My hubby and I are going thru rough times, I have tried over and over to bring spark back with no interest from him. We have been kind of down towards each other and I have written him letters telling him how sexy I think he is, how much I appreciate him going to work for his family's needs, gotten him nice gifts for occasions, make him a great dinner at least 5 days a week, told him I was going to the s e x store to get something fun (his response was "how much was that?") asked him last night to put his hand on back because I like how warm his touch is, he wouldn't. Ask him for a 5 minute break when he gets home from work so I can run outside for a second, he says bluntly "no"
When do I just say F this and give up. I cant keep giving. I am tired. Tired of trying. tired of being beat down.
2006-10-25 06:47:21 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now.
2006-10-25 06:49:30 · answer #1 · answered by St♥rmy Skye 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what i would suggest...You need to first and foremost, stop doing extra nice things, at least for now.
Also, take time out for yourself, and make a list of about 5 things that you would like to change about the relationship, make it specific and not condescending or rude. Just so that the point gets across, and doesn't sound like you are nagging, or criticizing him in any way.
So when he comes back from work, and when he is relaxed and calm, tell him that he needs to sit down and that you have things to talk about. Mention what you had written down, and tell him to think about what is going on with him, about why his behavior has changed...Is he just tired? Does he view you differently? Make sure youre calm, and not judgemental when you talk to him, make him feel a friend, not foe. You could even tell him that what ever it is, honesty is welcome and that he does not need to hold back. If he says nothing has changed, then tell him, it has, and that he needs to think about it. Give him as much time as you feel is neccesary, and tell him that he needs to let you into his mind.
Through this, you can show him that you still have your individuality, but want to work on your relationship. See, the way i see it is, you are trying to repair something on a very superficial level...just by you doing everything, and him putting you down, its just natural that you feel tired and want to give up.
You need to allow him into the problem...he needs to realize how he is affecting you. When you confront him, make sure you remember most of what you want to change in your relationship, don't get sucked into the ALL the details.
Remember, it is not only your responsibilty to change things, and he can't help unless you let him in. It might be something very minimal that needs to be fixed, for example, if youre just at home, he might subconciously also want you to work to share in bringing home money...Don't be hard on him, but at the same time, don't let your guard down...Stern, and to the point, but loving, and accepting.
2006-10-25 15:29:27 · answer #2 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a loving wife trying to rekindle her marriage. It also sounds like he doesn't appreciate it and doesn't want to try. It's defiantly time you let him know it's not working for you and if he doesn't start to show he wants to make it work your walking! If he truly loves you and wants to be with you he'll change. You really need to sit down and talk this out with him. Ask him if he wants this marriage to work. You need to be with someone that makes you happy and tries just as much as you do. I think it's more his problem than yours though, you need to find out whats going on with him. If he's cheating kick his *** to the curb and take every dime he's got. Since he's so worried about how much money your spending it could be stress at work. I'm just trying to come up with something that can explain his behavior.
2006-10-25 13:59:33 · answer #3 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now. Right this instant. You are getting nowhere with this guy. He takes you for granted and no one deserves that. Sounds like you have done what you can and have gotten nothing in return. There comes a point when you have to realize that not all marriages can be saved, or even should be saved. You are there. Good Luck. I hope you find someone wonderful.
2006-10-25 14:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is different than your first question. I am sorry to say this but it sounds like he has quit participating in your marriage. You sound like you are trying your hardest, and in return you are getting nothing. You said before you tried marriage counseling - I don't know what else you can do. Maybe just ask him - Do you want this or not? You don't deserve to be beat down emotionally, you sound like you are willing to give it your all - some men dream of a wife like that (you).
2006-10-25 13:54:01 · answer #5 · answered by Carey L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah i definately think it is time to give up on this relationship . He is not making any effort to be with you. When all he can do is b----
about the bills or anything else for that matter. You have to make yourself happy not everyone else. Just get out and get a divorce . He obviously want to be single . He sounds like he does not care fofor you. Good luck and god bless.
2006-10-25 13:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're doing all the giving... & he's not giving anything.
Stop doing all that giving... back off of giving & let him see that if the relationship works out, that he's going to have to give.
If he doesn't give (over a reasonable period of time), then get out of it.
Also... it sounds like he's more focused on money than he is on his marriage... tell him the truth about it & that if he doesn't help build/strengthen the marriage, it will crumble & fall down... just like if you don't build up a house... if you don't work on it, it will just sit there & rot, & crumble to the ground.
2006-10-25 13:57:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My views on women in gereral are if you don't treat a woman the way she wants to be treated then she will and can always find someone who will. Not that divorce is the best thing but if you can't communicate and work things out then something has to be done.
2006-10-25 13:52:32 · answer #8 · answered by The Druid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's done with you, get a divorce. When the thrill is gone---some one is replacing you. when a man gets tired of the woman they can become NEGATIVE---he is tired.If you are the only one trying, doesn't that tell you something?I know exactly what you mean when you say that you are tired....Move on...Get allamony and child support---that will teach him.
2006-10-25 14:10:05 · answer #9 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have try and he has no intererst in you anymore why bother???TAlk to him and be honest with you, tell him that you have try ALL and he doesn't seem to care if he doesn't love you anymore then to let you free and look for some one that will be with you as a men, husband, friend, lover and all th egood things man can have ... but don't do any more things to please him he doesn't deserve you !!! look for your own happiness and forget about this jerk!!! good luck !! best wishes!!!
2006-10-25 14:05:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should give him one last chance before u walk . if he dont respond then put on your f*** him dress and move on .you can do much better being single .than to have a man who keeps you down emotionly .love your self first
good luck
2006-10-25 14:34:03 · answer #11 · answered by lovely me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋