!!!
I'm 43 , I'm not fat ugly or out of shape, and I still have a descent sex life with my wife.....that doesn't mean it's perfect..nothing ever is!! Sex is the smallest portion of life with a woman..You are missing the point of marriage.
So Get over your self and CONTROL YOUR SELF!!!!
2006-10-25 09:40:06
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answer #9
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answered by tincre 4
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Ask your wife to have a 3some. Maybe this would satisfy your urges. Obviously not the woman you were with before but perhaps someone new. If your wife has sex with you as often as you say she does then I'm sure she is open-minded about sexual things. Give it a try. Have fun!
2006-10-25 09:36:52
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answer #10
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answered by It's a secret 2
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