I like to help people out and to try new stuff so I often say yes. But when I say no, relations broke to pieces. People try to make me feel guilty for saying no and I hate having people impose stuff on me and then hell breaks loose, I avoid the people I refused to do something for, they see me as cold, and generally we stop being friends…
2006-10-25 03:14:27 · 18 answers · asked by Inno 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I say no all the time, otherwise people tend to walk all over you. I've very good friends with people I've said no to. I would say that part of your problem might come from the fact that you feel guilty and sabatoge your own relationship with your friends. Learn to say a flat no, smile and move on to the next subject and don't bring it up again. There are many times when you will say yes, but you can't allways do everything. The older you get, the easier it is to "just say no"! lol
2006-10-25 03:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by cowboys21angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are true friends, they will understand why you can't help them. If you give them a good enough reason, it shouldn't be a problem. However, if you just don't feel like helping them, or feel it isn't worth your while, then it's understandable that relationships can brake down. I've found that the best way to help someone you don't really want to, is give them advice from your own experiences and then let them make their own decisions on what to do. If they are a true friend, they will be happy to help you out whenever they possibly can.
I have had times in my life where friends have come to me for help on various things but as they are true friends, i know that the favour will be returned when and if i require it (provided they can help me). If i haven't been able to help them due to what ever reason, they understand that because they know that if i could help them i would. Just think of it this way..... If you don't help anyone, who is going to help you?
Sometimes in life, you need to be the first one to make an attempt at doing something rather than waiting for someone to do something for you. If you go in with the mindset that they will never help you if you help them, then you'll end up helping no-one. On the otherhand, if you help too many people, then everyone will become aware that you're what they call "easy" and you will end up attracting scum and users because they think that they will be able to get things from you without giving anything in return.
Another contributing factor could be peoples morals or religious background that stops someone from helping. Take these into account when making decisions on whether you will help someone or not. I often help people i don't know, but knowing that the help will probably not be returned, it doesn't bother me because i know that when it comes to karma, i'll get my just rewards.
I'll leave you with one final thought.... "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU"
Hope this is of some help to you and good luck in future endevours. Feel free to contact me if you require more assistance.
2006-10-25 04:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by liks_in_park_008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. Boundaries are important to set up with people. If you say yes, when you want to say no, you are not respecting yourself. And if you don't respect yourself who will?
You can answer with something like, I can't help you with that today, but I may have time or energy to help tomorrow. You can also direct them to someone or something else, so you're not leaving them high and dry if you want to be nice. Yes, at first they will protest, because they are used to you jumping up to help them, but if you stick to your guns, they will understand that there are times when you're not available and times when you are and will learn to respect that.
They will also see that when you decide to help them you're much happier and the time will be much more pleasant.
2006-10-25 03:30:40 · answer #3 · answered by Jill S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its genuine puzzling for some human beings now to not experience so damage after an severe relationship wreck-up. He might want to not are turning out to be over it a minimum of he thinks he has yet because the days go by technique of he will locate out he became deeper into it than he idea. it really is your turn to experience the discomfort and get it over with; you comprehend why you men broke up. that is going to take a even as that you'll get over it, do not attempt to pressure your self because you may want to in turn hate him in case you try it.take it the way it really is. i imagine you want to go decrease back to being acquaintances because you quite did not like the breaking apart theory. enable the wear heal first then be particular in case you quite want to be acquaintances back
2016-12-05 05:20:25 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not your fault or problem hoe people react to your answer. if you know you gave an answer from your heart then move on and do not hold guilt from their reaction. if you know you do your best to help others when you can, when you can't a true friend will be able to accept that answer. if it cause a problem with someone you need to evaluate if that person is someone you need to be involved with and how involved.but don't ever let someone control your feelings to any extent.
2006-10-25 03:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If someone can't handle a "no" then they arent' really your friends. You gotta be sure to be true to yourself. If someone sees the true you and they still want to be your friend then you've just found the diamond in the ruff who's truly a FRIENDER and not a PRETENDER!
2006-10-25 03:18:45 · answer #6 · answered by Light 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you do not have to give so much to be friends. Now is the time to try to think about how to find friends that do not ask so much from you.
2006-10-25 03:20:29 · answer #7 · answered by copestir 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the immortal words of Ferris Buehler...
"It is impossible to respect someone who kisses your as*s."
Just say the No... If they don't like it, tell them to go piss up a rope!
2006-10-25 03:22:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, people that call themselves your friends shouldn't be like that if they truly value your friendship. if they get ticked off because you've said no, then they're just using you. guilt trips and stuff like that, you don't need. your generosity is not guaranteed.
2006-10-25 03:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if they are a true friend they will understand and get over it and stay friends!
this happend to me and a friend! I liked him he didn't like me! We are still GREAT friends! but i don't like him anymroe!
2006-10-25 05:00:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋