My in-laws have issue with their marriage, and it is putting their kids down. I don't know how to deal with it! Shall i confront to them how i feel about this whole situation or should not say anything to them at all? No one ever asked me how i felt about it. Now, i feel i should say something to them. I feel it is their responsibility to keep the family together. Please give me any advise. Thanks
2006-10-25 04:12:28 · 6 answers · asked by Lolo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The Big Question: What does your spouse think you should do?
Yes, you are technically family, so you do feel obligated and want to do something to help.
Yet you are not a product of that household, and it is not your primary responsibility to try to change anyone else's relationship.
The marriage problems in that household have been firmly established for years, and you cannot nor will not change them overnight... and they will be highly resistant to your interference because you are getting involved in a highly personal matter of which you have little intimate knowledge.
95% of the time, in a situation like this, you will end up just throwing gas on the fire... with yourself in the middle. You don't want to be there.
It is up to your spouse to lead the way, if something must be done. If your spouse does not support somehow broaching the issue with your in-laws, then you have no grounds to stand on.
And if your spouse IS willing to confront the parents, then your job is to offer support to your spouse... not to be the one to spearhead the charge.
(The only exception I could see to this is if you have a very close relationship to one or both in-laws... so that they truly DO see you as their child and would be very open to your advice. But I doubt that is the case here.)
Talk to your spouse, share your thoughts/feelings with them and how much this is bugging you, and find out what they are willing to pursue in terms of keeping the family together.
Meanwhile, don't try to control anyone or their reactions; it will make things worse. If your spouse won't get involved, you have choice but to stay out.
Finally, experience this not as powerlessness, but freedom. You are not responsible for their marriage. It is their fault, not yours. It is not your job to fix things. You are free to work on your own life as you see fit.
2006-10-25 06:24:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This family is obviously very dysfunctional and you are now it. I would not get involved with this mess. I am sorry for you, they have obviously lived this way for sometime and will not change with your intervention. They all need some counseling, and you should just stay away as far as possible not getting sucked into the bull...... I would just live my life and hopefully your husband doesn't exhibit any of these learned behaviors, or you'll soon be in marriage counseling dealing with his issues. If you love him, you will get him some help. Growing up in a family like this you do not come away untouched. Good luck and God bless
2006-10-25 11:17:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your responsibility is to keep your marriage and your family together, if they cannot control themselves or their behavior and wont go get the help they obviously need, then that's THEIR problem. IF the in-laws ask you for advise? THEN give it to them, you might only cause hard feelings if you say something not asked for....keep you and your immediate family together and happy, you live your life for yourself and your immediate family, not for the life of others, be nice, be patient and do not let ANYONE tear you apart.
2006-10-25 11:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by sred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them both you will lend whatever help you can; but don't be a buttinski. They most likely had their problems before you came into the picture. Deal with this situation from a distance and remember that you cannot solve the problems of the world.
2006-10-25 11:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to the in laws, stay out of it. No matter how much you feel you have the right to say something, even if it's because you are so concerned. They will resent you.
2006-10-25 11:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Butt out, anything you do will be perceived as an intrusion.
2006-10-25 11:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by Jeffrey S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋