He is in contact with an old flame. They had a baby together 18 years ago, but never married. He then went into the military (go figure). I got mixed answers from him when I asked him about it. He said it was about his daughter, etc. So I contacted her via email then via instant messages. And what she said totally contradicts what he says (of course). She told me he still has feelings for her/still loves her, and forwarded me emails that were sent from him. However, there is nothing concrete written in the emails. He thought I was reading his email (and I was) then the emails to her stopped, but phone calls continued. Also, he travels a lot. And he lies...about little stuff like paying a bill. He said he paid, then I get the bill in the mail with a finance charge cuz it was never paid. And he says "I don't know what happened to the check" but it has never cleared either. We have 2 youngsters at home (under 4) and have been married 5 years. My 2nd marriage, his 3rd. Help!
2006-10-25 05:31:32 · 22 answers · asked by jes_fish_bait 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He WAS my first love many, many years ago. And he had problems then. We met up 15 years later and OUR feeling (I thought) were just so overwhelming. And from what she said, she seems to be an "old stand-by". He contacts her when is life is in shambles. I'm just so torn over the whole thing. I've had feelings for him for almost 20 years now. My first marriage ended because of my feelings for him.
2006-10-25 05:55:11 · update #1
I would be honest and upfront with your husband. Tell him how what he's doing makes you feel. I wouldn't believe a word out of the other woman's mouth, because who knows what her motives are?? She may want your husband for herself, and will tell you whatever she thinks will make it happen! Tell your husband that the emails/phone calls need to stop. And if he can't get a bill paid, then he will no longer have any control of paying bills. If he can't or won't stop the relationship with the woman, I'd give him an ultimatum to stop or get out. You don't need to spend the rest of your marriage dealing with this other woman. They had a child together, but now that the child is over 18, it's not like he needs to be in contact with her about the kid! He can be in contact with the kid directly. He needs to grow up and be responsible. Ask him if he wants to add a 3rd divorce to his repertoire, because that's where he's headed with this behavior.
Stand up for yourself, you're worth it.
2006-10-25 05:40:00 · answer #1 · answered by rtlsimpson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say he has regrets.
They obviously were very young when they had their child together. And probably very much in love possibly their first love. Maybe felt since they were so young they had to make some very difficult decisions. And they are having some mixed feelings about all of this and perhaps trying to figure things out.
A first love is a very powerful thing! You should probably watch out. But I am not sure there is anything you can actually do about it. Sorry!
2006-10-25 05:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
what kind of help can we offer you ?according to you he's a liar and not trust worthy.what do you do when some one you trust betrays that trust? sounds like your marriage is over to me and you need to clear the air and make better choices.some how we repeat our behavior in our choices for mates and when the relationships fail we see it as the other persons fault when we are the ones who continue to choose the same type resulting in the same dead end results.look inside you and find out why you chose this man,and what was it that you refused to see early on in the beginning. If the marriage is over so be it, you haven't failed as a person, you failed in the choice you made,like a bad pair of shoes,only we women take more time choosing our clothes than our men. good luck. you will survive.
2006-10-25 05:47:19 · answer #3 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start taking steps to protect yourself. First get on line banking so that you can see copies of the checks and pay bills on line. Switch your cell phone to a family plan so that you can see what calls are made on the bill. He is giving you every reason not to trust him so it's time to trust your instincts instead. Hope you can get through this ok.
2006-10-25 05:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by Brainiac 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling...sounds like he has (obviously) some issues with being honest. If he wants it to work he should be open to seeking outside help. I am sure it is painful for you to find these things out, just stay strong for your kids, and if he doesn't want to take the steps to fix things - maybe you need to consider separation. You don't need to live your life always checking on him, living like a PI, that is your husband - your partner.
2006-10-25 05:40:41 · answer #5 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I feel for you girl, but he may be telling you the truth that its about his daughter, after 18 yrs that's a long time to still have feelings for someone, but then think about it his 3rd marriage that should of sent you a message right there, something must be wrong with him!!! Maybe you can talk to one of his ex-wives to see if they had problems with infidelity with him. GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-10-25 05:46:25 · answer #6 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hah ..
i got into a little tryst with a man who just got off the army (yeah go figure), he was shy and captivating at first, and i knew he had kids and then suddenly one day he told me he was getting back with his ex. and i was like damn..then a week after that he asks me for some sexy pictures. what the hell?
men want their cake, and eat it too.
if you feel sad and lonely inside, you should move on.. i read that if you spend so much time being unhappy you might get so used to it that it becomes normal for you. dont let yourself be like that.
2006-10-25 05:46:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she might be a beotch, if he had a daughter with her, he needs to fess up and pay up and support the kid, sounds like she is hunting for money, and playing with his emotions, he also sounds like he changed his email address to a hot mail or yahoo account and didnt tell you, if he uses your computer at home you can buy spy software
you need to ask yourself why he has been married 3 times, whos fault was it,
good luck either way, I would really start watching things and I would open a account in my name only, and start putting money into it, I would not tell him about it,
2006-10-25 05:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by rich2481 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of this crap now before you two are three more years down the line and a couple hundred thou. in debt behind that lying jacka ss. Don't waste anymore of your time,life or money on this jerkoff......goodluck sweetie.
2006-10-25 05:45:48 · answer #9 · answered by Ty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I know with this being marriage number 2, your tolerance level is negative zero! (Been there done that). You need to stand your ground. You can do bad by yourself, you dont need his help.
Think about you and the babies!
2006-10-25 05:59:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋