im going through a divorce of 8 years of marriage me and my husband agreed to adopt our two kid .we had them since birth he decided to start hanging in the steets and useing drugs .i would not put up with that .and gave him a choice.he chose the street.he told the social worker he changed him mind about adopting the kids .so i adopted then alone .now he,s gotten his self together we both moved on .but the children dont know the whole story .and they calls him to see him .he only lies and say he will pick them up on weekends and dont show .my question is should i stop all contac with him and the kids .they really love him .he,s theonly dad they know. but he lies to them.and have them up set.
2006-10-25 08:07:53 · 10 answers · asked by lovely me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the sake of the kids, you should stop the contact. It's not fair for them to get their hopes up based on the lies that he tells them. You need to tell them the truth, or some form of it. Only the truth will help them to understand that it's not their fault that he's a jerk.
2006-10-25 08:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one, dont get in that unless they ask you OR someone is in real danger.The children need to learn on there own that this relationship is not good right now. In good time they will cut off ties with their Father. I have also been through a similar situation and it was better in the low run to let the children make their own choices. I may take forever, but at least when it is all over and done, you will never have any mistakes you have to apologize for. Trust me.
2006-10-25 16:46:09 · answer #2 · answered by Stacye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not going to be a POSITIVE entity in their lives I would cut contact and TELL the kids the truth. I have NEVER seen the reason to put false visions in a kids head concerning adults. A lie is a lie is a lie. My 8 year old son knows his father chose to leave our family. He also knows his father is not a good dad and refuses to take care of him. I keep it real with EVERYONE of all ages.
2006-10-25 15:38:07 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, sorry that you were with such a loser.
Just remember that every time he disappoints the kids he is ruining himself in their eyes. Just be as supportive as you can to the kids.
Maybe you should move and not tell him where you are going. I can only see bad things in the future because if they start making money or becoming successful he will want to mooch off of them.
2006-10-25 15:11:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all he has to offer is empty promises, I would cut off contact. It's not doing them any favors to talk to him and have him say he'll come get them and never does. That's killing their spirit every time he does it. I would give him one more chance. I would tell him he either follows through with his promises, or he'll have no contact. If he fails yet again(and sadly he probably will), I wouldn't let him have any contact. The kids are better off with one loving parent than one that continually breaks their heart.
2006-10-25 15:17:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if their young then you should cut off contact now. because if they have to learn about it by themselves over the years through his constant disapointment that will damage them more. Bu if their older... you should sit them down and have a serious talk with them. but be prepared for them to fight you or not believe you, just make sure they are always aware of your unconditional love.
2006-10-25 15:15:59 · answer #6 · answered by ccdavis01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them the truth no reason to carrying on the lie
2006-10-25 15:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one
You need to talk to him, it probably best to keep the children away form him if he is making promises that he is not keeping he probably still using
your job as a parent as difficult as it is is to tell the truth
to your children
2006-10-25 15:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one, you don't want to kids to be hurt by taken him out of there life, but he is doing it to himself. You don't want them to keep getting hurt over and over again cuz he don't want to come around. I would let him know if he isn't going to keep his promise to pick them up then he is going to have to stay out of there life cuz he is only making it harder for them. GL
2006-10-25 15:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by Dar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
better tell them the truth now no need to carry on the lie for no reason
2006-10-25 15:11:59 · answer #10 · answered by golu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋