To stay or not to stay? Unusual situation, can anyone give me some useful advice...?

Question

I've been friends with a guy for 2yrs, we've always been incredibly close,we tell each other everything. There's just this incredibly intense connection between us where we just get each other. We came close to sex, but I stopped it, and we have kiseed a few times. We've told each other I love you, but not "in love", though I really wonder if we are but are too afraid to admit it. Anyway the problem is that I feel very deeply for him, but I've had to walk away from this friendship 3 times now, because he treats me disrespectfully (only calls when he has a problem, waits 3 days to call me back, never invites me to do anything, tells me about random girls he's screwed, etc.) every time he breaks up with someone or realizes how "I'm the realest person in his life" he begs me to be in his life again.He's not a giving person, and I have told him what I need, I don't always want to try so hard or nag and everytime he always tries, but it fades, his dad is very cold and distant, do I stay?

He's honestly a good person, and he tells me he cares about me alot, but his actions don't match up. He has changed alot to improve this relationship, but it still drives me crazy how closed up he can be. He always encourages me to tell him everything, but he won't do the same. For being one of his best friend I just don't feel like it, and it hurts.

Answer 1

Honey, if he is disrespectful and inconsiderate now why continue? I'd back off and stay backed off. Matter of fact I might just tell him that I'm tired of only hearing from him when he has a crisis.

Answer 2

This is an unusual situation indeed. you've known this person for two years so I guess you know them very well or atleast getting there provided he stays long enough when he returns into your life, and sweetheart you are real because you are genuine.You made your needs known but he his not willing to give you what you want, he only takes. The best thing to do is walk away from the whole situation. The sexual intemicy has to and must stop. He needs to know that you are not going down that route unless he is planning to stick around this time.Don't be so accepting to his excuses, i'm reasoning that he is playing around with you and knows you will take him back whenever he calls. Your "friend" is avoiding a relationship with you.Its obvious that the attraction is there and with attraction comes feelings(not neccessaryly love but warm feelings non-the-less). You can't have one without the other. Yes he loves you, believe him when he says that but don't fool yourself into thinking that he wants a relationship. The way things are suites him just fine,you're the one with the problem.Come up with some conditions for this friendship to work(that will suite you of corse) and talk about them, if he still doesn't understand walk away babygirl he is not worth the trouble than. As for his father, he has nothing to do with you(until boyfriend deciseds he's inlove and wants to marry) so don't mind his attitude much and if your friendship does not workout he won't be a feature in your life unless he lives next door. I know things will be hard if you don't work things out with this guy, but the heart heals, in time. Believe me i know. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 3

I think the guy is a spoilt brat. He is in a pendamonical situation where he jus not able to take any good decision on things by his own.he wants to live a life of a playboy as well as a sincere lover(to u). I suggest u to move with him intially as a friend. See that u r not getting covered by him as it may spoil ur future too. He may have some problem. First tackle those problems then u and he may get a solution for everything.

Answer 4

This person is not into you as much as you are into him. Truthfully the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him and not be there for him every time he needs a shoulder. A relationship rather friends or lovers needs to be a give and take. It sounds like you give and he takes.

Answer 5

if you feel he is right then OK. I think you should talk to him about how you feel specially noiw. Why's his dad distant? does he hate you? Try and explain hima as well as you can what you are going thru. Analyze yourself. What exactly do you feel bout him? do you want this to work? Do you feel empty without him? Do you dream bout him? do you desperately want to make him understand? If yes then you definitely care for him(love will be if you feel YES intensely) If no then dont bother with him.
Best of luck. Hope thoings work out with you two.

Answer 6

Who are you trying to convince???
He is keeping you on a string, just like a puppet.
Whats worse is you are letting him, if he isn't giving you what you need then find someone that will.
All I can see in this Question is a dozen answers why you should forget him and walk away.

Answer 7

This guy is interested in you as a fair weather friend only. Stop the so-called friendship and move on.

Answer 8

It sounds like this guy is using you and your deep feelings for him. You can maintain this friendship, but you need to make other friends. If you are wanting a relationship with him, I think you can forget it.

Answer 9

Sounds like this is a "taker", and not a "giver". I personally would just remain friendly with him, but nothing further.Everyone deserves to be loved in return.

Answer 10

As much as it may hurt you now, you should leave. You need to take care of yourself and not worry about him. In time, he may change, but it is not up to you to change him.