My friend who has a baby by the father who doesn't really mean a great deal to her has just told my other friend (who is in love with her and she loves him too, they have had feelings for each other for a few years but complicated to develop their relationship, but want to be each other if things were simple) that she is getting married. The reason is to give her baby more of a future and a family. But the thing is she told my other friend that she loves him more than the father, but she says she is doing the right thing for her baby. My friend was distraut when she told him she was having a baby and now he feels the same again now she is getting married although she doesn't want to. The big problem is what she said, that she loves him more than the father. Help??
2006-10-25 07:14:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At this point I think it only fair to say that i am actually the friend. The mans she loves more.
2006-10-25 07:20:13 · update #1
Very complex and frustrating as it must be for you the only possible solution is for you to allow her to make her own decision on this one and be there for her to pick up the pieces when she falls. The greatest love a man can show a woman is to love her enough to let her go despite the fact it might crucify him inside. R.
2006-10-28 13:10:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why marry someone you don't love? That's not a good idea. And contrary to what she may think, it is NOT going to help the child either. If things are bad now between the woman and the baby's father, what on earth will they be like another 10 years down the line? If the parents are unhappy, the child will pick up on that and that will unturn make him/her unhappy also.
Why doesn't your friend marry the woman?
She may be saying she is marrying the father to push him into taking action, like proposing to her himself!
It may be worth having a word with the mother and pointing these things, and also telling her that life is too short for regrets - is she sure she is doing what will make her and her baby truly happy? How she feels will be passed straight down to her child. If she's not sure about either man then maybe she should take some time out from both of them!
Well done for being a good friend and trying to help!
2006-10-25 07:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by ~ Arwen ~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do YOU need help?
Stay out of your friend's business. If it was a problem to her, she could come on here and ask for guidance.
Now, in general, I'd say she is making a huge mistake, because marriage and family is hard enough when you are in love and dedicated to each other and your baby. To marry the baby- daddy just because you feel you "have to" is truly dumb, and ultimatelyselfish.
To relieve the current pressure to have a daddy and husband, she is setting herself and her child up for many years of a loveless/frustrating situation.
Teach a child how to handle adversity with courage, and integrity, not panic, and easy solutions, depending on other people to solve your problems.
Teach a child that you marry for love, and stay together not out of dependence and neediness, but from choice and strength.
Your friend needs a swift kick in the bootie. Especially if she has someone else ready to take up the challenge of marrying an idiot.
I hope it is not too late.
2006-10-25 07:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't fair to anyone that she is consdiering marrying someone she doesn't love, babies are happy when mummy is happy. The only thing i am slightly confused about is if she loves you and has done for years then why has she had a baby and considering marrying someone else?? Surely if she really loved you and you her then "complications" wouldn't get in the way. I think real love doesn't come along often in life so if you really love someone then you should just go for it.
I hope it all works out ok for you and you get what you want x
2006-10-25 07:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No relationships are simple, if you two really have strong feelings for each other I think you should give it a go.
So long as mum is happy so will the baby be and she won't be if its a loveless marriage.
People will get hurt but its better to regret things you have done than things you haven't.
2006-10-27 06:33:58 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best future she could give her baby is to be married to the man she loves. Seriously. The father of the child will always have rights, and will always have access to his baby, but for her to be happy, and for her home and her life to be happy, and by extension for her child's life to be happy and as secure as possible, she needs to be with the man she loves. Good luck with this... but all you can do is tell her how you feel, she has to make her own decision.
2006-10-25 07:22:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sinead C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is often seen that man finds grass on the other side of the bank greener. Try to improve your own life with what u have or what u are.
Family life can be easily broken but cannot be easily grown. Keep this in mind and give your friend advice. Note that it is her life and the ultimate choise is her's. U only need to give her different options.
2006-10-25 07:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by jojo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a very important aspect of a marriage ..by what you have revealed your friend is marrying for the wrong reason...eventually she could grow to regret the desicion she has made and divorce down the road...If I were her I would stay a single parent until I was sure of what path to take ..Good luck!
2006-10-25 07:22:12 · answer #8 · answered by southernn_sky_2020 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there aint too much you can do, people have to learn by their own mistakes, shes doing the wrong thing, that baby wont always be a baby and one day she will wake up age 50 in a loveless childless marriage and leave him
2006-10-25 07:18:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have expressed her feelings because it only stirs the emotional pot. Sometimes we must keep things to ourselves for the sake of others. It's called tact. It will only create a longing now, on the part of the one who is being left behind.
2006-10-25 07:32:21 · answer #10 · answered by minnesousa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋