I am concerned and I hate feeling like this, can anyone help me figure out my issues?

Question

I am a mother of two toddlers and I am only 22 yrs old, yeah it is quite overwhelming. My 2 kids are 1yrs old and 8mnths old. Me and my kid's father have been together for two years. When my first daughter was born, I wasn't with him I was with someone else. And, I guess he couldn't stand that fact that someone else was around his daughter, and he did anything it took to get back with me. Finally I left the man I was talking to alone and chose to be with him. And few months later I was pregnant with my second daughter. Now our relationship is not the best, we argue alot and he has walked out on me and my kid's numerous of times and he alway's say's I make him sick. But, I am so vulnerable I love this man despite the thing's he say and do. I am jealous and I find myself snooping in his things trying to find things. I don't trust him cause he broke that trust by getting a number from a girl in a club. What can I do? I don't want to lose him, he wants to rap so you know what come w/that.

Answer 1

You need counseling from a professional. Start w/your pastor/priest/rabbi if you have one. If not start w/ a local mental health center (which is either free or on a sliding scale). Get your b/f to go with you if possible. If not, go alone. You need someone to bounce your issues off of in person. The people on here (including me) are amateurs and don't know the full extent of your problems. Do what helps you AND your children. Get counseling.

Answer 2

Honey, your big issue is your low self-esteem. Why would you love a man who makes you feel bad about yourself? What kind of man says to you that you make him sick? This whole relationship is sick. You don't trust him because he got another girl's number. You are describing a guy who is a dog. He is also immature. You need a real man. A real man works to support his family and treats his family and his wife/girlfriend with loyalty and respect. A real man makes you feel better, not worse. Why are you afraid of losing him? You brought 2 children into this world. They did not ask to be born, you made a decision to have them. Therefore, that has to be your first priority. Your kids cannot count on this guy, so you have to take on the responsibility. You are only 22 years old. There are lots of good men out there, and life is long. You can always change men, but you cannot change that you have kids. Also, how do you want them to grow up healthy and happy if you are showing them that it is OK to be abused? That is what they are seeing. This guy, this wannabe rapper, is abusing you and you are taking it and coming back for more. My suggestion to you is first of all, go get some birth control. You should not be having more kids without a solid family life. If you want to do right by your kids, you should have them only when you can bring them into a happy home. The second thing you should do is try to see a therapist/psychologist and work on your self-esteem. Find out why you think it's OK to be with a man who mistreats you, instead of being with somebody who will give you the respect that you deserve. Obviously, you don't think you deserve respect, so this is what has to be fixed. Good luck.

Answer 3

First and most important are you 2 kids, not you, not him, not the chicken head girls he meets at the clubs, THE KIDS. I'm 22 with 2 boys, 3 and a half yrs. and 1 and a half yrs. so I know what you mean when you say overwhelming. But he needs to be a man and take care of you and your kids. You gotta sit him down put the kids to bed and talk. Let him know you lost trust in him and that you love him. And he needs to decided whats more important to him, you and your kids, or his "rap" career and the whores at the club. Listen mami your 22 and can get with someone who respects you and your feelings ALL THE TIME not just when he is jealous. And remember your daughters learn from you and there father. Think of what you would advise them to do 20 years from now!!!

Good Luck Ma
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Answer 4

Okay okay. You probable need to end this relationship now instead of 5 years down the line.

I am 23 now and I went threw the same thing with my daughters father. tried and tried to work it out for 6 years. I have a 5 year old with him and a 2 month old with him believe me i wouldnt trade my kids for anything in the world but what i would have changed is all the heartaches and pain that he put me through. Its hard to leave someone you care about but when they hurt you over and over again you need to think about what it will do to your children when they get older. If you cant trust the man then what really do you think you have to work on with him.

Answer 5

i understand what ur sayin... u dont love dis guy, u think u do because of the position in which u r. 2toddlers n u barely 22 dat must bring u stress which makes u think u need a man by you..i recommend leaving him.

Answer 6

I think you should find him and tell him how you really feel about you not trusting him and you got to understand that, thats how men are and you have to be very patient with them as well as he has to be very patient with you. Try to figure things out with him and you will be suprised at what that could do.!.!
Toodls

Answer 7

you dont love him, you may have love for him and what you guys have, but I think the real problem is you dont know what to do by yourself with two kids. I did the same thing, Believe me, you'll have happier times without him. Its hard at first but my god its such a huge relief. Quit lying to yourself and to your kids, do it for the kids, they dont need that.

Answer 8

You have got to care about yourself. Raising kids alone is hard but if u are not happy u will not be a good mother. sounds like this guy is very controlling. take a hard look at your life please. GOOD LUCK