I am getting a divorce after 6 years of marriage and many problems from my hubby. you name it...it was done! I have not had feelings for my hubby for about 2 years now. Well, we are filing at the begining of the year to avoid upsetting anyone during the holidays including our kids. During these last couple of months, I have became close with a friend and he has stressed his thoughts and feelings about wanting to date after everything is over. I am not sure how long I should wait and I want to be very correct about everything so that people will not think I am a bad person....Please help!!!
2006-10-25 05:24:45 · 10 answers · asked by T&E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do what is right for your kids first! They are actually the most important thing right now.
Second Stop thinking about what everyone else thinks of you...It's what you think of yourself that matters.
Why can't you see him for lunch dates, brunch, after the children are asleep, when the x has the kids.....I would start out that way. It is too soon for you to have another serious relationship so I would try not to get the kids involved at this point.
Your not a bad person. You need to start enjoying yourself. Have fun with it.....Your free to pretty much do anything you want to right now~! Please, Don't get too serious too soon.
2006-10-25 05:33:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not entertain thoughts of dating someone else until the divorce final. The biggest mistake women make is jumping into a relationship to quickly after a divorce. I waited 6 months before I Even went out on a date. I have been divorced two years, and now I feel like I want something more serious. You just need to make sure that you are comfortable being you and comfortable with your new situation, before you start dating again. Also you don't want to get involved with someone out of sheer lonliness. remember the divorce rate on 2nd marraiges is even higher than on 1st marriages.
Wait until after the divorce, because, what if something comes up and you decide to stay together. Also, if you start dating while you are still married, your husband and his attorneys can use it against you, not to mention the moral aspect of dating while you are still married.
My best advice is just take your time and don't jump into anything on the rebound.
2006-10-25 12:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I filed for a divorce in Sept and as long as my husband now knew I was serious we then began a relationship. Oh by the way same scenario as yours. I would file now for a separation and not tell anyone til after the holidays then when it is time for court it should be final at that time mine took 9 months and it was over. If you two truly love each other then there can be a compromise. I now have been married for 8 years
2006-10-25 12:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by lpdecca 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never just jump into a new relationship out of loneliness. Give yourself and your soul time to heal and recover from your divorce. That may mean taking time out to discover you as a person once again because many times we women lose sense of self in a marriage especially a bad one. All I can say is don't rush and explain to this friend your feelings on taking things at YOUR pace and hopefully all will work out for the best, I know it did for me. Good luck sweetie! Only you know when you are ready and let no one rush you into anything.
2006-10-25 12:30:09 · answer #4 · answered by Tanya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you would like to date him, I would wait on letting on your kids know about the relationship until you know that the relationship is solid. Otherwise they have develop some anger towards you for "replacing" their father so soon. You could always just start off as close friends and let things slowly progress from there. But, no matter what, you should wait until you feel as though you are ready, not when you think society is ready!
2006-10-25 12:31:08 · answer #5 · answered by ladydragondale 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait two years, you have to heal from 6 years of marriage,, you might not want to but you have put up with alot and have alot of problems, issues, which of course you dont see because you have this attraction in your head, beleive me after two divorces,, relationships right after a divorce never make it,,
of course if you just want sex then it is okay,, I recommend to love and raise your kids,, dont introduce a new person into their lives, or they will become quite bad, blow up and you will be posting about " why are my kids behaving badly now after I showed them my new boyfriend"
2006-10-25 12:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by rich2481 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The minute your divorce is signed by the Judge. If you guys have been estranged for a while it is coming as no surprise to anyone who really matters to you anyway.
I will say if you have children not to bring him around them until you are both very serious and looking to be committed to each other. Children are very sensative and it should be your first priority making sure they are secure in yours and your ex's unconditional love for them.
2006-10-25 12:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by hsp_goddess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you and this person are already close it is a natural progression. After you are single, it shouldn't matter. If your friends and family care about your happiness, they will be behind your choices.
2006-10-25 12:30:46 · answer #8 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please do NOT jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
Invest your time into your children. They will need it.
And you will need your OWN time as well. Rejoice in your upcoming newfound independence! ;)
2006-10-25 12:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start out with an online relationship until your comfortable jumping back in.
2006-10-25 12:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋