My bf was married to his hs sweetheart for 30 years. She was the one who left, and sued for divorce. She works at a job that pays little. That was three years ago.
When she has a problem, she calls him. When she needs money, she calls him. When her car need fixing or new tires, she calls him. When this happens, I get upset, not insecure, just upset. We are a committed couple, and I feel she will always be part of his life, as my ex of 18 years will always be part of mine -- {how do you scoop out 30 years of experience out of your brain?} -- but do I have the right to say, "It's about time she rowed her own boat"? or should I just shut the hell up????
I do think it is time she got on with her own life, but do I have the right to say it? Your thoughtful, and analytical answers would be most appreciated.... Thank you in advance.....
2006-10-25 05:55:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with you 100%! She wants the financial that your BF brings to the table, but did not want to be married to him. She is using him, and will continue to, until he stands his ground. I think you should talk to him about this. It sounds like there is a part of him that still feels responsible for her. You should talk to him about your feelings. I think hearing your side of it might open his mind, and make him realize that his commitment is to you and your future, not the ex.
2006-10-25 06:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by Bill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't your issue it is your boyfriend's. If he tolerates it then so be it. He obviously still likes the connection and the attention. You are concerned with the wrong issue. The issue is you. Why would you tolerate second to the ex? If your bf didn't like the behavior he wouldn't put up with it. Find a man that makes you number one not his ex wife. Even though you have the title of girlfriend it means nothing to this man. It sounds like he has more consideration for the ex then you. It isn't something I would every spend a second of my day on. Get use to it or find a real man. 30 years is a hard habit to break.
2006-10-25 13:12:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should sever ties with her. An ex is an ex. You should cut off your ex, too. Old baggage contaminates existing as well as future relationships. Unless he or you has unfinished business with your ex's, then you should no longer be associating with them. Where is your/his loyalty? DO you two really value your current relationship? My guess is not, because you two insist on carrying old baggage. You are not committed to your current relationship. WHile you say you are, your behavior indicates otherwise. Behavior is truth about your (and his) feelings. Words mean little......
Make a deal with him. You cut off your ex, and he will do the same. You will both put 100% of your interest and energy into your relationship that you have now, and you will both protect and honor it.
2006-10-25 13:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a divorce of convenience on her part. She's got the best of both worlds: she doesn't have to live with him and have to maintain a relationship but she's still got him close enough to her to be able to ask him to continue to fill the role of provider/rescuer.
I think you should tell him that you don't appreciate him extending himself so much for her but beyond that, he's the one that has to decide to draw the line. They aren't married anymore, he's no longer obligated to be her support.
2006-10-25 13:21:33 · answer #4 · answered by cr329 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think they have a lot of memories together, and they probably know each other like the back of their hand. They will probably always be close because they were together for so long. Their really isn't too much you are going to be able to do about that. The best thing you can do is trust your husband and try not to let it bother you too much.
2006-10-25 13:03:15 · answer #5 · answered by Littlebit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's one thing if they have kids together and he is helping his kids, but another if she is still acting as though he is still her partner - doing "husband" type things. He needs to be more considerate of you, as does she. How would he feel if you called your ex for all of the things his ex calls him for? You have a right to say how you feel, if you two cannot come to an agreement or understanding, maybe counseling would be beneficial. Best of luck!
2006-10-25 13:07:24 · answer #6 · answered by Carey L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all he is in a relationship with you now and he is divorced he dont owe her nothing he needs to tell her to stop called and he dont need to help her with nothing..if that dont work then you tell the whoe to stop calling...if he cant tell her to get lost you dont need to be bothered with him..cause if he loves you he will kick 30 years out of his head
2006-10-25 13:24:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your in a committed relationship with him then you have every right to voice your feelings. The ex does need to start taking care of herself but if he's going to keep helping her she will keep asking. Its not her place to stop, its his place to put a stop to it. You should tell him how you feel.
2006-10-25 13:02:22 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously she still does see your boyfriend as her friend. Having said this and seeing that you are not insecure with your relationship I would gently nudge him by letting him know that this does bother you. Maybe he just doesn't see this as an issue because he is with you so that nudge may be all it takes.
2006-10-25 13:06:20 · answer #9 · answered by Tom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I dont care how long of a relationship it was...when its over ..its OVER. She made a decision and now she must live with it. He is not obligated to do anything to or for her. It is your business and HE needs to tell her to "row her own damn boat."
2006-10-25 13:02:36 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋