I pose this quiestion because I am married and I would like for my wife to take my last name; not only because it is what is done when you are married but because I have been with her for 4 yrs during the birth of her first child thats not mine, Two that are mine & helping her take care of her lil brother. Her first child doesn't have my last name but I want him to because I have been thier signs day one of him being in her and having him, so I have been fighting for that as well. I have been thier even signs her farther decided to leave. I have helped take on the responsibility of helping with her brother signs he was 11 to now he is 16 even though she states that hey I should not have because she did not ask me to But !I feel that if I am with you and we live together than I do not have to be told to do this as a man I do it automaticly. i mean it should not be hard to take a mans name for family sake ! If she is that in love with her farthers name then she should have been with him
2006-10-25 06:05:01 · 13 answers · asked by eternalgorilla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Many women chose not to take their husbands last name for various reasons. My parents have different last names because they are doctors and my mother had her own clinic before they got married. It was easier than confusing all her patients. Are you serious that you would not be with a woman you love because of this? She doesnt "owe" you that- its not a title of ownership. And it has nothing to do with the sake of your family- its a name, thats all.
2006-10-25 06:11:38 · answer #1 · answered by AGNY 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Her name is her name... It's her personal decision. Some women feel it's important to take their husband's last name, others don't care either way and do it without giving it much thought, yet others are attached to their birth name and want to keep it. You can express your preference to her, but the final decision is hers, and hers only. If you want a "family name", why don't you take hers? I see, you would never do that. Well, it's your personal decision, too. Each of you should make this choice for yoruselves, but not for the other person. And please don't throw back in her face that you "stayed with her" through this or that. You made a choice to stay, and so you did. I'm sure she has put up with a lot of crap from you through the years, too - so you should be even here. All the more reason not to ruin your relationship by trying to be controlling; pick your battles wisely.
P.S. My parents have different last names, they've been married for over 33 years. Their names have never been an issue.
2006-10-25 06:16:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If a name bothers you so much maybe you shouldn't marry her it shouldn't bother you if your family means that much to you then again taking the last name of the man is strictly traditional and does not mean she has to it's completly her choice and besides it takes time to get all the information changed and paid for as well as for other reasons like billing info or birth certificates ask her the necessary questions to get the answers to your questions so you can have a better understanding of why she doesn't want to if you have not already asked her regurdless keep in mind you can't force the woman and if you did she wouldn't be doing it because she wants to give her a good reason why you believe it's important to you and maybe she will change her mind.
2006-10-25 06:18:38 · answer #3 · answered by amliera 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ive been with my husband for 6 yrs married for 1yr and have a 41/2 yr old daughter and I have not changed my last name I don't think that matters as much as just being a good wife and mother to your children, as long as your childre have your last name and as for your first child with her (non-biological) I think she should give it your last name fron the begining thats your child . well just leave her alone about it and i'm sure when she's ready she'll change it, my husband has been very patient with me it's hard getting used of a new name but when I do change mine i'm going to keep my last name and just add his.
2006-10-25 06:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by juicy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't have to take your last name - and being that she hasn't, don't take it to mean anything. Changing a last name is a lot of work - I changed to my husband's last name once we got married and was amazed at all the places I had to call to get it changed. No matter what happens, I will not change it again. Don't fault her for that.
2006-10-25 06:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The name shouldn't matter. I haven't changed my name but professionally (I was 35 when I got married) I am known by name so it is just easier professionally. When I have babies I'll probably change my name. I'll keep both names with out a dash
2006-10-25 12:40:14 · answer #6 · answered by the librarian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking a man's last name comes from the tradition that a man owns his wife. Since that is not how we view marriage now, women take whatever name they choose. While my wife took my last name, I told her that whatever last name she chose, I would take the same.
The best reason for having one last name is that it is easier when you share bank accounts and travel. Otherwise, it is not that important. Whether your family name continues on really should not matter, since you will not be alive anyway.
Don't stress yourself out over the name. Your children and your wife are your family whatever their last names are.
Take care,
Troy
2006-10-25 06:22:45 · answer #7 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Last name does not change anything.
Some women keep their last names after marriages and it should be up to them to decide.
Lots of places in the world do not change last name of the bride after marriage ( due to many divorces and $$$ spend on the paperwork).
We all have our identity and it should not be changed after marriage unless they want to.
2006-10-25 06:17:20 · answer #8 · answered by tanyasiv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With my situation, I refuse to just drop MY last name. No pun intended to my husband, I just hyphenate his name and mine so I can keep my last name. Some women just want to keep their names. In your case, you never stated asking her why she wants to keep her last name or why she wont take yours. Have you asked her that or have you just been insisting she take your name? I'm curious.
I have a son that is not my husband's bio father, but he is the legal father because my son's father has been dead from day one. My son is NEVER changing his last name because he is the youngest living in our family with our last name and its only right to keep tradition going. Our daughter that we have together, her name is hyphenated also, just like mine.
Ask your wife if she would like to have a hyphenated name at least. If she just outright wants to keep her last name and not take any of yours, there has to be a reason, and it needs to be a damned good reason! Good luck, and I would love to know her reason for not wanting to. The only thing I could think of is if she's a famous celeb. Most of them keep their names the same after marriage for recognition reasons.
2006-10-25 06:14:47 · answer #9 · answered by Miss DP 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Who cares what her last name is. My last name is different than my son's. Just for the record, it is a pain in the butt to change a name too.
2006-10-25 06:08:50 · answer #10 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋