okay everyone I am going to give u a summary. I fell in love with a man who was still marry but he told me their marriage was over. The paper work is done and he still calling her love and stuff. Beside that he text other girls and hide it from me. He lie to me over and over. But I this never happen til now after I gave birth to our baby boy. I feel invisible and so lonely. My heart ache and I cry almost every single day. I know I have to leave him. but I want to be mentally stable for my son. He’s my second bf and he promise he was going to marry me, but so much for that, we got into a fight and he told me he wasn’t planning on marrying me after all. I love him. how am I going to get over this? I know is going to take a long time I wish it wouldn’t hurt so much. HELP!!!
2006-10-25 07:22:26 · 13 answers · asked by Sexy C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow baby! I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds to me like you made some mistakes here. I'm sure you've realized by now anytime a man is married & doesn't have the respect to finalize his divorce before seeing another woman isn't worth the time of day. (when you date a divorced man you want to find out why they are divorced in the first place. You don't want to be with someone who is not willing to go through the hard times as well as the good times w/you). And this is what he did to a woman he was willing to marry. If this guy isn't 'cheating' on you now he's showing all the behavior that he will very soon. There is no miracle answer that will suddenly make you feel better. There are only things you can do. Like you have a son now. You need to make the best home possible for him! And it really doesn't sound like the best home is w/this guy!!! (Maybe your parents would let you stay w/them for a while?) Weather you want to or not you owe that child a good home. Take a deep breath and every time your around that child smile, act, play, doesn't matter if you just want to cry, you need to keep it together for him. Then when the pain gets over whelming go to your room shut the door & cry for 5mins. When you walk out of that room put that smile right back on your face. And realize that at least you got something precious & beautiful (your son :) ) out of that lying, cheating good for nothing. Eventually with time the pain will fade.
2006-10-25 07:39:57 · answer #1 · answered by Little Nell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just let him go. Set up visitation for your baby so the father can still see him but you don't need to be present. As for being mentally stable it is a choice. You don't need to go off the deep end because of a man that repeatly lied to you.
Getting involved with a married man is never a smart idea. They will lie to get what they want and then dump you in the end.
Do you really want to be involved with a man that was married when you met him? Doesn't that throw up a red flag? You don't want to spend the rest of your life with a man that text messages other women and lies about it. These are all signs that he can't be trusted. Would you honestly expect this man to be faithful? No, you can't. Cry, scream, do what you need to do and then move on and let him go! You need to focus on you and the baby. It doesn't take as long as you might think. Find other things to do and get involved in and time will pass quicker than you think.
2006-10-25 07:29:08 · answer #2 · answered by neinnana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to face the obvious. Focus your love and attention on your son and yourself. I hate to pour salt in your wounds by telling you that falling for a married man is a no-no in my book. If he'll lie and cheat on someone he's made a commitment to, what does that mean for you? I was married when I was 24 (I'm 43 now) and my first husband cheated on me, gave me a STD and left me when I was pregnant with our first child. You have to forgive (you'll never forget) so you can heal in a healthy way, otherwise you'll be come bitter and cynical. I realized that loving myself was the first thing I had to do, because when you truly love yourself you realize that you love is wasted on a person who doesn't respect or love you back. Then you can pick up and move on. Love yourself enough that you won't tolerate someone treating you this way. I read self help books by Iyanla Vanzant, Dr. Phil. . . all kinds of positive thinking books . .and sometimes healing doesn't take as long as you think. But it's time to clean out the closet . . of your soul.
2006-10-25 07:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by Cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been with someone that was married, but I know what that feels like, when you care so much about someone and you feel like he doesn't care, that **** hurts like hell!
I should be asking you for help because I am still hurting, sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever go away.
you do have to leave him, he is not going to marry you, you have to leave the situation as soon as you can because the longer you stay, the harder it is going to be to leave.you don;t want the baby around that because it is going to hurt him to see how his father is treating his mother.
sitting around and trying to ignore it is only going to make it worse.
I can relate to half your situation, but you can't let a man get away with things like that because he'll do it forever.
sometimes I just wish that they could feel the pain that we feel, maybe they would care a little more.
hope this helped,good luck. be strong
2006-10-25 07:31:22 · answer #4 · answered by sexyblackmomba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main idea is to make a life of your own. Make your own circle of friends, take your strengh from the kid; try to be independent and spend as little time as possible near your bf. After a while he will either miss U and maybe change a little at least for his kid, as he will see that U do not depend on him and can make it alone. Or it will be easier for you to cut it. I wish U luck, as I'm heart broken myself right now too, except that it's for other reasons. If U wanna talk to sb, I'm open.
2006-10-25 07:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, been there and done that. U stay focus on U and ur baby. Take it one day at a time. Open up to family members or a close friends becos u will need them. it's hard and sumtimes u think u can't make it but believe me, u will. Take care and God Bless!
2006-10-25 07:26:37 · answer #6 · answered by Juanita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will ease the hurt. It may never go away 100%, but it won't hurt forever. It will one day just be a scar.
2006-10-25 07:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by mudcat_mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mental Health is relative. Its only a comparison to those around us...I haven't met a sane person yet.
2006-10-25 07:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard but try to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with friends and family. Try to keep your distance from him for a while. That is the only way you will get over him is to get away from him.
2006-10-25 07:26:00 · answer #9 · answered by day dreamin baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well first u need to ask your parents if they can look after your child for a while, get on a dating chat room and find your true love!! obviously he is not your true love and everyone has one so go find your prince!!! that will make you happy!!
2006-10-25 07:26:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋