She is beginning to question our relationship and second guess everything she has been able to accomplish. She has two teenage children who are playing both sides and a very vindictive ex husband. The ex refuses to enforce any "punishment" ie grounding and is blaming my friend for the breakup. He also does not want to be a parent but a good pal to the kids. What can I do if anything? Seeing my friend get worn down by this very hard.
2006-10-25 05:04:50 · 7 answers · asked by Tom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know she may be important to you, and is most likely a very special woman. That being said, stepping onto the ground of a "fresh" divorce is treacherous indeed. Particularly with teenagers involved. Particularly with a vindictive ex.
I've been down this road and trust me, it is more than bumpy...you could call it "pothole city," it CAN be damaging and destructive.
So, basically, proceed with caution and knowledge. Her children may never accept you. You could hang the moon and they may never accept you. Never. And that hurts.
This woman is a package deal. She comes with teenagers and an ex-husband. They will never stop being her children. Their resentment may not end even when they become adults. Family get-togethers may not be magical, they may be stressful and you may grow to dread them. You will probably never be allowed/accepted as an authority figure in their lives. You can do everything for them, and not be appreciated.
If she is worth it, go for it. My advice would be to take it very slow and give yourself time to see what you're in for, before you are in too deep.
She needs time too. Go very slow, if you proceed, do so with great caution. Be prepared to back off if you need to. She is already "questioning your relationship."
May God grant you wisdom and strength in this decision.
2006-10-25 05:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by Annamaria 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her and let her know that not everyone is against her. Let her have your shoulder to cry on. Boost up her self-esteem as much as possible. Friends help you through the bad times. The bad times will pass even if it's 2 years from now. Don't turn your back on her no matter how annoying she may become. She needs someone to throw everything on. If you're not capable of dealing with it then advise her to get counseling in a very loving manner. It's a hard time in everyone's life when a couple splits.
2006-10-25 05:21:54 · answer #2 · answered by rowster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do it support your friend and not get in the middle of it. Encourage her to keep doing what is right as far as the children are concerned. They will see through the ex's crap before long and they will realize that mom is the stable one that cares about how they turn out. You can not do anything about the situation without being dragged into the middle and that is not a place you want to be...
2006-10-25 05:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you see things
and stay out of it
No advise (it will not be appriciated)
just be a friend and listen from time to time
By the way all x husbands try that game (being a friend instead of a parent) it does not last
2006-10-25 05:21:22 · answer #4 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything, that is the sad thing... If you jump in, then you come into conflict with the kids and the ex... Stay out, but be supportive of your friend...
2006-10-25 05:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please dont get sucked into their battles. You will regret it.
She needs to resolve these issues with her x and kids.
It's called divorce.........and will tear you down as well.
2006-10-25 05:12:49 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for now make your relationship with her as platonic as ever.
2006-10-25 05:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by joddie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋