My husband doesn't communicate w/ me about marital problems and the ups and downs of married life. Rather, he communicates with his mother. When i ask why..he says it's because I get too emotional when we communicate. I cry when get angry and by that i don't mean i whine or grip and moan. He really knows how to make me angry.
I don't believe I have an inability to have a mature conversation...he just seems to have a negative approach. He makes his argument, responds for me (apparently he can read my mind) and never lets me get a word in edgewise, nor does he even attempt to see things from my point of view. Very stubborn.
So basically, his mother plays therapist and advises him on how deal with our problems. This really bothers me as i DO NOT get my family involved in our problems.
How we learn to better communicate?
2006-10-25 08:24:49 · 11 answers · asked by Petra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
His mother is not his therapist, she's his mother. When he talks to her he is only telling his side. Why don't you give his Mom a call yourself.
Then you need to sit down and figure out what the problems are. Next come up with a solution. No one likes to hear complaints...always come armed with a solution that would work for both of you.
Good Luck.
2006-10-25 08:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by voandginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately wrong to get mother in law involved. He must be a mammas boy, but then again, so is my 15 month old.
I don't have much of an answer since I never experienced this, but I would be really irritated if my husband did the same thing. Only thing I can suggest is to see a counselor if you can. Even a pastor if it helps! Then maybe your husband would hear your side of it from another person and then can you finally get thru to him. Maybe he is more likely to listen to someone else and if that person can help youby explaining to him that he has to let you talk and also not taking problems to mom then he might understand how this bothers you.
2006-10-25 08:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you can't seem to express your self without becoming angry, It may be a good idea to write him a letter as well as seek counseling. There is no middle ground between right or wrong, you are either right or wrong. When you don't communicate then you become angry because you listen to him but he don't allow you to elaborate. some how I belive he is not telling you everything he is feeling and you allow him to get you so upset that your emotions take over and then its shouting and no listening. Some how you must get his attention because his mother seems to not have that problem with your husband. When a man take a wife, he must "cleave to her according to the BIBLE. so good luck, But I would find out if he want to con tine being husband and wife or moving on with your life. Either way, staying stuck is no solution. Time waits on no one and somehow you need to move on.
2006-10-25 08:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you and your husband lack is mutual respect for each other.. when a person respects a fellow human being, he/she puts into consideration the feelings of the other... i do understan that you have your own family and that you need to settle things on your own... what i can suggest is for you to tell or in this case write your husband a note that what he is currently doing is hurting and degrading you..
you just better write it down so that you'll not get emotional, guys really hate it if a woman is so mushy and cries a lot.... and sometimes being honest about how you feel is the best solution to your problem... good luck and god bless...
2006-10-25 09:04:02 · answer #4 · answered by yuki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's the immature one...running home to tell his mommy all about your problems. Now, your mother-in-law probably has a very negative perspective on you and your relationship.
Ask your husband to see a counselor. What he's doing is unreasonable.
2006-10-25 08:28:20 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some marriage counseling so you can both learn how to communicate and resolve conflicts. Neither one of you seem to know how to have a mature conversation: he behaves like a bully and you behave like the victim.
2006-10-25 08:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to start communicating with you or you will end up divorced like I did my man kept running to his father and sister in laws (nosy B****es) for our problems I had enough of the dram and thankfully I have been free ever since so if he really loves you tell him to be sensitive to you and to quit running to Mommy to make things all better again you are the one that he is married too he is not married to his Mommy he is married to you
2006-10-25 08:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good advice is just that regardless of who it comes from. being a daughter in law myself it is really difficult for me to take advice from my mother in law but when she is right she's right and vice versa. my own mother has admitted that she has learned things from me as i have from her. i just listen to what i think i can do. some things i do not agree with because i think that she is partial to her son. find an older couple that you can confide in also . maybe then you want feel like the advice is one sided.
2006-10-25 08:40:56 · answer #8 · answered by stephanie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest counseling but not with the mother in law!
2006-10-25 08:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by tom_nearhood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to see a marriage counsellor and leave his mother out of it.
2006-10-25 08:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋