Posted earlier but want more ideas/answers.
I have been married for 7 years. I am extremely happy with my wife and we have a very active sex life. I wouldn't even dream of ending our marriage. We barely ever fight and love each other to death.
However
I have never been with another woman before my wife and the urge to do so is killing me. It is getting to the point where it is consuming my thoughts and making it hard for me to even do my job. All I can think about it getting busy with another girl. I won't do it because I love my wife and I know how badly it would hurt her, and the guilt would be horrible. I am afraid though that one day this urge might overwhelm my good senses and I will do something stupid. I wouldn't dare even bring this up with my wife because it would freak her out for sure no matter what I promised. I realize this urge is normal with everyone but it is definitely at an unhealthy level and it needs to back off.
Any help? My marriage means the world to me.
2006-10-25 04:31:24 · 16 answers · asked by fucose_man 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be clear I know this is wrong and I know it is potentially destructive. What I am asking for help with is how to deal with it. I already have a guilt trip even though I haven't actually done anything.
2006-10-25 04:31:48 · update #1
To also be clear I am well aware of why I shouldn't screw around and of course the idea of my wife doing it makes me sick. My wife and I have probably more sex than almost anyone we know - I'd say a good 45-90 minutes almost every day and I love every minute of it. It has nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with me - I just want to banish these urges to the back burner where they belong.
2006-10-25 04:43:26 · update #2
You do have a problem that left unchecked , could be bad for your marriage.
You rely need to get with someone for one on one help before things get out of hand.
I wont suggest a close friend for this due to fact, sometimes friends will betray.
Any way you can get some private couseling? you do have a serious problem that needs attention NOW> Good luck and I mean that. best wishes and hopeyou find help you need.
If you do need to chat or anything you may always feel free to contact me. just offering. wont give you any smart answers on this. I see you are serious about your marriage.
2006-10-25 04:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you thought about going to counseling? This is pretty normal for a guy that has never done it with someone else. You need to start doing things to put some fire back into the marriage, before you cross that line. I have had many women in my life, and I can tell you this; you will be very disappointed, because they are all the same. Some good, some better, some ok, some great. Don't drive yourself crazy thinking about what it would be like. You can go do it, and regret it, or live with what you got. If you can't keep secrets, then don't even think about it. If you did it and could keep it a secret, then I would say go do it, but I don't think you could live with it. You say you don't want to destroy your relationship with your wife, then there is some reason that you have this urge. All people have this urge at some time or the other, and it doesn't mean you don't love your partner. What she don't know won't hurt her, but if you told her, then all he*l would break loose. I can assure you; you won't find a better relationship than the one you have, and sex without love is just sex, and not that good either. I'll bet if you go for it, you would feel so guilty that you wouldn't get an errection!! Then you would really be in deep sh*t. There must be a reason for this. Has your wife put on a few pounds, and don't look so sexy anymore? You find other women more attractive than your wife? What is causing this? You need to find out before you make a mistake that can't be undone. Talk to a professional, and do it before you let your little head do your thinking. Good Luck!!!
2006-10-25 06:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had a friend that had never slept with anyone but his wife. They talked about it. Got a third person involved and divorced. If you truely love your wife you wouldn't have these thoughts. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and never have I thought about sleeping with another man. If you have a good relationship with your wife talk to her about your concerns. If you have true love she will be open to talk to you. Maybe all you need to do is tell her your concerns and that urge will subside.
2006-10-25 04:38:56 · answer #3 · answered by healthykidnow 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't go outside your marriage trust me it will destroy everything you have ever worked for and it will destroy your wife, maybe some sex games between u and her, have her dress up or act as someone different its better than actually going to someone else and besides sex is sex it's all the same in the end it's alway's better when theres love...
2006-10-25 05:29:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are actually in control of what you think about. Choose not to fixate on these thoughts. When you think of things, catch yourself and redirect your mind. It is all in your control. You don't need sex addicts anon. Oh, and DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE! It would crush her soul!
You may want to do a little test on yourself by writing down what you were thinking about or feeling BEFORE your mind went in this direction. It could be that you find out that you are anxious about something and your mind escapes that by going into this mode.
Remember, you can fix this...but you have to choose to!
2006-10-25 04:53:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you love your wife so much, well maybe you should talk to her, But as you say it would crush her well maybe you need some professional help with this one.
A Counsellor or something.
You're thoughts for your wife's feelings are very admirable, and if you think these thoughts of yours may sometime get the better of you, well the sooner the better that you get help.
2006-10-25 04:39:53 · answer #6 · answered by tassie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try porn and masturbation? I am serious.....
You also need to find out why you have such an urge to have sex with other women. You may benefit from counseling. I suspect that your marriage is not as healthy as you describe - or that there is something missing that you might not be aware of (no offense). If it was I don't think you'd have the urges you do.
Good Luck Amigo
2006-10-25 04:37:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
well, have you considered maybe a therapist. someone to talk to, or finding a way of distracting yourself, take up a hobby, something you enjoy to keep your mind off other women. In all honesty, if your sex life with your wife is perfect, there is no reason in the world you should be thinking of sleeping with someone else. You obviously don't feel satisfied sexually, maybe talk to your wife about spicing it up, try role playing.
2006-10-25 05:02:54 · answer #8 · answered by photofemale810 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just think of your wife having the same urges and actually following thru with another man that should cool your jets.
2006-10-25 04:39:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-05 05:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋