After 17 years and 2 great kids 14 and 17. It took this MACK trucking me to realize I still love her with all my heart. Do I just give up? I no she has strong feelings for him. Should I just be a friend or fight and no give up. I understand that what she did was wrong but I all understand that I in someway my have lead her down that path. Help!!!
2006-10-25 09:05:44 · 20 answers · asked by skipper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let her go u will be hurt in the end
2006-10-25 09:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by can u ♥ moi? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you can beat yourself up about this but it does not help. If she has been after you for more attention and you blew it off you may have share some blame. That being said, she is fully responsible for her own happiness. If she has not been after you for some time for some unfulfilled needs leaving your house for that makes her a liar and a cheat. It is that realization that is the hardest to face. She made this concious decision to cheat on you, period. DO NOT let her put it on you. That this hit you out of the blue only proves how sneaky she was. Inattention is not cause for cheating. You are now at the juncture where you are questioning whether you should give up or not. Dude, recover some self respect. She dumped on you. Get some backbone and stand up for yourself. Put an end to this BS and do it soon.
Plain and simple, if she wants to stay under YOUR roof she breaks off all contact with this guy. If she wants to keep it up she can go there and live. DO NOT move out. If she wants out she needs to go with her clothes, car and little else. Your house is yours and your children's. She is not welcome while cheating.
Your first reaction is disbelief but the pain sets in soon. Do not take it without being firm. You do not accept this from your wife.
If she wants to be friends she can do it elsewhere. It never ceases to amaze me that women can dump on you and then think you will leave because she wants you to. It is your home she is breaking up. Man UP. Stay and be your wife or to the curb and she can be friends so she can see your children.
Get this straight. She cannot get you to move out. She can stay only if she wants to be married. You will not let her raise the kids while cheating. You will not let her live with your children while living an adulterous lifestyle.
Lay down the law. Your error was not coming to this understanding years ago.If you do this you may lose her. You do not adopt this attitude she is gone already.
Follow Up, Based on your other questions she's been building up to this for a while. Throw her cheating A$$ to the curb. She must realize that she threw her home away. It is fully up to her understand what she gave up. Make her leave. If she wants a divorce she'll get it but do not GIVE it to her. She has been taking from you for a while. She is the one who wants to start over let her. Whatever you do DO NOT MOVE OUT. MAKE HER.
2006-10-25 16:32:50 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i reaize that u two have a long relationship and have been thru alot during ur time together. But when one starts to cheat tis best to call it quits. You do not have to go thru this just becasue of ur background togther. I know u luv her. But can u stand to think that shes w/someone else everytime she leaves the house or everytime you leave? You do not have to stay in that postion. Its hard. But you need to make urself and and do whats best for you and the kids. If you allow it to continue, u two might end up hating each other. it may be alot better for everyone if you were just friends and keep the kids in mind no matter what you do. Because everything the parents do realy do effect the kids. I really wish you the best and hope you figure out whats right for you.
2006-10-25 16:14:23 · answer #3 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should fight for her. The only reason she's "just friends" with you is because you were gone so long she looked to someone else for the passion. She must still love you in some form. You just need to get the other guy out of the picture so she can turn back to you. If he's gone then you need to start taking her out to dinner, just the two of you, movies all that dating kind of stuff. Eventually she'll get in the mood and turn to you. You just need to show her you aren't giving up and you'll win her heart again. With her heart comes the rest of her.
2006-10-25 16:13:08 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not make your wife cheat; she made that decision for herself. (Please realize that you can not take blame for decisions that you did not make) And being her friend when you are still in love with her will only break your heart, and make every thing that much harder… because you’ll always have this hope that she’ll come back to you…. Maybe you should try stating over with her…. See a counselor maybe too. They can help you communicate and give you “tools” to get over this rough patch.
Try starting over and taking things slow, build your marriage back up to be strong again. She loves you and always will, you have children together… it’s just getting through this bump.
I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide.
2006-10-25 16:23:24 · answer #5 · answered by girl_in707 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should go seek some professional help. I've seen similar situation with friends and the one who still ends up being hurt is the person who was cheated on. There is still hope if there is a mutual agreement to be together and work hard at it. If not, then you will be the one doing all the work and it will not be satisfying, as you will push her farther away and she will continue to do things that will hurt you.
2006-10-25 16:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by Jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you're a rare breed.
Take her to a church. Stand in front of the alter of the church and say "Listen. I know this may not be what you want to hear, this may not even be the best thing for me to say but I want God as my witness to hear me tell you that I love you. I love this family we've created and I Love the home we've built. We belong together and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. If we need time, counseling, vacations...whatever. You and I are to once again be man and wife and father and mother to our children. My feelings will not die.
2006-10-25 16:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not give up. It sounds like she is needing someone to be her "knight in shining armor." Every woman desires to have a prince rescue her and romance her, while every man desires a woman to love them. Show her the man she married, show her you still love her. I highly recommend some books, and you must read them, and put what is in them into action, if you choose to purchase them. Do not take the books I recommend at title value. They are priceless when what is inside the books is read and put into action. They have helped my husband and I through many hurdles similar to yours.
2006-10-25 16:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by EoC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've been married for 17 years and have 2 teenage kids!! don't give up, fight for her. but don't fight or push too hard cause she might end up hating you for the rest of her life. and you don't want that, do you? fight, but when you feel there's nothing more you can do, back down. i least then you can say that you tried.
2006-10-25 16:10:18 · answer #9 · answered by Yasoda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it doesnt matter whether it may have been ur fault too
I think that having an affair has no excuse on to why they did it
but u know what i would say get over her b/c either way she still has feelings for him and trust me it will be hard for her to get over him.
2006-10-25 16:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by JAZY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really sad, but let that bytch go
clearly 17 years didnt mean shyt to her and
like the person above said, youre only going to end up
hurt in the end.
2006-10-25 16:10:29 · answer #11 · answered by Heaven L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋