Is my relationship normal?

Question

Please help. I'm feeling so sad and lonely and have no one to talk about it. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 and a half years. The thing is though.. We never get along. There is always a fight about something and usually the fights are massive. We say really, really horrible things to each other that are aimed to hurt. Say for instance, in the fight we just had, he called me stupid and retarded for not being able to use a computer properly and said he has no reason to be happy about being with me. I gave him a hard time about being uneducated and boring and laughed in his face when he started crying. The thing is, in about a day's time, i know we will have made up and say we never meant the things that we said. Which is true, we don't mean these things but when we fight it's as if we hate each other.
My question is.. does this happen to anyone else? All my friends who are in relationships seem so happy and they seem to have much smaller fights. Am i crazy to stay?

Answer 1

That is not a normal relationship. You should think about the things you think are definitely necessary in a decent relationship (like, good communication, willingness on both parts to compromise to resolve issues, mutual contentment, trust, honesty, mutual respect, self respect, etc) and what you think is definitely not allowable in a decent relationship (like, deceit, distrust, suspiscion, name calling, deliberately trying to hurt each other physically or emotionally, etc). It's your life, so if it's important to you, it should be included in your analysis of a decent relationship. Your guy should be thinking about the same thing, and then, ideally you should talk with each other about it. If you can't talk about it, there's not much hope between you because beyond talking about it, if you decide to continue staying together, then to make things right, you also have to work on resolving the issues between you, mutually, even if it means going to a counselor (and you might have to go through a few counselors to find one who's right for you), which would, by the way, be very good for each and both of you, seperately and together. You shouldn't settle for less than what absolutely important to you, even if it means eventually deciding to break up.

Answer 2

Not every relationship is the same. If they were then this would be one very boring world. Some couples are happy even if they are fighting all the time. You know that you love him, and that he loves you too. In my book......... that is all that should ever count, unless you start hitting each other and its not just a screaming match anymore, then I would say that the two of you need a definite time out from one another. You and your boyfriend spark different sparks in each other, and that does not have to be bad. I know this couple that before they were married fought like cats and dogs daily!! But they still got married, and even though they still pick at each other and toss out little *word* nudges to and about each other, when they do that they laugh, and hug.... they have turned there name calling into a playful thing, rather then the fighting mess they had. People grow and so do relationships. I hope this has helped. Blessed be..................

PS.....
That couple is my ex's parents, they are hilarious, and even when they gripe at each other, they are laughing while I am cracking up literally. I have never seen a *feistier* relationship, and its beautiful.

Answer 3

If you are a good, loving couple when you're not fighting, maybe it's just the way you fight or disagree that's a problem.

Of course, that could be a deal breaking problem...if you can't figure out how to communicate without saying hurtful things, then maybe you can't have a relationship with him. However, if you really do think it's a good partnership except for this one problem, then try working on other ways to communicate besides shouting hateful words.

There are some good books on this and there are many ways you can sort of stop, take a step back, and re-think how you're going to react. That could mean a "time out" where you each go to someplace where you can be alone until you cool off. Then you can discuss the problem calmly.

Also, try a book called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay."

Answer 4

Believe me you are not alone in this world. I am sure you are not the only crazy couple out there (its just a joke). I was in a similar situation. My fight were not that huge because he was very calm most of the time. In your case the problem seems to be that you are both very ill tempered, you get annoyed or bothered easily and ca not control your impulses and actions. This is a very tough situation yes but if you are both willing you can work through it. If you have survived three years this way is because there is love. Just try to sit down and speak to each other about this problem. Try to explain to each other why do get like this what are those little things that drive you crazy and make you explode. The key here is self control you both need to detect this bomb and stop it before it explodes. But again I am sure t hat if there is love and willingness on both parts you can get through this. Good Luck!!! :-)

Answer 5

It doesn't matter who starts the fight, or what it's about, there is never a winner, only 2 losers. If you're not getting along with him, then leave him. You may love him and he may love you, but each fight is taking a huge chunk of stability out of your relationship. If he calls you retarded, that shows that he doesn't have much respect for you, and you laughing at his emotional pain means you don't have respect for him. Love is powerful, but it's not a fix-all in relationships. Without mutual respect and trust, love will not sustain a relationship.

Answer 6

I wish that i had good news but i don't, people who love each other do not says horrible things like that even when they are mad at each other. How could you make each other happy if you two keep having these big fights.

Answer 7

no love is a tricky thing.. but i know it should not be that hard..
you need to think about the fights are they worth fighting for?
i think that you need to find something that makes you both happy something together then find something to apart ( one from the other ) every relationship needs breathing time as well as love time it seems to me you are killing your relationship and one day it will be over and it will hurt worse than any fight you have ever been in so weigh your option with him or with out him your choice just do it before it gets worse...

Answer 8

I have been in a similar situation, with my husband of 7 years. About 4 years into the marriage we fought constantly, called each other names, cut each down, threw things, screamed for no major reasons, it could of been anything small. I think it just comes down to, you need to realize that if you stay it will hurt and if it hurts it's not worth it and it's not meant to be. I fought with my husband cause I couldn't stand being around him anymore and just wanted out, I think he felt the same way. But, cause we both come from families where marriage is special and sacred we didn't want to be the first one to call it quits. Well, I finally got tired of it and I called it quits. I found a man, my best friend who I fell in love with and am now engaged to, he treats me with respect, love and integrity, and I can actually say I am happy now. I when I look back I kicked myself for staying in an unhealthy marriage as long as I did, cause NO ONE deserves to be treated that way out of anger or not. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me. [e-mail]

Answer 9

It sounds as though you need a little time apart to be able to think clearly about your relationship and how you both truly feel about each other. Take time out

Answer 10

Some would say it's normal,but for me it's not if you both love and respect each other you will not be so mean to one another.Maybe your not meant to be,couples have their disagreements say dirty things to each other,but realize their mistakes and lean from them and try not to encounter those mistakes again you both don't learn but make things worse