Please tell me my baby won't feel abandoned by me?

Question

I feel terrible right now. I'm 20 weeks my baby is still alive but my body has begun labour. My waters broke yesterday. Baby is too young to be viable. Will die once he or she is born. There is nothing to do to stop this.

I'm feeling so terrible and guilty because I was so sick in my first trimester and there were times I wish the baby would die because I coudln't stand being sick anymore. Also 2 weeks ago I started bleeding and I was so scared (because I had already suffered three miscarriages in the last 2 years) and I took out all my fear and anger on the baby! I was so scared and I started putting up brick walls around me and didn't feel attached to the baby anymore and detached from it, and didn't care anymore, and now he or she is going to die. My body is killy my little baby who is innocent and defenseless,depended on me to keep it alive. Does the baby feel abandoned? Can it feel fear and pain and sadness? Is it possible that a 20 wk old can feel abandoned by it's mother?

Answer 1

I do not know if a 20 week old fetus is able to feel emotions, but I do know that given your situation, you are in need of medical attention. Sweetie, it is not your fault that your body is going into premature labor. Nor is it your fault that you've miscarried previously. I sincerely hope that you will find a OB/GYN-MD that can help you, as well as counseling for your grief. There is a medical explanation as to the reason you are going through this terrible loss. You must understand that a tipped uterus, Rh factor, trauma, or any other illness can cause a woman's body to spontaneously abort a fetus. A medical work up can disclose the problem, and more often than not, effectively treat the problem. I still recommend grief counseling , or a support group to help you through this difficult time. My prayers are with you.

Answer 2

I already answer your other question,and I'm really sorry. About what you are asking here, I do think babies can feel that way, your emotions and everything. That's why when you are stressed is no good for the baby,I believe they can sense all kinds of stuff. I think you should be less hard on yourself and give yourdelf a chance to bond with your child, even if he makes it or not. You are just like that because of your previous miscarriages so that's why you put a brick wall around...I know is painful, but I do think you'll regret it if you don't hold him, name him and have a memorial service for him. It's your baby and I will make you feel better if you act like a mommy would. I wish you the best

Answer 3

I"m very sorry to hear of your tremendous difficulties , Please relate your feelings on this matter with your Gynecologist and ask for direction to perhaps a support group so you can speak with others in your situation and perhaps receive more support and needed advice in handling this situation . Stress can greatly add to difficulties , try not to call the shots before they happen to you . The baby should there be continuing complications will not suffer abandonment feelings and pain . Nature provides natural relief safeguards to prevent such awareness and pain in these stages for the baby . Try to relax I know it isn't easy and just take control of any measures that you do have control over such as eating right and not stressing yourself any further. Your not alone and this occurs with a great many more women than you hear about . My mother in law had five miscarriages and delivered 8 children to term so just realize many possibilities exist . Try not to dwell on circumstance which are beyond your control as best you can . My prayers now and for your future happiness dear !

Answer 4

I don't think babies experience any emotions this early. But I know when the baby is born then they have to have some kind of attachment or bond within moments or else they won't have one. So if you do ending up having your baby early, and I know the baby will end up in NICU for a long time, then just do your best by visiting your baby as much as you can, and participating on taking care of your baby. My baby was premature because I had toxemia and they took her 2 months early. But I seen her everyday before I left the hospital and after I left the hospital. And I was really depressed because I wanted her to come home and I cried everyday until she came home, and it was hard. But the moment I knew my baby knew me was because when I went to her incubator and I was touching her through the openings, she started to cry and the nurses let me hold her, and she stopped. I have so many memories of the 2 and a half weeks she was in there. So if you do have her early just be there physically when she's born. Don't give up hope honey.. there was babies that were in there less than a pound that still survived. So visiting the baby, holding her hand, will help more than you would think. I will pray that you get through this and I know it is painful, but think positive and hope you don't have a stillborn or a miscarriage.

Answer 5

Wow I do feel terrible for you and your baby. I do believe it can feel emotions. Did it ever occur to you that the reason that this is happening is because of your behavior. I mean you are very hypocritical in your statement and questions. I do not think the baby will feel abandon. I do think you need some psychological help. You have obviously been trying to have kids for a while and you finally get a pregnancy to stick and you treat your body and baby like this. Maybe the big man upstairs is trying to tell you something. Maybe he doesn't think you should try anymore. Maybe before you do try again (if you decide to after intense therapy) you should find out from the doctors why you have such a hard time staying pregnant.
This answer is not to make you angry,it is just to make you open your eyes a little!
Good Luck!

Answer 6

You are not responsible for being sick. Losing a baby through a miscarriage is a very hard loss for most women, so you are normal in feeling depressed because you have had miscarriages before. You shouldn't blame yourself, you are not responsible. However, I'm not sure, but I think you have been told that you are going to have another miscarriage. You are being way too hard on yourself because you have doubts about having a child -- it's a big step, but having doubts doesn't mean you are abandoning your baby or your thoughts are somehow harming the baby. I think you should see a therapist and talk to her about what you are feeling. I also think you should see a Doctor and have her tell you if it happens, it isn't your fault. It isn't your fault and you are not hurting your baby through your thoughts. I know it is hard and difficult, you have a right to have doubts, but you shouldn't feel guilty about them let alone think somehow you are harming your baby. Please take care,

Answer 7

No, not at all. I have also had many miscarriages at many stages of pregnancy and I have fought through what you are going thru right now. The baby simply does not have a frame of reference for what you are thinking, neither is its higher brain function formed and ready to go yet. Don't blame yourself for thinking that something you thought would make a difference, if that were true some of the people who get to be mothers out there surely wouldn't be. Your brick walls are there to protect you from being hurt so unbearably, if you truly were uncaring you wouldn't need them. Right now you must grieve yet again, and please, try not to get pregnant again for at least two years so your body has a chance to heal and rest from what you have put it through, No one knows how hard this is until they have done it themselves and all too many women have been there.

Answer 8

Madam,are you married?Have you been raped before you had the pregnancy of that child? Let me tell you that whether the child will live or not, his blood will be before God and you will be in for it. Why are you wishing only for the death of the innocent child? You do not know that in the cause of delivery or the D§C you can die? You even ask whether the child is abandoned, when you know clearly that you have not his interest. Madam, God is not mocked. Do you know that there are many people who have gone from doctors to doctors to have a child and they have not?Unless I must have misunderstood you, the way you have presented your case is not apreciated. I am open to help or answer your questions.

Answer 9

Please, hon, this is not your fault. Everything you feel is completely normal. I don't know how far along a fetus needs to be to feel pain or emotions, but I'm sure if he/she does feel, the child would not hold you responsible. Miscarriages are normal among females of all species. I think you should get in contact with other mothers who have gone through this. Perhaps there is a counsellor or someone who could help you; ask your doctor. I know you can't control your feelings of guilt, but realize that you have no control over how your body reacts.

Answer 10

Oh hon, I wish I could make this better for you. The baby isn't feeling abandoned by you. At this stage, all it knows is that it is warm and wants food.

Your body is terminating a non-viable pregnancy for a reason you'll never know. Something is wrong somewhere - that's why. It is in NO WAY your fault and don't ever, ever think this. I know 3 other women this happened to at about the same time and the grief can be overwhelming - you're not the first this has happened to, and won't be the last.

I will pray for you that you are able to be comforted by loved ones and get through this emotionally, physically and mentally fine.