can anyone tell me how to have patience with my spouse?

Question

I guess we're in the part of our relationship where the things that used to be cute are now annoying the hell out of me... He's really stressing me out.. its like little bad habits that turn into big fights.. he admitted these are things he needs to change about himself...but i'm so impatient.. i want him to change now...any tips...

Answer 1

The fact that you thought these habits were cute at first, gave him license to continue to do them. He will change, but some things you are just going to have to let go. I am sure there are things about you that annoy him. Give him time, and think about how critical you are being.

Answer 2

You're kidding right?

You don't just get together with someone, make excuses for the things you don't like about them, then later try to change them. You have no right to do that, nor will you be successful.

Think about it this way. Would you buy cute shoes that were 3 sizes too small (because they're cute, and out of your size) and keep them around hoping they will someday fit you? Would you squeeze into them and tolerate the pain all day? You get what you pay for.

He needs to change nothing. You do. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings. You need to move on and never make excuses for the red flags you see in a future partner's behavior. Just like you need to keep looking for cute shoes in your own size.....

The little things you fight about are simply the topics you end up fighting about because it is more comfortable to deal with then the real issues. Get real.

Try a little empathy for him. Change your own behavior and he will respond differently to you. When you want to change something about him, you really should change something about yourself.

It's a good thing that you are so accepting and reasonable, and not too demanding or anything. I bet you're really fun to be with.

Answer 3

You can not change him and he can not change you !!! You got married to each other because of who you are, maybe you didn't knew he had this bad habits and maybe there are thing s about you that he doesn't like??? Just be patient it doens't say hpw much time you have being married but if you are in between your first year and third year married there willbe a lot of changes in the relationship, some more stressful than others.. but If you LOVE him than be patient and tell him what you don't like about him in a good way to be better but tell him to tell you what he doesn't like about you so you can be better too or at least to work out things better.... GOOD luck and best wishes just remember if you LOVE him be patient to him as he will be with you and don't figth over tiny things that will hurt your relationship...best wishes!!!!

Answer 4

I definately agree that you can't change him, but you can change yourself. I understand your impatient! I'm at the same place in my relationship as well. But, you have to understand that you do things that probably annoy him as well...like every time you get on him about the same stuff. It's called nit-picking and it's not pleasant. I'm a recovering nit-picker and the best thing for you to do is go to God with it. Pray for God to help change you to be a better spouse & guide you in the ways that are best for your relationship.
Another prayer is the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Answer 5

Successful marriages are not the result of a lack of annoying qualities in the other; they are the result of choosing to love and forgive the other daily, with all of his imperfections. It is the ability to sacrifice that holds marriages together, not the absence of nuisances. The aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. The strength of such a love emerges most clearly when your spouse stumbles, when his weaknesses come into the open. One who truly loves does not then withdraw their love, but loves all the more, loves in full consciousness of the other's shortcomings and faults, and without in the least approving of them.

And... remember you are responsible for 50% of the fights. Why don't you stop contributing?

Answer 6

Best thing to do is to pray. Ask God to give you His (God's) love for him and to help change or atleast help you to overlook his bad habits.
Keep the communication open with him because you will need it if you want to continue in this relationship. You may have little things too that bother him!

Answer 7

The best thing you can do for yourself is realize that the chances of him actually changing and the changes sticking for any period of time at all, are at best, slim to none. People very rarely, if ever, really change themselves. People are who they are.

It sounds like you are allowing your husband to control your happiness. You are giving it over to him and you don't like how he's handling it, so simply take that control back. A key to doing that is to realize when you put expectations on other people you are giving them control of your happiness and that usually ends up with you feeling let down or as you put it, really stressed out. Expecting him to change is just adding to the stress YOU are CHOOSING to feel about those little things of his that you used to find cute. Think about that for a moment, he's still doing the SAME THINGS you used to find cute. It is you that has changed not him. If you expect to go through the rest of your marriage with him trying to change his behaviors each and every time you decide to feel differently about those behaviors, you and he both are in for a VERY frustrating time.

The key to happiness in a relationship is to simply allow each other to be who you really are, and to realize that you determine your OWN happiness, you choose your response your response to every experience you have. Also, it helps to realize that the ONLY thing you can really control is yourself. Choose to be happy, choose to pay attention to things he does that you do like and do your best to disregard the things about him that you don't like.

Bottom line: Realize that he hasn't changed and that the only thing different about those things you used to think were cute and now find annoying is how YOU look at them. The real question you should ask, is not “why hasn't he changed”, but instead, “why HAVE YOU changed in the way you look at his consistent behavior”. I could give you my opinion on why you've changed in the way you look at his behavior but that's another question for another time. If you're interested in hearing the answer feel free to write me at [e-mail]. That really is one of my email addresses.

Best of luck to you...and him.

Answer 8

In marriage we take the good with the bad. I love my husband with all his faults,and I have my own faults too. We fight too at times but we always get over it. I took him as he was and if changes are to be made we both have too not just one

Answer 9

A quote comes to mind:

"Patience is a virtue possessed by very few women, and no men."

You might try ignoring things...

Answer 10

the fact that you accepted them in the beginning is 90% of the problem -- so now you must live with it and learn to accept it