Should I leave my husband?

Question

I'm 21 years old and I've been with my husband for 2 years. During that time we have both done our share of immature things, but recently he did something for which I might not be able to forgive him. He always has had a fantasy about having a 3 some, but I told him before we were married that I wasn't comfortable with this. Then, he found another woman after we were married and tried to get us to "bond". That hurt me so badly that I went out and almost cheated on him (stopped at the last minute). He went out with the same woman behind my back and made out with her (also had genital contact but no "sex" per say). I was willing to forgive him, but now she's brough him up on sexual assult charges. He didn't rape her, but he's too pushy and she's inexperienced. Basicly he freaked her out and now he's dragging me through his ****. I can't even tell anyone. What should I do? I love him, but is he the wrong person to be with? :(

Answer 1

If you can't deal with his actions then I don't think he may be right for you. But you can only make this decision. Are you willing to deal with these type of things for the rest of your life? If the answer is no , then you may want to reconsider your relationship.

Before that maybe you should try talking to him and expressing how you feel about the current status of the marriage. Make sure you are stern and let him know that you can't handle it and if he doesn't change then you are gonna have to move on... without HIM.

Guys have a tendency not to change until they feel that sense of urgency.

Try It Out.

Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant
http://cheatingsigns.blogspot.com

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear this, it's a tough situation. But, think about it. You made a committment to each other by saying your vows. The most important thing that you can do is stick by him & support him through this. This will strengthen your relationship & show him the kind of committment you have for him. This might be the thing he needs to realize that he really only needs you; that he doesn't need to experience a 3some. If he continues to pressure you, don't give in. Stand strong in what you believe in.

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Answer 3

You know the answer to this question. You're just posting it here to get validation for what you know in your heart.

By the way, if you weren't in the room, you don't know that he didn't have "sex per se" with her. It's really his word against hers. And, you've already said he's pushy and admitted to genital contact.

It doesn't sound as if the two of you are compatible. You're young. If you've decided to leave; do it now before you have children and things become a lot more complicated.

Answer 4

I am sorry he put you in that situation. I would never want to be with a man who wanted another woman in bed with us. And if he is going out with her and has those charges. You should leave now before anything else happens. You are young and you don't want your whole life being miserable with that kind of things. It hurts when you love someone but sometimes you're just better off without them.This is how I feel and is what I would tell my daughter if it were her. But it is your decision to make. Take care of yourself...

Answer 5

With all due respect, this guy sounds like a freak. It isn't important if he did this or not, he shouldn't have even been in that situation knowing you did not approve. Further more, you should place an emphisis on his total lack of respect for your wishes. My guess is though, that you will forgive him, out of weakness on your part. By the way, I would tend to believe the other girl when she said she was freaked out, you should be too.

Answer 6

I'm never an advocate of divorce. But you need to do what you need to do.

You need to decide if your love for him is enough to get you two through this hard time.

You've both been in the wrong here, take ownership of your actions as he should his.

My question is why can you not tell anyone about this? There has to be a close friend who you can talk to without them judging your husband. If all your friends and family dislike him so much that they would judge him for this behavior and tell you to leave him, you should really ask yourself why is it they dislike him so much, surely you'll start to see.

Answer 7

Marriage is based on compromise; however, in this situation, you should know how to pick your battles. You and him are both too young to be married, you both need to learn more about yourself and want you want in life. It seems as though your husband is trying to explore himself with or without you. It's best to set him free and let him fully explore his life and be in charge of his choices. Simply put, dump the guy. He and you are not ready for marriage, it's better now to do it rather than 20 years of pain where you finally realized that you have miss SO MUCH out of life just because you wanted to get married.

Just wait for about five more years and you should be ready for marriage.

Answer 8

Get away . Get away now before he gets you pregnant. This is a deviant guy who will not take no for an answer. If you knew that he would keep trying to introduce other women to the relationship would you have married him anyway. If the answer is no, run , run very fast.

Answer 9

I am sorry to say that it sounds like both of you are to immature for this relationship. I would seriously look at either getting counseling or getting out before you have a child and really have problems.

Answer 10

You are both very young and he certainly is immature. A man who does that doesn't respect or love his partner. I would seriously consider dumping him. Better now than when you have kids in the equation as well.