Have a boyfriend who was my best mate for 7 years i do love him very much, we argue an awful lot and it all got a bit much for me in June this year. we broke up for about 3 weeks. in that space i met another guy totally different and he doesnt know as my current partner does. Needless to say went back to my partner and we are now rowing again. This other lovely man told me to go back to my partner as i wasnt happy with anyone else. Wel i hear from him from time to time just asking how i am nothing more. Partner and i are virtually at breaking point and we live together. I have nowhere else to go which sounds awful and dont know what to do. Dont want to run to another man isnt the way i am, i believe in breaks between relationships, but this other man would look after me! It would be an entirely different relationship though to say teh least! any ideas nothing nasty or judgemental please i havent cheated by the way! and i still love my partner loads.
2006-10-25 04:48:26 · 19 answers · asked by caroline17nov 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
forgot to mention we live with his parents, hard work, and i wouldnt run to this other guy he wouldnt let me anyways if i wanted to!
2006-10-25 05:21:28 · update #1
You sound to me, to be very unhappy and to feel trapped and isolated, and I understand how that feels and how it can lead your mind to make irrational choices.
This may be the way you feel right now, and it may seem as though there is no way out and that you have little ability to solve these troubles.
I do urge you to think long and hard about whatever future choice you make, it may seem very tempting to run to the shelter of this dear understanding fellow who kindly took you under his wing. However, a brief interlude with somebody is very different to living with them- and I sense that you are well aware of the fact that the grass is seldom greener on the other side.
I think for you to flee your current situation to the arms of this man may not be all that you imagine it to be, and could prove to be foolhardy.
You say you love your long term partner, and yet you seem incredibly unhappy to the point of despair. I ask you to consider whether this really is love that you feel, rather than dependance or some ingrained sense of loyalty or even stubborness in the face of defeat. Where there is love there is always hope and you do not seem to be very hopeful. I wonder if you really do still love this person as much as you think.
if you really wish to repair this relationship, I think a break is not the answer. You must ascertain whether this partner of yours is committed to working out the problems, and that you yourself are honestly likewise committed to doing the same. You can not repair a relationship if there is not equal willing on both sides, it's not possible to do it. If you are both willing then you must learn how to discuss your problems in a productive way without laying blame. Each know what you want to achieve as a goal, and what your needs are- bring it to the table and negotiate a compromise by which you are both happy.
With all the love in the world, a relationship can not be saved without the basic skills of negotiaion and compromise and the will to at least try your best to make it succeed.
It is possible that this relationship will have to end in order for you both to be happy in life. This is no failure on your part, if you have tried your best to make it work and can do no more then there is little else that can happen.
I think you need to treat yourself a little more kindly- you are being very harsh on yourself, if you do leave then go to a friend, your family..to people who you trust and who love you and care only for your health and happiness. From there you can begin to think about what you truly want and where you want to go.
finally...it is a wise woman who never moves in with her mother in law. Yes renting is expensive, so is buying but living with his parents is not going to result in anything but problems, talk to him about it.
take care
S
x
2006-10-25 05:29:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, running to this other man wont work, as you rightly pointed out. Although the odd row is healthy, all the time is not. You need some thinking time on your own & so does your partner, with NO interference from others, including your new friend. You might realize in time that you are rowing over nothing, or that you shouldn't be together. He might also realize it too. There is no point in being in a nunhappy relationship, yet you don't want to throw it away if it's meant to be.
Hope it goes ok.
2006-10-25 04:56:37 · answer #2 · answered by Sparky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like an easy fix to a bad situation but I recommend trying to get your life in order on your own. You would feel a lot better about yourself. Maybe you should take a break from your partner seeing as how things are constantly rocky; even if it means having to struggle on your own for a while. It will only make you a stronger person in the end.
As for the new guy. He doesn't deserve to be dragged into the complications of your current love life. He also doesn't deserve to be used and ultimately that's what you would be doing to him, since you've made it pretty clear that you love your partner.
Whatever you chose to do, don't lead this new guy on. It's cruel.
but good luck.
2006-10-25 04:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't leave your home with your partner to be with the other guy becuase you are uncomfortable. What if after moving in with MR lovely a few weeks into it things are cool and he changes? don't take that risk. Worst case senario- get in touvhwith family and stay with a family member mealwhile if your man gives you the boot or you get sick of it. Don't go into another mans' home just kux you have nowhere to go- it might even be worse- you don't even know the guy too much. Good luck and hope you make a wise decision. Whatever you decide- pray to god that it's the right one and for help
2006-10-25 04:54:00 · answer #4 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your partner - try relate and whatever mariiage guidance is called these days so that you can find out why you are arguing so much. I agree you have not cheated and I presume you have not lied to your partner either (If he didn't ask you didn't tell!!!)
You sound as if you are trying to do the right thing and I think you already know the answer for yourself and just want confirmation from all us out here. You don't love this other guy and you don't want to use him so don't. You do love your partner and you want to make it work - so try and sort out your problems.
Good luck love!
2006-10-25 04:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by geegee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the you have to try to make things back to good with you partner, but even if you can't work things out i don't think the moving with some other dude the you barelly know will be the best move to do, if you don't have nowhere else to go you can always look for assistence living or a covenant house while you get yourself on you feets, am really sorry the you going truh this, i wish you the best of luck and GOD BLESS YOU
2006-10-25 05:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a professional photographer to take some photos of you and have them submitted. Playboy has photos coming in by the 1000's and most end up in the trash. It takes a certain look to be in playboy and a professional can help you get that look. Your friends taking digital spread shots doesn't make a big impression.
2016-05-22 12:56:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure running into the arms of another man will solve anything and it sounds v. idealistic to say the new man will look after you. Are you sure you're not just casting about to find a reason to end it?
2006-10-25 04:54:33 · answer #8 · answered by garfet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it comes to you leaving your current partner eventually then leave. After that you can think about the other man. But make your decision first. Be prepared to lose both. It's often the pot that calls the kettle black.
2006-10-25 04:55:49 · answer #9 · answered by scrambulls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your feel the relationship is really at breaking point, then ask one of your friends or family if you could stay with them for a while, or look for a house-share, rooms are cheaper to rent than houses. Moving in with him is not your only option.
2006-10-25 05:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋