my husband, (of 2 years) and I, have been seperated for a year, we go back together and split back up constantly. It has been an emotional rollarcoaster ride. I keep thinking he's going to be the man I thought he was when i married him, but it never happens. He bad mouths me on his questions and answers here online. He has hurt me so many times and in so many forms of deception that I couldnt even begin to list them. The problem is that I love him deeply, I am sacraficing my own self value by continueing to partisipate in this marriage. How can I let go, move on and be open to meeting someone who truly values me as a woman and someone who enjoys spending time with me. Im so down and depressed, why do i keep going back for more?
2006-10-25 03:47:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get hope-joyfull anticipation-and in that Jesus into your heart-when you seek another to fulfill your soul it will only work for short time and then its out of control-david in Jesus salvation and amazing grace & thanks
2006-10-25 03:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you keep going back for more?
Maybe it is because you cannot accept that you did not marry an actual human being, who is imperfect and fallible. Instead you married a fantasy. You keep waiting for him to "be the man I thought he was when i married him" but that man does not and never did exist except in your own imagination. But you are not the first person to ever do this. It is actually fairly common.
Your husband is disrespectful to you and that is not good. But you are also disrespectful of him by trying to hold him to your imaginary standard.
You should gather up enough human decency to accept the man for who he really is and for who he realistically may become. Then you should make your decision to either stay in the marriage or call it quits. But don't keep hanging on to some unrealistic fantasy which is not fair to either of you
People are much easier to accept as human once we admit that we too are imperfect humans. Maybe your fantasy was your own mistake.
WK
2006-10-25 11:05:13 · answer #2 · answered by olin1963 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself one simple question: How can I possibly 'love' someone who constantly treats me like crap, bad mouths me in public, hurts me so many times in so many different ways that I have lost count, fails to treat me as a wife, a lover, a friend or even a half decent person. The answer from your own question is a definite NO. What you are calling love, is not true love, it is disappointment in yourself for trusting such an individual and in the end marrying him. What a waste. I have never understood women who keep going back for more. Is it the mothering nature of women that they think that they can change an animal like him. Rubbish. Kick his ar*se out of it and find yourself a gentle person who will treat you with love and respect and never give a second thought for your ex..........
2006-10-25 11:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by thomasrobinsonantonio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be true that you love him but it may not be the case that he loves you the same way. If you're not on the same wavelength, the marriage isn't worth being in because your differences will ultimately take over your marriage.
yes you love him, but is he on the same wavelength that you are? I think if you want to be open to meeting someone, you should sit that someone down and have a long discussion about where you hope your marriage goes, your future plans, and everything like that. communication is the key here, and if you open those lines between that someone, you might find yourself successful. I think you keep going back for more because you'd like to believe that you love him and he loves you in the same way (I can't blame you for this), but i really don't believe you can make a marriage work if you both aren't on the same page.
2006-10-25 10:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it will take time but give to your self for a chance i have been there and three kids later 12 years and onlyl 25 i can finally say that divorce may be the easiest part of letting go even though it hurts that you are ending it he was not he person i married adn i got tired of having a kingsize bed sleeping on it by my self while he slept on the couch or played video games then argued with me about him going to work or the kids were to loud he couldnt sleep you know theres more but cant list it it will get better and i have found a great guy who does value me when i was least expecting it i am very happy and you will be too lol
2006-10-25 11:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by vomissie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling otherwise you gave your self the answer you needed. You are sacrificing your own self value by continuing to participate in your marriage. SO why do that to your self? Honey!!!! There are so many better bees out there, you said that you want to meet someone who truly values you as a woman and someone who enjoys spending time with you, Well start looking he is out there find him if will help you get over dumbo.
2006-10-25 10:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by KEL971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you like the drama!!! WAKE UP !!! This is never going to work. Do yourself a favor and sign the divorce papers and get rid of the guy as a husband. If you still want to torture yourself, you can still see him. Personally, I think you don't love yourself enough to have a partner right now. Why don't you practice being with yourself and really taking care of yourself before you move on to another man? then you will be ready when the good guy comes along. Ditch the loser.
2006-10-25 11:11:07 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision is up to you. If what you are saying is any indication of how he really is then is he really worth it? Love means s%*t when the other party treats you like crap and makes you feel like crap. You keep going back for more because you think eventually somehow something will change. A person like you described will NEVER change but it is up to you to come to this realization. You may love him but your love isn't being reciprocated. Just try to move on, it will be hard, but it's for the best. Good luck and I hope you eventually find someone worthy of your love and care.
2006-10-25 10:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by october g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife -- now my ex wife -- and I did the same, back and forth, get back together and split up again. This went on for what seemed like ages, must have been 2 to 3 years. I actually think it's rather common. Not all divorces are "clean".
In our case, it finally ended in divorce, but despite the emotional roller coaster I don't regret trying in the least. If nothing else, I know that both of us really really really tried to make it work.
Best of luck to you.
2006-10-25 10:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation, with my husband of 7 years. About 4 years into the marriage we fought constantly, called each other names, cut each down, threw things, screamed for no major reasons, it could of been anything small. I think it just comes down to, you need to realize that if you stay it will hurt and if it hurts it's not worth it and it's not meant to be. I fought with my husband cause I couldn't stand being around him anymore and just wanted out, I think he felt the same way. But, cause we both come from families where marriage is special and sacred we didn't want to be the first one to call it quits. Well, I finally got tired of it and I called it quits. I found a man, my best friend who I fell in love with and am now engaged to, he treats me with respect, love and integrity, and I can actually say I am happy now. I when I look back I kicked myself for staying in an unhealthy marriage as long as I did, cause NO ONE deserves to be treated that way out of anger or not. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me.
2006-10-25 10:54:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start liking yourself a little bit. How can you love someone else when you don't love yourself? Take responsibility for your life. Be happy. Then if you look back and he is still in the picture then you will be better equipped to deal with your relationship with him. Get counseling for yourself, someone who can be objective and give you real answers and not something you might want to hear.
Hope this helps.
2006-10-25 10:55:37 · answer #11 · answered by Soyyo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋